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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
6/12/19 8:43 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
1/6/19 5:39 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
12/18/18 9:59 A

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
11/23/18 2:37 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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KURTZIE1998's Photo KURTZIE1998 Posts: 33,947
11/17/18 8:16 P

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Do you know what a Turkey's favorite dessert is?




Ready


Peach gobbler

Joyce K. - Oregon coast - Pacific Time
5% Challenge - Weight Warriors Team
Biggest Loser - Scarlet Dragon - Sparktastic Summer Slimdown
BLC - Crimson Butterflies

My Fitbit ID - www.fitbit.com/user/3MX5WK








 current weight: 175.8 
181
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175.5
172.75
170
JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
10/25/18 1:07 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
10/9/18 9:42 P

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A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges. One Friday night she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "What time did you get in last night?"

"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.

Dead-panned, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk to the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."

AJokeADay.com

Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
9/6/18 10:26 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
8/30/18 7:58 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
8/26/18 10:20 P

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Little Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while, he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer.

"Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you."

"Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Little Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."

AJokeADay.com

Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
8/23/18 8:02 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
8/20/18 11:07 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
8/19/18 9:05 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
8/16/18 10:16 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
8/14/18 8:58 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
8/10/18 11:38 A

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
8/9/18 5:02 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
8/8/18 10:41 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
8/6/18 10:20 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
8/1/18 10:39 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
7/30/18 9:25 A

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
7/28/18 6:26 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
7/23/18 11:01 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
1,267,639 SparkPoints
JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
7/22/18 9:41 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
1,267,639 SparkPoints
JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
7/21/18 10:47 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
1,267,639 SparkPoints
JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
7/19/18 11:50 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
1,267,639 SparkPoints
JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
7/18/18 11:33 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
7/4/18 12:52 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
7/3/18 1:46 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
6/13/18 1:27 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
6/6/18 4:32 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
3/18/18 9:35 P

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Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
3/16/18 10:31 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
2/2/18 5:19 P

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I was at the pain Dr. this morning and injected my hip again and my back. When he does my back, I have to stay for 20 min. During this time there was a beep that kept happening so I asked what it was. My heart beet was down in the 40’s and then it would jump up in the 60’! I had never had that happen. The Dr. walked through and the nurse asked him about it. He was worried it was Afip. Of course I had to ask what that was. So he said check the heart. The EKG showed all was well. It must have just been my regular irregular heart beat! I felt fine so they sent me home after he looked at the EKG. And I was given a red rose for heart month!

Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
2/1/18 9:46 P

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Here's a list of the latest computer related best-sellers...

- A Tale of Two CD's
- Gates of Wrath
- Gone with the Windows
- War and PC
- Moby Disk

AJokeADay.com

Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
1/25/18 11:26 P

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A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in summer camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella.

The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?"

The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother?

AJokeADay.com

Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
1/23/18 10:54 P

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Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter.

First woman: "My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me."

Second woman: "I know."

First one: "How?"

Second one: "My dog told me."

AJokeADay.com



Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
1/21/18 8:50 P

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A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception. His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty.

“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."

His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.

"Well," he replied, "I said I was 87!"

AJokeADay.com

Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
1/11/18 11:18 A

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


level 25
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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
12/31/17 3:19 P

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Dallas heard that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays.

So, on his 21st birthday, Dallas and his big brother Damon, headed out to the lake. "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted.

When Dallas and Damon arrived at the lake, they rented a canoe and began paddling. When they got to the middle of the lake, Dallas stepped off of the side of the boat... and nearly drowned. Furious and somewhat embarrassed, he and Damon headed for home. When Dallas arrived back at the family home, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. "Grandma, why can't I walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him?"

His sweet old grandmother took Dallas by the hand, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January. You, my dear, were born in June."

Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
12/24/17 12:08 A

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
Sensational 60's and Beyond
Creating A New YOU
Northwest Iowa
World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
Over 60's


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JUDY1676's Photo JUDY1676 Posts: 819,205
12/10/17 10:06 P

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It was the first day of basketball practice at Wingate high school in Brooklyn, N.Y. Coach Jack Kaminer handed a ball to each player.

"Fellas," he said, "I want you to practice shooting from the spots you might expect to be in during the game."

The No. 12 sub immediately sat down at the end of the bench and began launching the ball toward the basket.

AJokeADay.com

Judy From NW Iowa

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12/2/17 6:41 P

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An insurance broker, living in Florida, loves ocean fishing and decided to take his boat out for a troll. That morning, he was drifting about ten miles offshore and received a business call on his cell phone.

