Choose the Better Thing
Friday, December 18, 2020
I had a bad week last week. It was bad in terms of self discipline and I struggled with an overwhelming sweet tooth.. Chocolate in particular was the temptation to which i fell prey in a big way more than twice in that span. My meal choices were poor...or non-existent because I was so full of sweets i felt sick and couldn't eat any thing when meal time rolled around. So I gave myself a good "talking to" and now am doing better, for the past two days. I'm determined not to allow myself to regain another pound. I was fluctuating in weight. I gained about 5 pounds or thereabouts...Since the day before yesterday, I have lost 2 of those pounds.
My goal for the month of December was to lose 2 lbs. Now that was supposed to have been from my low--two pounds from that-- so I've kind of messed that up. That's okay. As long as I am back on track. Now there is one possible fly in the ointment and that is Christmas/New Year's foods. Hopefully I learned my lesson from the birthday cake fiasco...when I ate myself ill on it.
I'm going to my father''s house on Wed. of next week and will be there to Sunday. Normally I gain a pound or two if I'm there for a week. But I think this time, it is what the doctor ordered: regular meal times and healthier schedules and food choices. If I can just manage not to eat too much in the overnight times --or not to eat too many treats.--then I will be doing well.
I am someone who has never really struggled with emotional eating. Rather, during times of duress when I'm either physically or mentally stressed, my tendency is to STOP eating. I absolutely lose all desire for food and cannot even force myself to eat anything. But lately, in a hellish marriage and struggling with mental illness--I find that, in a time when I have absolutely nothing to look forward to--I have been looking forward to my next chocolate "fix". I have been eating to comfort myself because of the losses and sadness in my life. That is a trend I must deal with now, and not let it progress or become habitual.
If I think about Christmas, in terms of its celebrations and being with family, I could allow myself to become very depressed. So I need to just be grateful that I still have my dad. I need to focus on the Lord's incarnation and his entering this broken world which brought joy and the hope and certainty of redemption and ending the curse on these broken bodies of ours. If I can look at that and at the possibility of intimacy with him and rejoice at what he has already done and then look forward to the culmination of his plan and the Heaven he is preparing for those who love him...then I will have cause to rejoice and an amazing Eternity ahead to look forward to. When my doctor asked me this week if I have anything I am looking forward to--the first thing I thought of was "Heaven". But despite the honesty of that reply I could not really say that to the doctor because I'm sure he would think I'm thinking of suicide. But actually, no. Heaven does not make my desire to kill myself a threat. In fact, it encourages me to stay here. To persevere and to watch his plan for my life unfold. To make Heaven even better because of the process of becoming the person God desires for me to be and reaching out to those who struggle with hopelessness and to share with them the plan of God for this world and to give them the good news that this world is NOT all there is.
"I am the Light of the world. He who believes in me, though he dies, yet shall he live." (Jesus' words) The Light has come into this dark, hopeless planet and given it a "hope and a future."This is really what the celebration is about. Not Christmas cookies, loaded dinner tables, gathering with relatives and not with the gifts we receive and give. When Jesus was visiting his friends, Mary, Martha and Lazarus, Martha complained to Jesus about her sister who was sitting at his feet, soaking in his words...Martha was worried about the big dinner she was cooking to celebrate with her friend, Jesus. Jesus gently rebuked her and said "Mary has chosen the better thing and it will not be taken from her."
This Christmas, Choose the better thing.