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Thursday, February 13, 2020

I have been with SP for 3 years. Back then I was 24 years old and 300ish lbs. I was depressed and felt trapped in my body, it was my coffin. I couldn't do ANYTHING in life without my body image playing a part. My size and weight was on my mind 24/7 and affected more than just me, being so miserable in my own skin made me harsh, sad, quick to anger, basically an emotional wreck. I inadvertently took out my own unhappiness on the people that loved me, and in some ways, I was ok with that because I truly felt like I was unworthy of love from anyone. One day though, I stumbled across a video on youtube. The woman was overweight, maybe a little bigger than me, and the weirdest thing happened, she said that she accepted and loved herself the way she was, she said it was ok it be jiggly and flabby and soft. She loved herself still. I watched more of what she had to say and one day I stepped off the scale and looked at the reflection in mirror, and I felt ok. I wasn't exactly happy, but I didn't hate myself. I started eating better because I didn't hate myself, I started exercising because I didn't hate myself. The lbs started coming off and I started feeling proud of my accomplishments, proud of what my body could do. There is more to the story of how I got to where I am now, but that will be another day, as for now I have lost a total of 115 lbs and with another 30 lbs I will be at my goal weight. 3 years, a lot of stumbling and learning, ups and downs, and one baby later I am at 186 lbs. I am still learning and have many obstacles to climb over, but the main thing is I know what I can accomplish, and that I can never give up on myself or my health. I wrote this mainly as a reminder to myself why I am here.
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