Suddenly, his rod bent double and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool. This salesman was master of the situation.

"Pardon me," he told his customer calmly. "I have a call on another line."

AJokeADay.com

Edited by: JUDY1676 at: 12/2/2017 (18:58)
Judy From NW Iowa

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During the first day of Navy Boot Camp, the lieutenant in charge had a stack of cards with each person’s name on it. He said, “When I read off your name, I want you to step forward, say 'Here, sir', then salute me, and then get back to where you were!”

Lieutenant: “Andrews!”

Andrews: “Here, sir!”

Lieutenant: “Cooper!”

Cooper: “Here, sir!”

Lieutenant: “Seeback!” (No response) “Seeback! (Still no response) “I said Seeback!”

The admiral next to him whispers something in his ear. The lieutenant then turns the card over and says: “Lodge!”

Lodge: “Here, sir!”


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11/23/17 8:23 P

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'Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
But I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned
The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The thought of a snack became infatuation!
So I raced to the kitchen,
Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!!

I crashed through the ceiling, floated into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees ...

HAPPY EATING TO ALL, PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE!!!

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11/5/17 4:26 P

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Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?

Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.

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Judy From NW Iowa

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10/14/17 12:59 P

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Kids have a greater need for speed than classroom computers can deliver.

Impatient to turn in his term paper, one restless student kept clicking the "Print" command.

The printer started to churn out copy after copy of the kid’s ten-page report.

The topic?

"Save Our Trees."

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His beloved old white convertible was in deplorable shape, but he refused to get rid of it. So when the old junker was stolen from his office parking lot, his family was delighted.

Nonetheless, they called the police and filed an insurance claim. Their relief was short-lived, within an hour an officer was on the phone.

"We found the car less than a mile away," he said, trying to restrain himself. "It had a note on it that read, 'Thanks anyway, we'd rather walk.'"

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9/16/17 3:57 P

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We were hosted by a community for our practicum in Nursing. The town hall was already full so the town representative offered the stage next to a basketball court for our temporary abode.

One student came to me and told me that one of our students, Jason, wouldn't sleep on the stage. I asked why.

My student replied, "Jason has stage fright."

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8/27/17 9:12 P

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My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.” Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, 
I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap.
After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”
Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”

Cindy Yates, Mill Valley, California from Reader's Digest

Judy From NW Iowa

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My high school assignment ;was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war,I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”

Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.”

Judy From NW Iowa

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7/26/17 10:48 P

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The police officer approaches the driver, "When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least."

The lady driver looks at the officer and replies, "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."

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Judy From NW Iowa

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7/10/17 1:12 P

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A father was teaching his 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt.

The daughter asked, "Do I click the square?"

The father said, "Yes."

The daughter then wanted to know, "Single click or double click?"

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An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The now widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One day her son came into her room holding a letter.

"I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said. "Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"


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6/24/17 4:22 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

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6/23/17 10:26 A

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I can’t tell the difference between a rose and a dandelion.

So when it came time to fix up my garden, I had no clue which plants to keep and which ones to remove.

Until, that is, my mother gave me this handy tip: “Pull them all up. If it comes back, it’s a weed.”

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Judy From NW Iowa

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6/18/17 10:42 P

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A teacher was telling her class about plant names that have the word "dog" in them, such as dog-rose, dogwood, dog violet.

She asked the class if they could name another flower with the preface "dog".

Steven raised his hand and said, "Sure Miss Jones. How about a 'collie' flower?"

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A boy says to his friend, "Today my test results are out and my dad is at home. If I fail in one subject, text me saying ‘good morning to you’. If I fail in two, text me ‘Good morning to you and to your dad.’"

His friend agreed. Minutes later the boy gets a text from his friend. “Good morning to you and to your family and to your neighbors also!"

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I WONDER where I left my keys?

I WONDER where I put my phone?

I WONDER where I put my money?

I WONDER ......................................?

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6/5/17 5:10 P

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Rushing to get to the movies, my husband and I told the kids we had to leave "right now" — at which point our teenage daughter headed for the bathroom to apply makeup. Her dad yelled for her to get in the car immediately, and headed for the garage grumbling.

On the way to the multiplex my husband glanced in the rearview mirror and caught our teen applying lipstick and blush, which produced the predictable lecture. "Look at your mom," he said. "She didn’t put on any makeup just to go sit in a dark movie theater."

From the back I heard, "Yeah, but Mom doesn’t need makeup." My heart swelling with the compliment, I turned back to thank this sweet, wonderful daughter of mine just as she continued, "Nobody looks at her."

