Dealing with Conflict
Friday, July 17, 2020
Ideas From Sea Change by Leo Babauta
Responding Appropriately to conflict.
First see the conflict as detached from you and find peace.
The issue then is your response. At this point, your responses have a much better chance of being appropriate than if you are feeling wronged, insulted, angry, hurt.
If the other person is feeling bad or having a hard time, try to understand this struggle. Ask what’s going on.
see If you can help,.
see If you can comfort them,.
talk about the problem, and try to understand how they feel, and help them understand your point of view. Avoid the blame game.
It’s OK to apologize even if you don’t think you’re any way in the wrong.
Look for a way out that can make you both happy.
Note: If they’re physically or verbally abusive, understand that they’re having a hard time … but don’t allow them to continue to abuse you. That’s not acceptable. But it’s also not about you — they have a major problem.
Sometimes, it’s best to allow the other person to calm down, and then try to talk together calmly.
It takes a considerate person to behave like this when the other person isn’t behaving so well, but it leads to happiness, and can make the situation better.
So many times we grow into a unhealthy pattern in a relationship, — they get angry so we get angry, we say hurtful things, and we don’t work out a good solution. Or perhaps they get angry so we withdraw, and don’t talk about the problem. Then nothing gets resolved, but these patterns can be broken, if we don’t take things so personally and respond with love and kindness.
I understand that this way of doing things won’t seem right to many of you reading this who want to make the other person apologize when they’re wrong. But maybe if we don’t respond in kind, but rather responded appropriately, maybe they’ll get to the place where they can apologize. At least you’ll be happier that you didn't over react.
I say try this for a couple of weeks. I’ve found it tremendously useful for my own peace of mind, though I’ll admit I’m far from perfect! Bob