The struggle is real!
Saturday, November 30, 2019
I have always struggled with my weight! I have a food addiction aka eating addiction! I can’t believe I just said that out loud! 😱 Ever since I was a child food has been something I could control, how much went in and how much didn’t! I suppose when everything around you is out of your control you find comfort in knowing there is something you can control! Sometimes I believe I have even used food as a punishment for myself! You know eating till it hurts even when your not hungry, or starving yourself days on end? Yes if you haven’t determined by now I have suffered from an eating disorder for many years! Do I fit a normal category of an eating disorder? No and honestly no eating disorder can be black and white in my book! As I have grow into an adult I have learned to manage my weight for the most part but always haunted by the obsessive food/ eating addiction in my head and thoughts! So the struggle has and always will be real! Tho I managed for the most part to keep my up and downs more under control! With older age and health issues coming up, such as gastroparesis, intestional imobility, pcos, diabetes with complications, and now thyroid issues, and multiple surgeries and more then likely more to come! My weight has spiked to an all time high! Now I am not even going into how this has effected my personal life and relationships that’s a whole another ball game and stressful issue all together! A ten year relationship on the brink of destruction! Where does it end? Now don’t get me wrong I am literally handling this like a champion now however a few months back you were lucky if I could get out of bed or off the couch! There is nothing worse then feeling like a 37 year old trapped in a 90’year olds body! Like your head is saying go go go but your body is say oh heck no and failing you miserably! No one understands what it’s like until you are there! Then you see things threw a whole another window! Like omg I should have been there more helping my elderly disabled family members, etc! Imagine one day waking up and not being able to shower yourself without someone to help! When it was just yesterday you could! No I am not looking for sympathy oh heck NO! I am just saying/sharing this because I think we all need to be more compassionate with one another! Just because we don’t see people struggles or understand their illness doesn’t mean they are not real! Doesn’t mean that they are just lazy and slobs! The struggle is there and we as a society need to watch what we are thinking and saying! We need to help each other more and be less judgemental and ignorant, because until it happens to you; and I pray it never does! We can’t possibly understand; but we can be supportive, understanding, a listening shoulder, and help as much as possible! Now I am taking over this whole different attitude then I did a few months back! Yes I admit I wallowed a bit in my anger and frustrations with all this! Tho now I have turned over a totally different perspective on things! I am a survivor; a warrior, and I will not let this ruin and control my life anymore! I am pushing my limits; I am making positive changes, I won’t let this beat me anymore! Doesn’t mean it’s easy and it’s not painful on a daily basis cuz saying that would be a flat out lie! The struggle is there but I look for all the positives and keep going! What’s a life that isn’t full of trials and struggles? Nothing worth while isn’t worth a fight! So I am fighting all of this tooth and nail! I will lose the weight I will battle my health issues and not give up! When life throws me a curve ball I will whack that ball out into left field! I will push back harder and stronger till the good lord calls me home! If we all stick together and support one another either online or in person we all can live our best and happiest lives! I guess this rant has come to an end! I never share really or post but maybe this can inspire someone or open others eyes! 🤷🏼♀️ Heck I don’t even know if anyone one really reads this or will read this! If so just remember your not alone, please keep fighting because you got this, and don’t be so hard on yourself or others! Lets love a little more and be kind and less judgemental of others! Till we meet again, peace out ✌🏼 my fellow peeps! 💜