"Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver." Barbara de Angelis
"My wife asked me if I knew what her favorite flower was. Apparently 'Gold Medal All Purpose' was not the correct response."
This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald’s fast food establishment.
Not sure if they hired him….
NAME – Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION – Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY – $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION – Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD – Reclining on my mom’s couch.
SALARY – Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT – My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING – It sucked
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK – Any
PREFERRED HOURS – 1:30 – 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be ‘Do you have a car that runs?’
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE? Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising
It's National Canning Day! We're celebrating just in time for the harvest season, with so many ways to preserve our bounty. Hats off to you ambitious folks! What's your favorite recipe?
--Event Organizers Day: today honors those who plan events and keep them running smoothly; the position existed even during the Ptolemaic Empire and during Cleopatra and Marc Anthony's time; can you imagine keeping those events going without modern conveniences?
--National Boston Cream Pie Day: today is a salute to an especially yummy dessert, made with 2 butter sponge layers and a vanilla custard filling; it's actually a cake created by French chef Sanzian in 1856 at the Parker House Hotel in Boston which is also noted for Parker House rolls.
--National Crocs Day: today is a salute to that odd-looking footwear that some people just love; from nationaltoday: "Some folks love them and some folks don’t but no matter how you feel, National Crocs Day is an annual event on October 23. Believe it or not, Crocs were originally designed as a boating shoe. The “Beach” design launched in 2002 at a perfect event, the Fort Lauderdale Boat Show. The shoes were such a hit that 200 sold that day and, over the course of time, 300 million pairs of Crocs have been sold. Bottom line, at any given time somebody somewhere is showing off their Crocs!
--National iPod Day: today commemorates when Apple announced the first iPod in 2001, a new compact media/music device that would change the way we listened to music.
--National Mole Day: not for the creature that destroys our lawns, National Mole Day exists to get people—particularly children—interested in chemistry. It takes place on October 23 each year, between 6:02 a.m. and 6:02 p.m., to commemorate Avogadro's number, which is roughly equivalent to (6.022 x 10 to the 23rd). The number is named after Italian scientist Amedeo Avogadro. A mole is a unit of measurement for measuring mass in chemistry, and one mole of a substance is equal to Avogadro's number of molecules or atoms of the substance.
--National Pharmacy Buyer Day: observed on the Friday of the 3rd full week of October as part of the "National Hospital & Health-System Pharmacy Week"; today celebrates the professionals who are in charge of purchasing and maintaining inventory within the pharmacies and drug repositories.
--National Paralegal Day: this day honors those hard workers who do the research and legwork for the law firms while the lawyers get the glory.
--National Slap Your Irritating Co-Worker Day: (let me be clear, this is meant tongue-in-cheek, but if you hear anyone talking about slapping their coworker, this is what they're talking about); today is the day to slap those irritating coworkers who have been a thorn in your side; there are rules such as only one person per hour; poor HR is going to be busy today.
--SUDEP Day: Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy pertains to the sudden premature death with no other cause; today raises awareness as it is believed 1% of those with epilepsy will die of SUDEP.
--Swallows Depart from San Juan Capistrano Day: today is a salute to the famous swallows that take off from California about this time of year to head to Argentina for their wintering grounds; they'll be back to their California mission around mid-March.
--TV Talk Show Host Day: today is celebrated on Johnny Carson's birthday; this day celebrates all talk show hosts, past and present; the Tonight Show ran from 1962-1992; remember Ed Sullivan, Milton Berle, Steve Allen?; Joe Franklin was the first in 1951.