Day 6-Stop the Train, I want to get off
Thursday, October 24, 2019
you might be wondering how yesterday i said it was my third day and today - it is the 6th. Well for the first two days I himmed and hawed and half-heartedly tracked. It wasn't until Sunday the 20th that I really got serious. But I decided that I really should jive with SP's assessment of my time here rather than my own.
ANY WAY...I'm down another pound! Three pounds in less than a week. And I'm astounded by how much food I'm eating on this plan. It's way more than I normally eat. I keep thinking, how can I lose weight while eating all this??? But I am. So I will gratefully accept that and keep on eating.
My daughter had a crisis this past weekend. She weighed herself for the first time in a long time and was appalled to find she was almost 200 lb. There's a whole lot of water under the bridge between her and food. She has an eating disorder and has been successfully managing it since her High School days when she was in treatment for it. Now, however, she is once more st
ruggling. I WISH she would come here to Spark where it is not all about food. It's about creating a healthy lifestyle...even sleep is important. I just spoke to her and she said she would give SP a try.
I do have to report that I am sleeping better. I have really crazy sleep habits...maybe that will change as I become more healthy in terms of nourishment. I used to get up and eat at night (I still do sometimes) but this past week there were at least 3 nights where I didn't eat at night. I've been sleeping more soundly and waking a little foggy headed--but that is because I was sleeping deeply.
I feel like I'm being dragged, somewhat unwillingly in to a place I'm not comfortable with and where I'm not sure i want to go. It's the whole idea of health. I've heard all kinds of nutty cures for RA and PsA--and doctors and sufferers who have tried EVERYTHING to no avail, all will tell you, "There is no treatment that works. Your best hope is biologics," a category of medicine which is highly toxic and which destroys your immune system. They have tons of bad side effects...and I've been on almost every single one made--to no avail. I waited too long to get into treatment.
Anyway the thought of "getting healthy" is a painful one...because i know I will probably, barring a miracle, be healthy again. So why strive for health if it is an impossible dream? I don't know the answer to this. We have the assignment, should we choose to accept it (!), to be the most and the best we can be. To live life as fully as possible while we can. Is it too late for me to do this? Is the damage too advanced?? Is health a tease? a false prophecy? if I get "healthy" will my symptoms lessen?
Stay tuned because like it or not, I'm on this ride and even if it doesn't take me to a destination I would choose and even though I've gotten on the train and it is moving...I'm not sure I won't leap off next time it slows. Or maybe I will stop fighting it and enjoy the scenery and the ride.