Grief and Pepsi
Wednesday, October 02, 2019
For as long as I can remember I have had an addiction to Pepsi - not soda - just Pespi. Emotional, physical, mental... and all the rest.
It started early.
Growing up, if I worked hard I got a small glass of Pepsi. If I had a really bad day - Pepsi. If one of my animals died, if I got a good grade, if we were going on a trip, if mom was in a really good mood....that sweet satisfying glass of Pepsi.
I actually stopped drinking any caffeine for both of my pregnancies. And I remember the first cup of Pepsi after my babies were born. Seriously - I licked the cup.
I know I still use Pepsi as a solace and as a reward. . Really for me its the first sip - just poured but still a little fizzy. After that first sip its not that big of a deal.
Last week there was a sudden death in the family. A death that shook me to the core. For three days I chugged Pepsi. I am pretty sure the most I drank was 3 in one day but I cant guarantee that. And I wanted every last sip.
I am still grieving of course. But I know what Pepsi is for me. So every time I go to get one I stop and ask why... what emotional bump caused this need. I work on that bump - analyze/ dissect/deal. Somethimes I still get that glass of Pepsi. And it's okay. I am a work in progress and I am not going to let a bump derail me. Account for the calories, understand the triggers, and plan for the next time a bump happens.