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Dog Tired!

Thursday, February 27, 2020

Yesterday afternoon, I just got back home from taking care of mom (4th week in a row of this) for 55 hours straight..... I'm exhausted! Just talked to my 2 other sisters, and I can skip going take care of Mom this Monday-Wed.! So tired! Needing a break. Going to get my haircolor/cut/styled! Waaaayyyy overdue, Lol! Thankful I do not have to go this week. Does that make me a bad daughter? I hope not. Being the retired, CHILDLESS, OLDEST DAUGHTER, means my other 7 younger sibs, who live near mom, think I can keep doing this every week! Have any of you had this problem? Advice appreciated! I feel like this puppy....
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    My sister did 99% of caretaking of Mom. I lived 400 miles away. I could barely keep my own life going. Then hubby had his stroke. There were 5 of us siblings. Wives of my 3 brothers passed away way before the men. One brother since has passed. My sister is the youngest. The rest of us are so grateful she could live with Mom. When Mom went to a nursing home my sister took a job there! It was part of the same system so she could easily transfer. Jobs in nursing homes, however, are no picnic, especially now.

    You should not be absorbing all this stress. You need to take care of yourself. I hope the family meeting can spread the care of your Mom around more. Bless you, chris
    124 days ago
    Please be kind to yourself. Time for a family meeting to discuss the situation & coordinate care of your mom. Sending up prayers for you, mom, & the family. emoticon
    244 days ago
    It is my feeling that siblings should all help out equally. The siblings should all sit down and make out a schedule of who comes when and it should be fairly drawn up. I only have 1 brother who lives 45 miles south of us and we have worked out a schedule where he does the grocery shopping and takes Mom out for lunch and shopping one week and we do it the next and also divide up the Dr., Dental, Hair, etc. appointments. When he started to slack, I called him and told him that with my spinal situation, I could not do everything and wouldn't even if I had perfect health. She is OUR mother.
    244 days ago
    There's a website you can coordinate care for your mom with your siblings, her neighbors, etc. Maybe the sibs who can't be there personally, could arrange for an in-home healthcare worker once in a while? If your mom would tolerate this. But the idea I had with this website was that it would help those near and far to see how much other sibs are doing, and feel like they need to chip in more. https://lotsahelpinghands.com/ (It won't let me put it in as a link, but at least it's a simple name). But also, I think it gives the main caregiver (you) peace of mind that someone else is covering a shift and you can rest easy knowing she's ok.

    Some insurance policies cover in-home healthcare workers depending on your mom's medical conditions. And, some states have programs like IHSS that will pay you to care for her, but also offer a database of healthcare workers. So, you could arrange to have one in the home while you're there (you'd be supervisor, but could get a nap here and there).
    244 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/28/2020 3:33:37 PM
    I want you to relax for the time you have to do so. The hair appointment sounds like it will be heaven for you! :-) Other than that, @2BDYNAMIC said it in fewer and more sensible words than I can, so what she said. I know you'll take good care of yourself. emoticon emoticon
    245 days ago
  • KAYDE53
    Oh yeah! I was the younger daughter who lived next door, and retired young so I was the natural choice. My dad was mostly able to do his personal care, but couldn’t cook or clean or drive. For the most part, it wasn’t that bad, but some days it was very wearing. Hope you have a good rest! emoticon
    245 days ago
    I totally understand how you feel as I had 3 siblings that did nothing to help out with my dad. Just know that you ARE appreciated by you mom and all your friends here at Spark

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    245 days ago
    Oh Robyn, I am so sorry you are going through this; you are human and our bodies grow weary; and plus you are doing much traveling, and barely catching your breath. I feel for you and it may not be easy, but I would say, 'Stand your ground." Wearing yourself out can lead to illness, exhaustion, wearing on the immune system etc. etc .... Your siblings need no explanation other than, "Can't swing it---not feeling well." (and being dog tired IS not feeling well) .... I also wonder how your mum took care of herself before this last hospital visit-----you weren't there all the time, were you? ... I DO believe the siblings that are close need to step up to the plate, end of story. (and if I had to 'fib' and say, "I am sick and do not want to spread my bug and virus to Mom." ....then I would do it. Your health is also at stake. Hang in there and stand firm; meanwhile I pray you get some good rest and a good night sleep----or two---or three---lol.
    I am here for you!
    245 days ago
    Whether there are 8 siblings or two, someone usually takes the extra load.

    I drove the "Bermuda triangle" 50 miles each side for almost 10 years between work, home and Dads.
    Was I tired, he!! yes. Did I become a zombie? Yes. '
    Wouldn't have traded it for anything, looking back.

    You're a good daughter and a good person!
    245 days ago
    Guardian Angels walk the earth among us. They pick up the mantle of responsibility when others shirk theirs.
    You are an angel daughter for your mom. emoticon
    245 days ago
    When my mom was sick, I didn't take care at all because I live 1000 miles away and was working with 2 kids in school. Maybe I was bad as could have maybe visited once before she passed and didn't. I think you are wonderful but shouldn't have to do more than you feel able to do. If you don't take care of you then you really won't be able to care for mom or anyone/anything else.
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    245 days ago
    it's not easy, can the boys help with other things lawn care , groceries , etc. what about nieces and nephews . hugs take time for you ,, maybe all pitch in to have a house care person come in,or groceries sent to house, Hugs
    245 days ago
  • LINDA!
    emoticon So sorry. It does sound like they take advantage of you. Glad that you get a break next week for a few days.
    245 days ago
    like many who have responded I helped care for two Aunts
    and took care of my mom for for 7 years its a journey .but i would not have missed the journey.
    Who takes care of mom when you are not with her since there are 7 of you can you divide the days up.
    and share the care. maybe each of you could do a week at time . like Crazy dog said can mom afford the cost of in home care?

    245 days ago
    @HUNTER0077,and @1CRAZYDOG, thanks so much for caring, and sharing your experience with me! emoticon
    245 days ago
    @1CRAZYDOG, Barb, that's just it! They ALL live in the same town as Mom. I live 2 hours drive away! The 4 boys do not help us 3 girls! emoticon
    245 days ago
  • HUNTER0077
    With my family who are still working and very busy I just have to stand up for myself and ask for help. But also I have done this so long I know how to make it less strenuous on a daily basis. I have to again stand up for myself to my mother and make sure I get time alone and good sleep even while I am taking care of her. It is easier for me because I am here every day and its my home too. I would imagine making time for yourself is harder for you since you are in and out each week and probably don't have a routine yet. And of course you have extra stress with the long drive to and from your mother's house each week. And further extra stress because you are not in your own home while you take care of her.

    So my only advice is to keep doing what you are doing - standing up to your family and also taking care of your needs along the way.

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    245 days ago
    I took care of both my parents and wish I had a sol'n for you. Do any of your sibs live close enough to your Mom that they can help her? Does your Mom have in-home help? I had that when Mom and Dad lived w/us as I still had many outside obligations and my DD lived @ home, too.

    It's a maze to get thru, that's for sure.

    245 days ago
  • VHAYES04
    245 days ago
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