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...and the Agony of Defeat

Sunday, June 21, 2020

Remember Wide Word of Sports that used to be on either Saturday or Sunday nights? They had those clips in the beginning of the Thrill of victory and the Agony of Defeat......and with the latter phrase they showed skiiiers wiping out in the scariest crashes you can imagine. Things that you don't know how they survived let alone skiied again. That's how I feel right now...The AGony of Defeat. I won't list the calorie count of what I ate last evening and early this AM.

It started with a bag of yogurt covered almonds. Then, at intermission, I had a DQ "Blizzard" and for the final feature, the rest of the bag of coated almonds. I've been at dad's now since this past Tuesday and that all by itself is challenging to my weight loss effortss. And there is a store here called Job Lot and they have all kinds of imported "healthy" foods and snacks;
Thing s like nuts , yogurt covered nuts, black licorice and imported chocolate. They also have personal care products, clothing and house wares. Too, they/ have a shelf of Portugese rolls and muffins. The muffins (which are similar to English muffins only slightly larger and heavier x3) are my personal favorite and yes, I bought some. I'm planning on leaving two of them here wth dad and just taking one or two home.. Below is a message I sent to Coach Beth that I sent her this AM.

"hi Beth....do you happen to be awake? I had a massive pigout. I actually ate enough in one evening to gain more than a pound. I ate a whole package of yogurt covered almonds and a small Blizzard from DQ for dinner. I'm sickened by my lack of self control...and I was so good the rest of he day. Now I'm bloated and afraid I'm back where i started. I know that logically, I should not be back where I started. Maybe gained a couple of pounds. How can I forgive myself? I know,, first of all,, i need to confess this to the Lord...and to ask for his help to move on. And then rejoice because it's not only a new day; it's a new week~ And while that all is good..it doesn't take away my bad feelings about regaining weight. I haven't weighed myself since I've gotten here. The last I knew I was 182 So what is the worst case? 5 lbs I would say... worst case would be a five pound gain."

After I wrote that, I weighed myself. It is not the best time to weigh myself but I really needed to know, ball park, what I'm dealing with. I gained 3 lb and no, I probably didn't gain that all in one night but most of it was. So I feel calmer now. I can deal with three pounds. It was stupid and self-injurious but I messed up. It's over. Time to dig down and get back on board. I'm going home (my home) tomorrow after an Md appointment so there will likely be one more meal out but it will likely be just sandwiches or maybe a salad from Wendy's. It will be hard to go back to the isolation of my home. Our county re--opened on Friday but my husband is convinced that another crest of the Coronavirus is on its way so he will likely not allow me to go anywhere. At least I got my hair cut and shared some nice time with my dad.

Carry on, Soldier.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DETERMINED369
    Forgiving ourselves is hard, but we move on and learn that even a mess up isn't the end and definitely doesn't define us! You are awesome and have accomplished so much! I'm encouraged by your hard work at this and when I feel like binging I think of you and say "If Cynthia can do it, so can I", It's a roller coaster ride for sure but the time you are spending with your Dad is always so refreshing for you! Enjoy yourself and have a great week!! Take care!
    48 days ago
  • RODILLA68
    Thanks
    48 days ago
  • VHAYES04
    Lol you fell off the wagon but you spent wonderful time with your dad. Now you can get back on track. We all do it. Don’t beat yourself up!
    48 days ago
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