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7/14/20 7:15 A

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Amanda, I can't do burpees either. If you have bad knees it's not recommended to "jump" into positions so I skip them altogether.

I'm glad they got your toilet fixed. It sounds like the tension on the chain in the tank had to be adjusted. They may have replaced your chain if it was showing signs of wear.

Lemon Squeezy is a holdover from being an 80s/90s kid LOL. My generation kinda tacked it on. It's sort of like "It's easy as making lemonade." I guess that doesn't hold if you've never actually made lemonade... emoticon

Alex, I'm glad Kevin was open to your ideas. I hope he does look into the different therapies. I can't apply this to Kevin because we have not met, but I think we have a lot of adults that are slightly on the spectrum and it gives them the notion they don't exactly fit in. But because they go undiagnosed it leads to greater problems.

I'm glad your intake went well. Good luck tomorrow. I look forward to hearing your update on therapy when you are up to it. I'm sure day 1 will take the wind out of it you. It would me.

I can stream HBO Max but I didn't see enough we would all watch to justify the cost. We do watch our good rewards movies on our TV. I have a smart tv, but if you log into the Google account attached to "Rewards" on a computer you can watch on a PC. It adds it to your app store account where a google play card balance would be located so it's good for movies, music, and apps you pay for.

I'm better, thanks for asking. The ankle is still bothering me. I'm following RICE and my exercise if stuff I can do without putting the ankle in danger of further injury. this morning it was half sun salutes and some standing upper body twists. Full sun salutes is out for a few more days. The bruise on the right hip and upper thigh is turning a nice shade of green. It's sore to touch but doesn't hinder movement. The scratches are healing. The elbow is fine today. Poor Butters. he's been trying to say he's sorry ever since.

Mother is approved to sub at the Milan special school district. It's the neighboring district to us. She's doing a happy dance! She actually treated herself to breakfast yesterday morning.

Brenna asked me for an empty tote yesterday. She's begun sorting her dolls. She's not ready to put everyone away but she's ready to store most of them. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. She doesn't want my help. She says this is something she has to do on her own. I won't donate these. They will be put away in case I have grandchildren that have an interest.

In other news, Jimmy came home and thanked me for making an Amazon order that included another neck gaiter style mask for him for work, but this one has a nose clip in it so it won't fog up his glasses. One to wash and one to wear at work specifically. I also ordered small packs of antibacterial wipes and Brenna some headband style masks to try. I'm trying my best to make sure they are both comfortable for their 8 hours per day of covering their face. Brenna said thanks, she thought the headband styles might work well for her so she won't lay it down, it won't interfere with her glasses, and when the mask-wearing time is over she still has a cute headband. They thanked me for being stressed out so they don't have to be. It's a backhanded compliment (thanks for stressing out), but I'll take it because what they were really saying is "thanks for taking care of us."





"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

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"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
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7/14/20 1:27 A

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Eva: Thank you so, so very much for your sparkmail. I brought some of your suggestions to Kevin, will let you know in this post. Your group of all streming services you have covers everything I can think of! (except HBO but that's not streaming?). You told before about Google Rewards, and it's great you can do that. Can you play a movie gotten with Google Rewards on your tv? I am soooo sorry Butters hurt you so badly! If he's never done that I can imagine it was quite a surprise.

Amanda: Thank you for your tips about I statements, I remember that from therapy myself but would have forgotten if it were not for your reminder. Glad they were able to fix your bathroom, I can imagine the neighbor didn't just want to walk in. Glad you remembered checking into when your dental appointment was on time! And yeah, I'd be careful not to hurt yourself, I totally agree that's not a good thing!

Thank you both for your ideas. I talked to Tom and we decided not to 'confront' him, especially not together, he could feel ganged up on. I did the intake for the program and I start Wed and my last day will be Aug 3. And the lady who did the intake will also be my personal therapist during the program and she was very good. She kept giving me praise for all the work on myself I had already done, and I had to tell her that though I'm better now at accepting praise if she kept going I was going to hide under the table! After that Tom and me got some lunch and when we got back Kevin told us it looked like the neighbor was trying to call him as if wanting to confront him (no doubt he thought it was the pot that he smokes several times a day for medical reasons). He was not comfortable with that so ran into the house and hid in his room and did not come out even when the neighbor knocked on the door.

