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Life in a Hole (Warning, kind of dark)

Wednesday, July 01, 2020

Last night, I had a particularly bad nightmare. In it, I was a father of a family somewhere in China. There was some combination of radiation outbreak and disease, and people would contact it and die within hours. My family was dead, and I was in my last few minutes of consciousness while destruction raged outside. Sheer, utter, hopelessness and despair...

No matter where we live, no matter how safe we feel, the state of the world is weighing on us. On our minds, our psyches, our hearts, and our bodies.

Let's face it; I pretty much gave up on my health, my life and the state of the entire world back in March. I think it started with the raging fires of Australia. No, it started with caged children in the US.

So now I'm struggling to find my way back, and to find meaning in "being healthy" - whatever that means.

And all I want is a little hope/
And all I want is to fill my soul

"Life in a Hole," by Unlike Pluto

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Glad you are feeling better. It is nightmarish out there right now, but the truth will prevail and we'll emerge kinder and better.
    Keep the faith!
    209 days ago
    A father in China? Even in your nightmares you are empathetic! Your unconscious mind despairs not for itself but for the world. These are such troubled times, you are right, it weighs on all of us. What saddens me most is the division, people turning against each other, frustrations and injustices and fears turning into hatred and bigotry and separation. So... thank you for being a force for love. Keep spreading the joy, the world needs you. You are already so much more healthy than you know in so many ways, but you need and deserve to take care of all of yourself.
    210 days ago
    Just a late night update to say things got better this evening. Re-watched a lot of Pose with a partner and was reminded that we've survived pandemics and worse. I remember when I was young learning of people I knew who had AIDS - before it we even knew what to call it.

    Equilibrium for me can mean holding tight to those I love, learning to love those I don't, and find a little meaning in spreading joy where and when I can.

    That's all any of us can do, really.
    210 days ago
  • BERRY4
    I'm sure it's not connected... but I had a sleep-walking incident on Tues. AM. Found myself down the road & thought I was waiting for someone who I thought had called. -- The whole thing was "in my head". No one had called (able to confirm this). But it had seemed completely "real"...down to the "details" of where the person supposedly called from.
    My daughter suggested I put child-protective locks on my doors so that I don't get hurt on the street. She also tied it to taking melatonin for herself. (I have been taking a 5 mg dose most nights to try to sleep...) Who knows?!

    I would completely agree that this adjustment "phase" to life as it is right now, isn't going so well for me either. I was wondering today, just how one digs out of depression?? (I tried walking every day for 45 days. Nothing changed.)

    210 days ago
    is that your kitty?- so cute.

    The fires really got to me.
    Good song!- I had not heard it before.

    Healthy?- to be whole I think. Can be hard to be whole when you feel like your heart is shattered.
    But the darkness is (as I know you know) part of our wholeness. Just too easy sometimes to give in to comfort foods...staying up late.. not being active.

    One thing that has worked for me is to try to play again and eat simple foods. Like fruit or some cherry tomatoes. Things are so complicated that I find holding on something simple helps.
    210 days ago
    Oh, my sweet sensitive soul. For a while, be like the kitten who finds contentment in a full belly, a safe place and a gentle hand that caresses. That little kitten lives in the moment and has no thoughts of the human constructs.

    The hope is there. You have to wipe the mist off the window to see the sun. Your soul is already full; it is the human mind that thinks it is empty.


    210 days ago
    (this song, "Life in a Hole" came on while I was writing this. Thought those lyrics were especially appropriate.)
    210 days ago
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