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Defining My Why/Day 1 90 Day Tracking

Sunday, February 02, 2020

Read a great SP article this morning called Why It's Important to Focus on What You Gain in Weight Loss, where the author talks about how important it is to find your internal why. It's on the main page and only two pages long if you want to read it!!

So what is my why? I have so many reasons and whys!! But the author asks three simple yet hard questions:

~Why is losing weight important to me? I'm tired. I'm tired of being tired. I want to have energy again, I want to be in shape like I used to be again, I want to have energy to do the things I love like biking and hiking and just going for walks in the park with my dog, or around the neighborhood without getting winded. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. There, I said it. I don't feel comfortable at this weight. Yes, I've lost a lot of weight, but I still don't feel comfortable yet. It's hart to sleep with the extra fat getting in the way. I'm planning on getting a breast reduction, but was told not to get one till I lose all the weight, otherwise they will just get saggy again (tmi, sorry). I want to be healthy. I have diabetes and a few other chronic illnesses and losing weight and eating right will keep them in check. Exercise helps with depression and anxiety and other things. I'll keep up the exercise for the rest of my life, the dietary changes too. This is not a 'fad diet' it is a lifestyle change.

~Why does that reason matter? Being comfortable in my own skin matters because I think it will help with my anxiety and depression. If I'm happy with me and who I am (I'm not just working on weight loss I'm working on me as a whole through therapy) then perhaps my anxiety and depression and such will lesson. I desire greatly to go to the woods and just roam (hiking), take my pupper with me and just have fun. Getting a breast reduction means not only will I feel better about the way I look, but I'll be able to sleep better because they won't be in the way!! LOL! And keeping my diet and exercise up for my chronic illnesses means I won't have as many flair ups from certain ones, others I must work on with my therapist. Losing weight is important to me because my weight is my wall against the world and it is time to tear it down.

~Why do I feel strongly about that reason? Being comfortable in my own skin, as I used to be, means I will be more confident. When I feel more confident, I have less anxiety, or I'm able to ignore situations that would normally trigger me and focus on me instead, that may sound sorta strange, but whatever gets me through without a panic attack!! Getting in shape enough to go hiking and do the outdoorsy things I love means so much to me. When I was being abused my escape, my safe place was the woods. And I love being able to go into the wood, it relaxes me, I enjoy it so much, I miss it terribly. Getting down to my goal weight means I can have skin removal surgery and a breast reduction. A breast reduction is like having a lift done too (I almost had one done and then I found out I was pregnant so had to cancel). I can't stand the sight of the skin flap from where I had two C-sections that has now grown because of all the weight I gained then lost. I'm halfway to my goal weight and I'm not going to stop now!!!

Like I said, I have so many more reasons why, but I don't want to make this an extremely long post, plus, I have other things to talk about!!

So my 90 day tracking starts today!! I'm jumping in right away and going all in for Keto today!! I'm making my first fat bombs (if I have all of the ingredients....) with almond butter, they look so good! I'm probably going to get some more almond butter today and make some almond butter protein balls too. make either one my 'dessert' or snack for the day. I think I have enough money to get some beef shanks for a recipe I saw that I want to try so badly!! Yum! And it would last me all week! I'm on a strict budget, so I don't know if I can do that and get gas. I'll have to find out.

So, to go completely Keto, I can't have sugar. I got some great info from my Keto team (Thank you!!) on sugar subs. The one sold locally is Swerve, and just as I was told, it doesn't have a bad aftertaste, and is pretty good. But it does have a 'cooling effect'. When I'm drinking my coffee, I don't even notice it. But when I switch to drinking my morning water, it's like I had a mint about 10 minutes ago and my mouth is 'cool' from it. I don't like the aftertaste, so I chew gum right after my coffee, before my water, to get rid of the feeling. It's hard to really describe it because it's also a sweet flavor in your mouth... But it works for my coffee. I'm going to splurge next payday and buy Allulose sweetener, it is more expensive, but supposed to be one of the best. For my coffee, I'll splurge a little. But one thing about Swerve, it has powdered sugar and brown sugar. So baking with it will be a breeze. I wonder if the other sugars have the same aftertaste effect? Hmm.

Normally I'd go in with DH to church, he goes in super early to help with set up, and I'd either help or sit and read and watch the kids. Now that I have my own car, I don't have to do that. I'm going to work out here in just a few and then I'm going to get dressed and ready to go. I'll get there about 30 minutes early so I can try to mingle, if my anxiety will let me. I'm hoping that coming in later means that I will have more opportunity to mingle and talk.

I was going to take yesterday as my self care day, but ended up doing a lot of cleaning and errands and the only self care I really did was when I collapsed from exhaustion and took a nap. I may end up doing the same today. So either today or tomorrow will be self care days for me. One way or another, I'm going to get some self care in!!! I'm exhausted, stressed and anxious. Time to take care of me before that becomes a bigger problem. I may end up with partial self care days on both days (today and Monday), and that is okay, as long as I get some self care in!! I want to paint my nails before church if I have time. I have gotten to really liking having my nails painted all the time, and I love this shade by Revlon called 'Eclectic' (# 580) I want to go to walmart and find some fun colors, I dislike going to Walmart, but they have a bigger selection. I tried Amazon, found the exact color I wanted, only you can't guarantee that color, it's in a 'grab bag' and they pick the colors - it's totally random, so no guarantee I'd get the color I want. No thank you. It's weird to me, enjoying having my nails painted and looking this way so much, because I used to never paint my nails, the most I would do would be a clear coat of 'hard as nails' because my nails are frail and break easily. Now that I'm taking all these vitamins, they are a little stronger.

I think today I shall wear a dress with my new mid-heel shoes. I have a really cute knee length dress that is blue and kinda oriental and I have a t-shirt dress with long sleeves if it is more chilly (it has pockets!). Gotta shave if I'm going to do that, so I better go get to work on my working out this morning. I'm still kinda waiting on my coffee to settle though. I don't like having my coffee sloshing around in my stomach while I'm working out, so I give it time to settle down most of the time.

My goal is a total of 1 hour working out per day, every day, even on my rest day. On my rest day it can be a more leisurely walk and some light yoga. Something more soothing and relaxing, but still a full hour. I'll probably walk the dog for longer on those days, he'll love it. Plus he is really overweight and one of my mini goals is to walk him for at least 15 minutes a day, so I guess more on my rest days, because he is a small dog and was in good shape at 21 pounds and now he is 25 pounds and that 4 extra pounds on him is really weighing him down, you can tell it makes him uncomfy.

Okay, got hubbies coffee ready to go, got some water ready, got a towel ready and a podcast ready to listen to. Now to go get my pupper some breakfast (she likes to eat while I'm working out (I have to put her on a leash tied to the stationary bike so she doesn't get on the treadmill with me!!) and water for while I'm working out and get moving!

Hope you all have a great Sunday!!

~Flea



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