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Have I every mentioned I'm an over thinker?

Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Let me begin by saying how much I love reading everybody's blogs. So many have great ideas, or recipes that they share freely. These things are very helpful to this person! I've never felt quite so connected to my virtual friends as I do now. Maybe that is due to circumstances, and many relationships on all levels, are explored virtually? I'm not sure...I'll have to think on that for awhile. But, none-the-less, I'm enjoying the familiarity of my Spark friends via this venue.

The blogs I read are filled with uplifting ideas and thoughts. Sometimes I feel as though I have snuck open a page of a person's diary, and I'm reading a page of their personal accounts of that day. When reading these, I think to myself....This is okay right? It's okay that I'm reading this? Should I comment? Should I just close it and pretend that I didn't read it? Oh the dilemma! LOL!

Today, for me, I'm not having a good day. I've been trying to shrug off this feeling, but it's a jacket that doesn't want to be taken off. So, I've been trying to embrace it. But that doesn't feel right either. So here it is. I'm naming it, recognizing it for what it is, if you will. I'm having a bout of depression. Likely situational, seasonal, whatever a person wants to label it with. I tend to have a good poker face. Pulling off my work days with grace. When I get home a new struggle begins. The struggle to hold oneself together. I'm going through the flight or fight phase, then it's tears or cheers, then anger at myself or others. It's a vicious cycle that I'm hoping I'm not alone in. That sounded terrible. I don't hope that anybody else has to deal with these crazy lows, but "misery does love company".

Thank you for letting me share a page of my "diary". It's one of the things I'm working on along my journey. To be at a place where I am comfortable sharing things that are hard. Being openly vulnerable. Okay, admittedly, I'm not comfortable with this yet. But, I did it. And that I will take as a step in the right direction.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SAPICL
    You are not alone. I just posted about my feelings in our team chat. My husband is the happy go lucky person and tries to fix my issues. This just frustrates me more because I can't tell him really what it is that is ultimately bothering me. I think not having control over what is happening in my life right now is partly to blame. You mentioned that its like a coat and my first thought was you have to take a coat off one sleeve at a time. Just like coats are for certain seasons and then we are done with them, this season that several of us are in will pass too. emoticon emoticon
    53 days ago
  • AAAACK
    You are definitely not alone in this. I've been struggling as well. Things just can't always be great, I keep telling myself. And that if we wait, we'll experience days that have such joy in comparison to these days. These days of bummy feeling will only amplify the good days (whenever the heck they finally decide to show up).
    58 days ago
  • I_CHOOSE
    It's been a rough year, Embi. Nothing is normal and even the most cheerful and optimistic of us find ourselves falling into the "funk". My outlet, fortunately?, is my DH because I can express my anger and frustrations freely. The risk with that, however, is that he almost always agrees and can draw me in deeper. I have to fight against that.

    Being a fellow Washingtonian, born and bred, I must admit that the winter weather on the Northwest coast is not conducive to happiness and joy unless you have webbed feet or are an avid snow person with access to the proper equipment. Nor can I imagine that your line of work helps a sad day, particularly this year.

    All I can really say is accept how you feel and remember that the sun will shine again. Something I just read in an old AARP magazine "Your life is a long book and this is just a single chapter. You don't know the ending yet."

    emoticon
    58 days ago
  • 17LYNDA
    Sometimes sharing is a big step towards dealing with our emotions. Keep up the hard work.
    59 days ago
  • PRAIRIECROCUS
    All the best !
    Happy Sparking !
    59 days ago
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