what you say and do matters
Tuesday, March 31, 2020
I didn’t want to write this blog, but I had to let my emotions out.
I posted a picture on Sunday that was taken back in January. I’m wearing a cute hat, that I was too afraid to buy but my friends talked me into it. I’ve always loved hats, but as I gained weight and my chin rounded out I became even more self-conscious.
I’ve never wanted to be a person who cares so much what other people think, but I do.
In elementary school I was the chubby girl with an overbite, braces and headgear, and bangs with a bad cowlick. In middle school I wore fleece Winnie the Pooh sweatshirts to hide myself. I didn’t smile because of my braces. Thankfully I only had to wear headgear at night. I grew out my bangs but my hairdresser thinned my hair incorrectly so when it grew back I had to wear my hair in a bun for 4 months. I don’t need to tell you I was mercilessly teased. I moved to another school district, started weight watchers and thankfully my new middle school was nicer to a thinner girl without braces.
By high school I developed an eating disorder. In 10th grade, a boy from my old school came and posted pictures of me in the school. Thankfully, people tore them down.
In college the manager of the summer job I had posted a bad photo of me as I was walking on campus. People said horrible things about me. I was devastated.
I endeavor to be a friendly person. I try to be a kind, caring, thoughtful friend. I strive to be nice to strangers. Naively, I just want to be liked.
So when someone on SparkPeople commented on my photo that they posted it to twitter because people would be pea green with envy that I could accessory shop in the midst of isolation, I had a panic attack. I didn’t go to work because it worried me so much.
I just want to remind you, it’s not your job to shame people. It’s not your job to judge. It’s your job as a human to either interact with kindness or do not interact at all. The words you say and things you do matter, and matter greatly. And you never know what someone has or is going through. Kindness makes a difference. So does malice. Choose wisely.