At the beginning (continued)
Thursday, May 28, 2020
The last six years have been a struggle - trying to be a good and attentive dad, husband and provider, stress of a dysfunctional workplace, broken bones and joints - all contributed to my excuses for my physical decline.
After only six years, I gained the 40 pounds I previously lost and added 40 more! A week ago, I was despondent and feeling like I was out of control.
Side note: My dad, who died nine years ago, was just like this. I felt like I was inexorably repeating his mistakes.
I don't want to die with a whimper. I have a loving wife and two great young sons. I need to fully live. I need to reestablish the man I need to, want to be. For them, yes, but also for me.
So last Monday, I began by giving up alcohol completely, as I had in 2013 (this is not a screed against alcohol - it is only because of what worked for me last time). The result - better sleep and clearer eyes. Then, yesterday, I returned to Sparkpeople, I returned to the start.
I am back to truly monitoring my food. I am seeing how my choices affect my calories, which are far more than I imagined. The breakfast I have been daily eating while working from home is 5 time more calories and more fat-filled than the oatmeal I had today. The pad thai leftovers I ate for lunch costs me 2/3 the calories I should eat a day to lose weight.
Will it help? Well, the scale said ,"No," today. I gained weight. But I own that, The lovely cheese and tomato tart my wife made for dinner last night was loaded with fat and calories - cause and effect.
Today I will be better. Tomorrow I will be better. I know how to do this - I simply need to do it.
So I'm back at the beginning. No guilt, no remorse. Because I'm on my way. There's Vizzini, over there.