I was a little frustrated, my parents taught me to always keep good relations with your neighbors, but I wasn't up to going out and knock on their door, Tom said he'd walk out now and then to see if he could ask what it was about. Tom and me were sitting in the living room, and after about an hour we heard a knock on the door, Tom immediately opened it. It was our neighbour asking if he could come into our yard to fix the fence! We were relieved and said that of course he could. Also he told us that his wife had died :(

We told Kevin about what the actual reason was and he came to sit with us in the living room. And we just started chatten about superficial things and then smoohtly it moved over into him feeling there was no reason to live. And he was making a few jokes, he actually seemed like he was already feeling a bit better even though he'd been ghosting around the house for over a week now, it was very clearly a change with that. I explained that I'd been worried about him, and he understood. I also asked him point blank to please not trigger me by having to find out he'd done something irreversible, I had that happen with a college friend and it had cost me years of getting over, and some things are still hard. And he said he promised and he was not even planning to act on it (though when I was talking to him previously he seemed like he wanted to act on it). But he gave me that promise and I trust him.

I also mentioned the logic based therapy, and that there was a therapist doing it in Portland, but he is not even signed up for health insurance yet, there have been issues with his account that ran over two years, where he wasn't able to fix it with their IT department, and he kept having to go through the normal reactions first and then wait for the IT department for looong times and then they'd say it was fixed and it wasn't and five times later he couldn't do it cause he would have yelled at them. I also mentioned the idea of looking for help for people on the Autistic spectrum because they often have that logic reliance also. And he said he'd look into them. And after that it actually became relaxed and we talked and actually laughed a few times, and after we had finished that we watched some comedy which he said had helped him. And I think we're past the danger zone, and maybe me listening to him previously helped him feel a little better too, and if it didn't it at least didn't make it worse.

After that I rested some, very tired after the whole day. I ordered a card to be printed and sent to our neighbor, a sympathy card with the Japanese lanterns floating on a river on the front. I wanted to do at least something, and I'm no good at casseroles. Now I'm writing, tomorrow I can sleep in and I have no appointments at all.

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7/13/20 6:00 P

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Alex, I'm really thankful Eva has some ideas for you, since I don't. I have almost no experience with mental illness outside of my own PTSD and treatment, but I took to therapy like the lifeline it was for me. The only thing I can think of to offer is expressing clearly your appreciation of him and his help, and sticking with 'I' statements as much as possible, rather than "you are" or "you should" or "you need to." But that's only general advice for speaking to someone else, and not based on any medical or psychiatric knowledge.
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Eva, I've heard the phrase "easy peasy" before, but not the "lemon squeezy"--too cute! emoticon I'm so sorry about the trial of trying to bathe Butters! How are the scratches and bruises? Any other lingering effects?
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My toilet had been running constantly, which was annoying and a horrible waste of water, since Saturday. No amount of jiggling the handle made any difference. So I called and left a message for maintenance. I made sure I took the security chain off this time! So when I heard a knock on the door around 9 I called "come in" but the knock sounded again--it was a neighbor with a letter left in his mailbox--oops! emoticon Maintenance just left, and the bathroom is blessedly silent--yay! It wasn't loud, but rather irritating when I was in that room for long. I kept meaning to Google it, but knew they would be able to deal quickly, and sure enough he took a look and went back out for a part and it took very little time. We've got pretty great maintenance people, and they take care of issues quickly.

I couldn't find any emails or notations in my calendar for my next dental appt which was July sometime, so I found the office manager's email in my inbox (not just one of their auto-generated ones) and asked. Turns out it's next week on 7/22. It's not on the work calendar yet, so I emailed to get that put on. After my eye and teeth exams, I think I'll look into being tested, just to check, since I know asymptomatic folks can have it, though I've been careful. I'm sure medical offices are being as careful as they can be, but it seems smart to check for me and for them.

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emoticon Rats! I'm admitting defeat. I can't keep doing those step-outs in place of walkouts and burpees; the cumulative effect of 2 rounds of those in between cardio moves had my elbows ACHING by the end of 27 minutes. I shouldn't have to hit the naproxen as soon as the workout is done. I'll stick with squats, which I can totally do without pain. I did try the up-downs on my knees this time, and I think that modification may work, since it's only ~half of my bodyweight on the arm joints, and part of that time I'm on my elbows.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 7/13/2020 (23:20)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/13/20 7:04 A

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Amanda, I had to look up Chilaquiles? They look awesome, but if you are used to a meal that stretches for 3 days and this will only go 2 meals, I'd be disappointed too.

