Saturday, November 09, 2019
I will try to make this blog shorter than its predecessors. On Thursday I went to the eye doctor and after he did a number of tests, he lowered the boom The glaucoma that I knew I had, he had told me a year or two ago was a non-critical form...that it would not advance and all I had to do was use the eye drops. Well then I had a hard time finding an eye drop that I could live with. Either I was allergic to them, or they were too expensive or they changed my baby blues to a muddy brown (irreversibly). So we decided that because of my exceedingly high eye pressures on Thursday, I would have to suck it up and let my eyes turn brown. And then came the bad news. I have optic nerve damage. THe glaucoma is progressing....rapidly. And it is true. I have been struggling to see lately. I had changed the settings on all my devices to large fonts. And I never seem to have the right pair of glasses on (I have three pairs).
I don't want to be a Cassandra...and think the worst....but nonetheless my mind has wondered whether or not i am on the path to blindness. I wonder how I will be able to get around...crutches (as now) my electric wheelchair--that would be tough if I couldn't see. white cane...assuming I can still walk. Guide dog?? Now Cynthia, cut it out!
My weight goals seem rather unimportant at the moment. Yesterday I didn't feel like eating and the only thing that seemed at all appealing or even palatable were comfort foods. Simple carbs. I will try harder today. Back on track. Why? Because sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other in faith that God knows what He is doing and what his purposes are and that He is in control. Not me Not my doctors.
Three years ago my mom died...and my dad, now, talks about what got him through those dark days of grief and he shared his secret: "Do the next thing"....he kept himself incredibly busy, moving from one task to another. Sometimes in auto pilot...but that is how he kept afloat. And that is some good advice. There is a lot I cannot do because of my illnesses but I think the sheer determination not to be flattened by this...to go on with my life as best I can...will get me through...and prayer. That is the next thing for me now.