Have I every mentioned I'm an over thinker?
Wednesday, February 10, 2021
Let me begin by saying how much I love reading everybody's blogs. So many have great ideas, or recipes that they share freely. These things are very helpful to this person! I've never felt quite so connected to my virtual friends as I do now. Maybe that is due to circumstances, and many relationships on all levels, are explored virtually? I'm not sure...I'll have to think on that for awhile. But, none-the-less, I'm enjoying the familiarity of my Spark friends via this venue.
The blogs I read are filled with uplifting ideas and thoughts. Sometimes I feel as though I have snuck open a page of a person's diary, and I'm reading a page of their personal accounts of that day. When reading these, I think to myself....This is okay right? It's okay that I'm reading this? Should I comment? Should I just close it and pretend that I didn't read it? Oh the dilemma! LOL!
Today, for me, I'm not having a good day. I've been trying to shrug off this feeling, but it's a jacket that doesn't want to be taken off. So, I've been trying to embrace it. But that doesn't feel right either. So here it is. I'm naming it, recognizing it for what it is, if you will. I'm having a bout of depression. Likely situational, seasonal, whatever a person wants to label it with. I tend to have a good poker face. Pulling off my work days with grace. When I get home a new struggle begins. The struggle to hold oneself together. I'm going through the flight or fight phase, then it's tears or cheers, then anger at myself or others. It's a vicious cycle that I'm hoping I'm not alone in. That sounded terrible. I don't hope that anybody else has to deal with these crazy lows, but "misery does love company".
Thank you for letting me share a page of my "diary". It's one of the things I'm working on along my journey. To be at a place where I am comfortable sharing things that are hard. Being openly vulnerable. Okay, admittedly, I'm not comfortable with this yet. But, I did it. And that I will take as a step in the right direction.