Keep the Faith!
Tuesday, February 04, 2020
It seems like I have been struggling for weeks to stay on track and to keep the faith re: my diet and weight. I've been stuck at a certain weight for a number of days and have been besieged by doubts that I can pull this whole thing off. I feel like I'm gaining weight yet I have not been. I haven't been losing; but i haven't been gaining. Beth says, "Always look at it like you are just trying not to lose ground to to allow things to become WORSE than they are"....so like, instead of saying "I can't lose weight! It's useless to pursue this!" I should think "at least my weight has not gone up. I have not gained." I am not losing ground. I am holding my ground but today I am afraid to weigh myself. I am afraid to see what the scale will show. I don't know if it will hold a good or a bad surprise. I don't know. The day before yesterday I went above even my maximum allotment. I was trying to eat near the maximum amount of calories so as to try to break out of this rut i'm in....and I miscalculated and went over board. And then yesterday I was aiming for the minimum number of calories--and over shot that by about 50+calories. it is hard, amidst errors like these not to throw my hands up and just eat whatever i feel like eating.
It is struggles like this that make me feel like getting to my next goal is an impossible dream. right now I am wearing a pair of BOMBAS socks - which was my reward for meeting my first two goals. and they really ARE as comfortable as you can imagine. You put them on and your feet go "Ahhhhhhh. Where have you been all my life?" LOL.
But stop! Think a minute. For how many months did you try and try to get to Onderland? And now I am not only there----I am 6 pounds into there! Can you not feel the wonder of that, Cynthia. You had given up;. You had thought it was an impossible dream. Well this next goal is just as accessible...but you CANNOT give up! You cannot eat to punish yourself. You cannot eat to encourage your weakness. HOLD FAST. KEEP THE FAITH. TRUST IN GOD to help you do this. You have support...USE IT.
Beth suggested that maybe my body is not losing because it is catching up with itself. It is acclimating to the new weight and when it is ready it will lose again. I don't look at it like that. I always think that if you gain weight ---and straightaway try to lose it, it will come off quickly. Weight that has "settled" and become a part of you, that has taken up residence, is harder to lose. I don't know how scientific that is or if it has any validity at all...but it is just what I have seen played out in my life.
I think for now I should "HOLD FAST" and just strive not to gain anything..it's when I expect to lose weight and do not, that it is the hardest to bear.
I just decided to weigh myself - which i had initially planned to skip for today. And I got on the scales....closed my eyes....and when I opened them I saw that i have lost exactly one pound. This is the first time I"ve budged from a certain stubborn number where my body had camped out. It seems that my body will do what it wants and that is not determined by my expectations or hopes or crushed spirit. Now, of course, comes a critical time. What do I do? aim high? shoot low? Maybe just do my best and let it take whatever course it will....but do not become lax and eat whatever you feel like. Keep the faith.