well earlier in the week I was flying high...one pound away from my 20 lbs loss and next goal. But then came a couple of days.....days lacking in focus and commitment. I even forgot a coaching appointment until I received a "Where are you?" email. I also had not followed through with my goal keeping or journaling. I thought my calorie intake was okay.....but inevitably since I bought some snack food, I was eating more than i should.
I knew I had lost my focus but where? It was when cruising along on the wings of my success. i was a bit concerned, but not terribly...until this AM and the scale reported a 4 lb weight gain! PANIC. I made an instant charge back to my computer to try to staunch the flow of wanton eating and its consequences. Now it is true that this weight I just recorded was NOT a first thing in the AM weight reading. I had been drinking my protein shake and some glasses of ice tea but none the less....point taken.
Like a slipping away of faith, it happened gradually, this loss of discipline and focus. I did not respect the fragility of my success at weight loss. I didn't understand that you cannot let up your grip on self control even for a day...because it is addicting. Face it, it is hard work to stay the course. And the slope is steep and slippery once you let go. The thing is, for the first two or three days of my slip, i was not eating enough. I didn't feel well so was just having a protein shake for dinner---and sometimes, for breakfast AND dinner. My bento box went unused. I told myself "You got this. Just don't eat a lot..YOu don't need the Bento box." Sure. I really diid say that...and I thought it was true. Guess what? It isn't.
I just got an email that I get daily with a Scripture verse of the day. Here is today's verse:
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. 1 Cor. 10;13
So what is the way out? TRUTH. Dependence. Self control. Submission. We don't like that last word. Submission. We are proud, independent and full of self deception. We delude ourselves into thinking, once things seem to be going our way, that "I've got this" and it isn't until the floor gives way in our Tower of Babel, that we realize how very weak we are. How susceptible to failure. How foolish pride is. What do we need to submit to? A lot of things. For me, first of all, God. And then to the program here...to my coach's wisdom. ...to all of you here who keep me accountable.
I feel thoroughly chastened. I am the prodigal returning from my adventures, humbled and sick inside. Time to once again get in the saddle and get back with the program. And I will. I thank God that i did not leave Onderland. That discouragement would have been unbearable.
So. No....i don't 'got this'. I know what I have to do. Now to do it. I can't believe how difficult it must be to have attained your goal weight and try to stay there. But I'm a long way from there....plenty of time to learn those skills as I go.
As INDYGIRL says. "Forgive yourself, start fresh , and move on."