When are we Safe?
Wednesday, April 08, 2020
I have been on self-imposed quarantine for three weeks. I have three of the high risk factors associated with COVID-19 and my family and friends have insisted I stay home...so i have, but it has been hard. For over a week I've had a cough that is different from my usual asthma cough...but it is quite sporadic....not constant. My eyes have been burning which i have attributed to allergies. It is not conjunctivitis - they are not red.. I have been having chest pain, very randomly and not terrible. My SAT's (Oxygen saturation) have ranged from 91-95. Because I have asthma, that is not earth shaking, even though 91 is quite low. As for being SOB (Short of breath) I am sometimes. Again, asthma causes that too and it is not unusual for me.
So all of these things can be symptoms of COVID-19--but they are not, I feel, consistent or persistent enough to convince me of the need to report them. My husband and daughter (who does not live with us) have been paralyzed with fear over this virus. It does not scare me. Worst case? I go to Heaven and see my Jesus! I think really, that is BEST case. I have been very close to death at least 6 or 7 times Times when doctors could offer my family no hope...and yet God preserved me.
Yesterday there was a quote by Ann Voskamp in her blog that said "If our soul is safe, ALL is safe". I so much believe that. I am not going to do anything foolish to jeopardize my health but I am not bending over backwards sterilizing everything I touch or every grocery item I buy. I am probably going to get some flack for saying this but I am NOT convinced that wiping everything with bleach is going to protect me. It is God who protects me if he should so desire. And my gyrations in sterilizing my environment will not change or cancel God's plans. I see my family's terror and find it difficult to assimilate. I do what I can (within reason) to keep items from grocery store, wiped down...to try to calm their fears. But you know, they will be afraid no matter how much effort I make or do not make. That is because their fear is not so much of getting sick. Their fear is of death. And we are all going to die at some point.....so that fear will remain, until and if they make Jesus their Lord. He takes away all fear of death.
I heard once that "We are never so safe as when we are in the center of God's will." (I think it was Elisabeth Elliot or her husband Jim who said that--Jim was martyred while a missionary in S. America.) Our safety does not come from weapons, armies, de-contamination, social distancing or anything else this world may suggest. None of these things is an antidote to fear. If Jesus is in the boat with us, the wind may blow and the storm rage ...but we are safe just by the fact of his presence. He told his terrified disciples who woke him from sleep "You of little faith"...They were safe just by having him in their boat, even asleep.
I refuse to fear.
I refuse to worry.
Be as safe as you can---and let God deal with the rest.