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I bought a treadmill

Saturday, March 28, 2020

The last 24 yrs of my life have been a struggle because of my weight. I’m 30 now, and I can remember being as young as 6 when I realized I was bigger than other girls. In elementary school, when I would hang out at friends houses for sleepovers, I could never play dress up because I didn’t fit into the clothes. In middle school, I was shopping at adult stores for shorts while my younger sister was petite for cute stores like The Children’s Place and LimitedToo. By high school I developed an eating disorder. It was supplemented by a love of the treadmill. Man did I love my treadmill. It was tucked in the basement and I would hop on for an hour every day, sing at the top of my lungs, and get a rush of endorphins. My legs slimmed out, though I never had a thigh gap. My tummy shrunk. My double chin disappeared. I eventually started tracking calories to know just how many I had to burn off on the treadmill. It became obsessive. There was a point when my parents wouldnt let me go on it and was forced to eat meals and my mom tracked to make sure I would eat more than 1,000 calories a day. I left my parents house for college and never felt comfortable in a gym. I would hop on a treadmill and hear a good song on my iPod and want to sing! It’s a hard habit to break after 4yrs if treadmill singing. I’ve been wary of a home treadmill because of my past. But I think and I hope I’m coming from a healthier place now. I want the endorphins. I want to sing and move! I want to drop some lbs and supplement my weight-lifting routine. I want to be more active. So, I bought a treadmill. It should arrive Monday and I am pumped!
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