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5/24/17 8:46 A

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Chuckle of the Day – Another Dream Shattered




Finally, someone has managed to photograph
the pot at the end of the rainbow!
Wouldn’t you just know it!!

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5/23/17 9:29 P

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Employee: "Sir, what is the secret of your success?"
Manager: "Two words."

Employee: "And, Sir, what are they?"
Manager: "Right decisions."

Employee: "And how do you make right decisions?"
Manager: "One word."

Employee: "And, What is that?"
Manager: "Experience."

Employee: "And how do you get Experience?"
Manager: "Two words."

Employee: "And, Sir, what are they?"
Manager: "Wrong decisions."

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5/23/17 8:58 A

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Chuckle of the Day – Criminal




Larry’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the ten most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want very badly to capture him.”

Larry asked,”Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”


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5/22/17 8:57 A

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Chuckle of the Day – Three Men

Laughter really does release endorphins to the brain and makes your feel better. So when I received this in an email, I just had to share the chuckle…

Three men were hiking through a forest…



when they came upon a
large raging, violent river

Needing to get to the other side,
the first man prayed:

‘God, please give me
the strength to cross the river.

God gave him big arms
and strong legs…


and he was able to swim
across in about 2 hours,
having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that,
the second man prayed:


‘God, please give me strength
and the tools to cross the river’


Poof!!!

God gave him a rowboat and
strong arms and strong legs…


and he was able to row across
in about an hour
after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened
to the first two men,
the third man prayed:



‘God, please give me
the strength,
the tools and the
intelligence to cross the river’


Poof!!!

HE WAS TURNED
INTO A WOMAN!!!

She checked the map,
hiked one hundred yards upstream…



and walked across the bridge.

Moral of the story:

Guys, if at first you don’t succeed,
do it the way your wife told you!

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5/21/17 8:43 A

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Chuckle of the Day – The Middle Wife


“The Middle Wife” as told by a 2nd grade Teacher

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’

‘First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. ‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

‘My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.’ (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

‘And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.’

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along.

Wasn’t that just too cute? It is always said, “Out of the mouth of babes…”


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5/20/17 6:14 P

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After a tiring day at work, a husband was able to sneak out an hour early. He just wanted to get home and lie down in bed next to his wife.

He gets home and slides into bed next to his sleeping wife. But then he hears a sound coming from underneath. He puts his hand under the bed, expecting to feel the wet nose or tongue of his dog Buddy. He asks, "Is that you, Buddy?"

His hand gets licked and then he hears, "Yes, it's me, Buddy."

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Judy From NW Iowa

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5/20/17 9:08 A

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Chuckle of the Day – Being Literal

” Mean what you say and say what you mean” when talking to me, otherwise it is going over my head!

Here’s the scene…

I’m in the kitchen fixing my daughter a milk shake.

That’s what I’m thinking about…milk shakes.

A computer commercial flashes across the television.

Someone in the living room says to me, “I think I want an apple.”

“Sure,” I said as I walked into the family room and handed them an apple.



They confusedly stare at me and laugh.

“I meant an Apple computer.”


Obviously, it is best if everyone just remains very specific when talking to me!

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5/19/17 8:35 A

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Chuckle of the Day – Why Stretching is Bad For You




Stretching, as the prelude to starting to exercise, is very bad for you and really dangerous.

Don’t believe me?

You’re always supposed to start any new physical exercise slowly and not stress too much.

If I lean back in my chair to have a good stretch…

my chair is going to tip over;

my feet will fly up;

I will hit my foot on the underside of this metal thing attached to my desk;

bang my head on the floor behind me;

start seeing those little star thingies;

and be completely knocked out.

Obviously, stretching can cause unconsciousness!



Now do you believe that stretching is bad for you?

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Grade school children were asked the question, "Why did your mom marry your dad?"

These are some responses:

1. She got too old to do anything else with him.
2. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
3. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world, and Mom eats a lot!

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5/18/17 8:07 A

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NINE WORDS WOMEN USE....



Being a woman and actually knowing that a few of the following are even true in my case, I had to laugh out loud at these truisms…
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. That will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying, ‘Just shut up!’

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.

I won’t say which of the above are true with me because I don’t want to incriminate myself.


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5/17/17 8:51 A

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TECH SUPPORT....



Phone call to Tech Support….

On one call, the caller seemed to be taking an inordinately long time to complete each instruction she was given.

Agent: Ma’am, I can’t help noticing that every time I give you an instruction, it takes a really long time before you get back to me. Is your computer that slow?

