Saturday, February 15, 2020
Yesterday I had a good talk with Beth (INDYGIRL) about the vicissitudes of the scale and of the body itself as it fluctuates in rhythms, being influences by fluid intake, sodium levels, inflammation and the like. It is what it is. It is not my enemy. It is merely doing its job and weight modulations are a part of the territory. We are not in stasis. We are creatures that respond to our internal and external environments. That is how God made us.
Beth said to weigh daily but to disregard the weights. The only ones that matter at all are the weekly ones and even they don't really count....it is the weight on the first of the month that matters. THAT'S IT!! The only purpose at all to the daily weights is to make sure i am not veering wildly off the track. It is ok to be encouraged when I see the weights going down but i must not take the variations that occur on the journey as gospel.
Yesterday I weighed 191 which was a new low and a great gift....after a week of discouragement. Today I was up a few ounces but that's ok. It's really only when there is a sudden wide jump up 4 or 5 pounds for no visible reason at all, that upsets me. And even that needs to be accepted calmly. I see the swelling in this sick body..I see joints that triple in size overnight. All of that fluid WEIGHS something. It is not fat and it is unrelated to my self control or lack of it , in eating. It is my body's attempt to fight this disease and it is the disease redoubling its efforts to eat my own body up as it mistakes healthy cells for enemy cells. There is no reason for me to be angry at myself for that. It is a disease. It is not my failure.
All I need to do is to keep tracking and keep my intake of food within the parameters I have set for it. If I do that, fat will leave. And a monthly weight will more or less demonstrate that.
So thank you to all of you my friends, who have exhorted and encouraged me as i have struggled with this issue. I think maybe now I am catching on.