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Saturday Update!!

Saturday, January 11, 2020

emoticon I'm wishing this emoticon was me. I think I slept okay last night, but it is anyone's guess. My fitbit has stopped tracking my sleep properly, so I can't count on it. I have not been getting enough sleep, and it has made it where my symptoms from before are coming back. Yesterday I was back to adding words to what I was saying without realizing it. In my head I said exactly what I meant. So many other symptoms. Felt like we went all over the place when in reality we skipped two places we were going to go to because I was being all fuzzy-brained. I got better sleep last night and am going to go work out in a bit and see if getting back to working out helps. I have not worked out most of the week because of migraines or appointments. Which really sucks, because I really think that the working out helps with the sleep and clarity of mind.

I have decided that even if my sewing shop project fails, it will still be a success for me. Yes, I may still feel a small sting from it failing, but I will still be proud of myself for taking the risk, for learning a new skill, for putting myself out there for possible, even probable failure. I am not a risk taker normally, but I feel like this is something that I need to at least try to do, and do wholeheartedly, so I can say I did it, and gave it my all. So I'm taking a huge risk by investing in the materials to make the initial products for the store to have on hand for pictures of what the products will look like, and so that I'll have practice making them, but also investing in the materials to have on hand to make the products.

This is my goal. To drop the mask. Not that I wear one often, but it is a defense mechanism that helped me get through my childhood and early adulthood. I want to be unapologetically me. I am who I am. And I did not realize that my I'm a positive person. My DD13 told me she wants to be more like me and I'm groaning on the inside wondering what she means, and she says she wants to be more positive and see the positive in thing and people and everything they way I do. What? I never realized that I was a positive person. I mean, I try to be, I really do, but I thought I was failing miserably at it. Apparently not. She made my day. But back to letting people see me, the real, quirky, flawed me. I love my BFF, we are so in sync. I've got a great mentor too, we've not talked much, but she has got a lot going on and I don't want to bother her too much.

When I was thinking about my past, and what to say to my therapist and for what I was wanting to talk to her about I realized I'm not as 'broken' feeling as I used to be. And the quote that is on all of my emails came to mind, can't remember who it is by, "We are all a little broken, that is how the light gets in."

Anyway, my 'time' aka sun lamp set for 60 minutes just went out, so that is my cue that it is time to go change and get ready for the day and to work out and all that good stuff! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
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