Wow, what a month! Good, bad, exciting, fun and well, life.
Weight I'm up 4 pounds.
A week at Disneyland with my daughter and granddaughters and I'd love to blame that but I've been too many times that I don't overeat there anymore. The annual trip was so much fun, it always is. This year we woke the twins up the morning of the trip and asked them if they wanted to go to Disneyland. Amazing how fast 4 year olds will get up when they are told that.
They twirled with Cinderella, nuff said.
After the trip the problems began. While I started doing some mini runs the mass is my neck was getting bigger and bigger. Even doing a 2K run became incredibly difficult. I'd feel great that I got it done but I'd be exhausted and trying desperately to fill my lungs. I was determined to exercise every day the two weeks leading up to my surgery. I succeeded at that.
I have also met my step goal for 40 days in a row, a new record for me. Yup, proud of that.
Problem was while I was doing all these great things fear started to creep in about the surgery and I started to binge. I am not beating myself up about this. I spent three years fighting with doctors that there was something wrong with me, that I couldn't breathe properly. Three years of being told that it was menopause, panic attacks, thyroid out of whack. I was old, I was fat. I was accused of looking for drugs. Not sure what drugs they thought I was after. So yes, fear crept in, I was about to have my throat cut open.
In the end the mass had ended up growing substantially since the last scan and I look like Frankenstein's monster. But I can breathe! I can swallow food without having to take a drink after! Did I mention I can breath? I can take a deep breath and fill my lungs! I'm not dizzy after walking because oh ya, I can fill my lungs.
Today I went for a walk along the lake, I have been told to wait until next week before I start running again. It was so easy! I didn't feel tired, I didn't want to turn around.
My mind is so much clearer now that the fear is gone. I'm not excited that I have to re-lose four pounds but I do and there's nothing I can do to change that except get it done.
Three years I fought to get my life back. To be heard. I feel like I just got a new lease on life and I want to get back into long runs again. I can't wait till next week to hit the trails and start rebuilding a healthy me.