Carrying the "weight"
Friday, February 21, 2020
I've been doing a lot of thinking for most of my life.
There is one main thing I think on daily and its childhood.
I did not have a bad one, it was average. I was the typical daddys girl.
I was over weight, for all of my childhood.
I had no idea that the "weight" I was carrying as a child was going to follow me into my adult years and I don't mean physically here.
My mother hated the fact that I was not thin and beautiful. She expressed this so much that even other family members such as my grand parents, brother, and cousins would pick and make fun of the way I looked.
She would walk around shopping malls and point out particular girls my age and ask why I couldn't look like that.
I know what your thinking, my mother must have been thin.. WRONGOOO she was far from thin.
Her behaviors became worse and worse, the body shaming became something I always knew was coming. I hid from bathing suits, I covered mirrors so I didnt have to see myself.
SHE RUINED MY CONFIDENCE. Just down right crushed me. The words that hurt me the most were YOUR SHAPED funny...
Time has passed, but just like everyday I think of those things... But ya know what I need to throw all that behind me.. ITs hard for me to do that.
I hear those words everyday, I call myself ugly and fat all the time. The damage is so real.
The only person who can fix it is me though. I need to lose this "weight" Ive been carrying around in my mind, and in my body.