Caller: Oh, no, it’s just the stupid, stupid design of this computer. Every time I want to click something, I have to unplug the keyboard to plug in the mouse. And then every time I want to use the keyboard again, I have to unplug the mouse. Because there’s only one jack.

Agent: Ma’am, you do realize that there’s a jack on the keyboard itself? You’re supposed to plug the mouse into the keyboard, and the keyboard into the computer.

Caller: Are YOU KIDDING ME!? Oh, wait a minute—yes, I see it now! Oh, holy cow. That’s going to be so much easier!

Agent: Just out of curiosity, how long have you been using your computer that way?

Caller: Six weeks!

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5/16/17 10:08 P

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A salesman, and engineer, and a technician are driving in a car when, just outside of town, they get a flat tire. The three of them get out of the car and scratch their heads.

The salesman says, "Maybe I should walk into town and get a new tire. I know that I can bargain with the man at the parts store and get a great deal."

The engineer stops him, saying, "No, before you do that, we'll have to do some computations, figuring the grade of the road, the asphalt temperature, and the average rate of speed we will be traveling to know what kind of tire you should buy."

The technician laughs and shakes his head. "No, no, no! What's wrong with you guys? We have a spare tire in the trunk -- now all we have to do is start swapping tires until we find the flat one!"

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Judy From NW Iowa

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5/16/17 3:50 P

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THE STALL...



Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the restroom,

I stop at a rest area and headed to the restroom.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:

“Hi, how are you?”

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don’t know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed,

“Doin’ just fine!”

And the other person says:

“So what are you up to?”

What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say:

“Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!”

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

“Can I come over?”

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them

“No…I’m a little busy right now!!!”

Then I hear the person say nervously…

“Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions


Don’t you just love cell phones!!!


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5/15/17 9:07 A

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THE WRITER....



There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

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5/14/17 8:55 A

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Barbecue Rules:

It is almost barbecue season again! It is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity .

When a man volunteers to do the Barbecue or Barbeque or BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine…

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – liquid refreshment in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine….

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he flips the meat.

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts..

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘ and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women!


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5/13/17 9:03 P

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Hahahaha! Good one,



Bonnie
Connecticut, US
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5/13/17 8:46 A

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Automatic Window




Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them.

Hellloooo……….just because I’m woman doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo? ‘It’s been a year,’ I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. Guess I won that argument!

I bet he felt like an idiot.

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5/12/17 12:53 P

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At a court date the judge asked, “What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?”
“Well, your honor,” replied the arresting officer, “I saw him lift up the manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, “I want to listen to it on my record player.”

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
* Love generously
* Care deeply
* Speak kindly
* Leave the rest to God!

Leader of:
Sparkle N Shine
Grandpas and Grandmas Are Special
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World's Best Grandmas And Grandpas
New Beginnings
Passing the Spark
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5/12/17 8:43 A

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When I Grow Up…



After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:
Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be very clear on my child’s illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a shovel..

Mrs. Harrington


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5/11/17 7:32 A

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WHY ME SHOULD NEVER…


Before I actually finish the sentence of my posting title, let me just set the mood.

Women think of weddings as grand events filled with a lovely dress, lots of people, little gifts, flowers, food, laughter, blah, blah, blah, etc. etc. etc.

We know that men do not need these things to have a good wedding.

Keeping those things in mind, let’s finish this up.

Why men should never…

Order a wedding cake.




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5/10/17 7:52 A

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THE LANTERN.....



A Delivery In Arkansas

In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

“Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there’s yet another wee one to come.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby.

“Now don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man. It seems there’s yet another!” cried the doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor. “Do ya think it’s the light that’s attractin’ them?”

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5/8/17 10:53 A

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Cows and Bulls


Cows And Bulls

A man takes his wife to the cattle show. They start heading down the alley that houses all the bulls. The sign on the first bull’s stall states “This bull mated 50 times last year.

The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, isn’t that nice!.”

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.”

The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one!”

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bull mated 365 times last year.”

The wife’s mouth drops open and says, “WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!! You could really learn from this one.”

The annoyed man turns to his wife and says, “Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow.”


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5/7/17 8:57 A

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Chuckle of the Day – A Five Gallon Bucket



An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up with nice picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, ‘We’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.’ Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’

Some old men can still think fast!.


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5/6/17 11:15 P

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5/6/17 12:28 P

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The Back Pew

A pastor’s wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.

After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After six children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor’s expanding salary.

A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor’s additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, “Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.”

Silence fell over the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, “Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.”

The entire congregation said, “Amen.”

Gotta love those senior citizens.


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