Reversal of a Bad Trend
Friday, December 20, 2019
Yesterday I was quite discouraged. I had gained two pounds and then had two days of night time snacking. I felt guilty and out of control (the control issue is a leftover from 15 years of anorexia. Not a lot I can do about that at this point....Just need to keep it "quarantined' like a piece of malware....and carry on, despite it). I talked to INDYGIRL and she told me something that i had a really hard time believing --and that was that the reason I had gained the two pounds and had not lost any more was because I was NOT EATING ENOUGH!! My daily calories were below 1000, and I thought that was a good thing! She challenged me to increase my daily intake gradually..by 50 calories at a time, the goal being 1200/day. So, dubiously, I did that....and took on the night time snacking --which I knew was the result of the low caloric intake also. I used to struggle horribly with nighttime mini binges as a young adult in the throes of an eating disorder. My body was starving and it took the wheel from my sick mind and took control by forcing me to eat at night , when my defenses were down. I hadn't realized that that was what was happening now and I'm still not sure that it was. But today, after two days of calorie intake at 1000 or a little above, I have lost one pound. To me, that is an astounding revelation: Starving yourself or eat too little, can actually cause you to gain weight!
So of course, yesterday it was hard not to go wild with the permission to eat. It's only 50 calories or 100 calories more..not permission to have a party. But this morning, I am pleased to say that all i ate last night was the one protein drink that I had not had yesterday. So that means today will be easier because I don't have to cut all my meals back because of the extra 300-500 I had consumed the night before.
This morning, in fear and trembling--I weighed myself. And - will wonders never cease - I had lost a pound! Beth, I think you're on to something here! And looking back I remember the astonishment I had felt when I saw that 199 weight some days ago now. I had been eating more then also, but after that, had the poisonous thought: well if I lose on 1100 calories, just think how I'll do on 800-900! Years ago on Spark, when I had lost 70 lbs, I was eating 1200 calories religiously but I thought that the weight loss then was due to the tons of exercise I was doing. Now I see that while, yes, the exercise was good, my body really was happy with the 1200 calories / day.
Today I am leaving for my dad's. Both of us are trying to lose weight but we tend to be bad influences on each other. We already have a date with some ice cream on Christmas as we celebrate, just the two of us, with some DiGiorno pizza and ice cream. My plan is to eat slowly and watch my portions...and to track everything...and to enjoy myself.
Where ever you spend your Christmas and New Year, I wish for you safety, moderation in food, and abundance in joy.