Where in the world am I?
Sunday, October 06, 2019
I'm currently sitting in a 'couch house' built by son. In York. But, my son tells me that this is our old house in Ireland and that York is upstairs. He has been slowly but surely moving his favourite toys into the 'old' house and insisted that we have breakfast in the 'old house' today (He is busy 'making' breakfast in the kitchen...).
I think my almost-four year old's working out of where in the world he is, reminds me of my own confusions. I still don't know where things are in our new house. And I still find myself thinking about where something could be, and first remembering where it is in the old house. I was away on a work trip at the beginning of this week, and when I video-chatted with the family, I kept expecting to see the background of our old house, not the new one.
I don't ever remember having such a strange transition before, but perhaps I have just forgotten. I miss the much slower routine of our old home, but, equally, I find our new routine extremely exciting. In a way, so many of the last months in Ireland were worrying about finding work, so that particular energy is no longer with me, and that may well account for how much more positive I am feeling.
But, routine! It's so important! I kept thinking, how, yesterday, when I was playing with my son, we had the whole day together. It wasn't just the building of the 'couch house', it was that we were living a similar routine as we had done in Ireland. We weren't needing to get out of the house by 8am to get to work and nursery school; and then home by 6pm and into bed by 9pm (and trying to cram a lot of things into those 3 hours!) We could go at our own pace. Like we could in Ireland.
And then, my work is not a regular 9-5pm. Sometimes I have to travel, or be at late night engagements. So there's another element to our lives that is new.
All of this has me wondering if it was worth it. I have to remember how unhappy I was, and how, I do think there is something to be said for needing a mother who is a happy one. I am happier.
So, what is going on?
I see my last blog was almost a month ago. I've struggled to track calories, but am now in a routine (for the most part) with regular packed lunches, and a regular breakfast. Late afternoon snacks are my biggest problem right now. They are too high in calories. And our dinners are also not always carefully thought through.
It is hard to get in two mid-week runs. I have now started wondering about bringing my running clothes to work with me and trying to fit it in during the day, or just before I collect my son. Part of the problem is co-ordinating with my husband so that he is home to look after my son while I go for a jog. If I am able to do it while my son is still in daycare, that might work better. I just need to find out about shower-facilities at work. So, that is still plan in motion.
My weight is high again, but that is just in the last week, because the trend prior to that was definitely downward. I was in Belgium. I think that should say it all - Belgian chocolate, Belgian beer... work meetings that went into breakfast, lunch and dinner meetings, and hours on the train getting to and from Belgium. I did not manage it well, and then came home quite tired, so less motivated to pack my lunches and eat well.
So, I think I start the next 5% challenge very close to where I was at the last 5% challenge in terms of weight. I feel like in spite of the move, many good habits are there and they just need to become consistent within quite a busy lifestyle.
I think that's what I'm not happy about. This busy lifestyle. Surely there is a way to enjoy ones job without needing to subscribe to such a busy lifestyle? I don't like all the rushing around I'm doing. It's not me! And it's not how I want my family to be.
So, I'm back with the Awesome A team again. They are such a supportive group of people. I'm hoping to fill in my activities with them every day (need to schedule that in!!). I'm also working through the Beck book, with the Beck team. I haven't started that yet, but I will. It's a good book and another group of reflective thinkers on the team. And, as always, I sign up to the maintenance challenge, but I am currently way out of range and have missed a few sign ins, so I'm 'unofficially' with them. Another thing I greatly appreciate - that I can still be a part of the challenge, even if I have lost track of things.