it has been another bad night.
A night where I started out on target--Then came a Nestles Drumstick ice cream cone. And a couple of packages of crackers and peanut butter. I listened to music for a while....and then the tantalizing thought of another ice cream cone floated through my mind. First, I weighed myself. Ufff. I haven't weighed this much since January 30th. Screw it. I'm having another ice cream.
I went into the kitchen and saw the box unopened on the kitchen table that held a new Vera Bradley mug. I decided to open the box from Amazon and see how it looked. It's nice. Perfect size and a good weight for my weak hands to hold.
i was about to proceed to the freezer for the aforementioned delectable when a thought wandered through my mind, "It would be nice to try out my new mug. I could make some Swiss Miss (reduced calorie) hot cocoa." It seemed like a good idea so i did. 35 calories instead of 300. a bargain.
But the problem of night time noshing still remains. I end everyday with several hundred calories to spare....and every night use up those calories and more. I am never going to succeed at losing this weight if I don't get it under control. The only time I don't eat at night is when the cupboards are bare and there isn't a single snack in the house. Now I could do that....but my husband won't. And I have no compunctions about having some of HIS snacks instead. Well that's not entirely true. Most of his stuff I won't touch...but those danged ice cream cones are the death of my resolve.
The problem is, I had lost forward momentum --my weight got stalled and i got sick of waiting it out. 193 no longer was a novelty so i stopped fighting for it. And now I weigh 195. I'm going in the wrong direction. So what to do about this? I should somehow use these few steps backward to gain a running start; a way to get my momentum back and to soar through these 190's into the 180s where I REALLY wish I was right now. But, Cynthia--a two cone night is no way to approach that.. I know. (*Looks abashed and digs toe of sneaker into the dirt....squirming.*)
If I could only SLEEP at night, then this wouldn't be a problem. Maybe I should make some of my herbal sleep remedy and drink it before bed....I'm not sure what effect that will have on my appetite. Sometimes things like that alter your consciousness and you can eat without even realizing you are. So there is a small risk that it will not work as I want it to. But there's only one way to find out.
I've come a pretty long way.41 pounds lost --21 of them recent. Beth Donovan says that sometimes your mind has to catch up to your body when you've lost weight. Maybe that's what this is about. Old habits arising to bite me in the bum. Time to slay these giants and take the Promised Land beyond. Like Joshua and Caleb in the Bible as Israel was about to finally enter and take control of the land God had promised them generations ago. The scouts/spies who were sent into the land to check it out came back with rave reviews of the beauty and fruitfulness of the land....BUT, it was inhabited by giants. All the spies but two said it was impossible but Caleb and Joshua were not deterred by the giants because they served a God who was SO much bigger than any giant. And it was faith like theirs that led Israel to inhabit and conquer the land.
Maybe I just need to find the faith to proceed. It is true that when I'm struggling with temptation it has not occurred to me to pray about it. And that is just fooliish. Like going to school without your homework.. Like running a car without gas.
What is the point of your weapons if you lay them aside and try to proceed on your own "power"?
I see what I need to do.
Now to do it