Our district considered rotating teachers. And I don't know that we are not. I won't know that until the 30th of this month. The A/B schedule might be Monday/Wednesday then Tuesday/Thursday with Fridays off. Or it could be alternating weeks. We don't know that for sure either. I have head activity teachers will likely rotate.

Alex, I'm going to send you a sparkmail about Kevin.

I'm glad you enjoyed your concert. I hope that you continue to find joy in reconnecting to your "pre-covid" self.

I hope you'll let us know how intake goes.

We have Hulu, Netflix, Disney+, and Amazon for streaming. Disney+ has been releasing a new movie every Friday this month. That's how we watched Hamilton. We tried Artemis Fowl. The book was far better. We "Rented" trolls from Google Play. I admit we do Google rewards on our phones. It's very short surveys and you earn between 10 cents and $1.00 for no more than 6 questions. So I didn't pay "real money." I used Google Rewards. But if I do decide to use real money instead of my rewards, it's still cheaper. But I do kinda miss the experience.

I like retro movies, but they haven't really played much I want to go see.

I bathed the critters this weekend. The first 4 went easy peasy lemon squeezy. Gypsy, Fluff, Pandora, and Esmerelda were vocal, but that's to be expected around here. Then there's Butters who is usually just vocal. He launched himself from the tub like a rocket. The bathroom looked like a flood had hit. I hit the floor dodging him. I twisted the left ankle, hit the left elbow on the tub, and the right hip on the floor. We were both out of breath before I finally tossed a towel on him to remove the soap. Then I got a dry towel and toweled him dry. I was bleeding from scratches over the towel toss. I checked him over to make sure he hadn't harmed himself because I bled on him and I wasn't really sure. I'll not bathe that cat again without back-up from Jimmy. I'll be alright, but if that cat had murder on his mind he could have found a better way to do me in.



"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find me on instagram @whatever_mrs_eva
~~~~~Co-leader of~~~~~
A Gathering of Goddesses and Meditation and Mindfulness





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7/13/20 1:33 A

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Eva: Oh Walmart's doing drive ins in some parking lots is cool! I looked it up and could not find which ones they'd do that for, but if one will be near us I'll definitely go! I've never been to one even before COVID. I can so understand what that teacher said, I can imagine that the children who need it the most have to do without resources the most as well. I agree that masks should be mandatory, here in OR our governor made them mandatory for all counties now, not just Salem and Portland, because our cases went up quite a bit. I think doing classes on the lawn is also a great idea, and if they need an a/b schedule kids will have at least half of the time a better learning experience.

I have not seen any of the Trolls movies, I guess I have to look into that. Now that Netflix is not the only streamer anymore we will have to get used to the fact that a lot of new stuff won't be on there. But we watch almost always stuff from kevin's huge hard drive, we hardly use even Netflix, and we have amazon prime too so I'm not expanding our subscriptions. Having your 'going to the movies' budget for movies from home sounds like a great amount of savings!

Amanda: Yeah I can imagine having so many longer workouts is frustrating if you need to do them during 15 or 20 minute breaks. and a long one would have to be done in one go, you can't just stop it and then continue the next break, it builds up and at the end slows down, so that wouldn't work. It's good you have a few smaller ones you like. What are Chilaquiles? And I understand the frustration with little portions. To me cooking 20, 30 mins just for one meal for two people feels soooo long.

I really like your idea, Eva, to create a running list. And you're very good at finding way more positive things about microwave meals than I'd have thought of :D I did do a lot of listening to my music today, but it was after a somewhat rotten start. It is about Kevin, and I am using his previous permission to talk about him here and because I need any ideas and input I can get, it's about saving a life here.

Kevin was sitting outside for a bit and so I went to chat with him, asking how it went. And he told me he was not doing well at all. Kevin is a very rational person, his emotions are muted, he does everything based on logic. And his experiences, his whole life, have been that people do not like him and kick him out of groups and he is time upon time upon time hit by 'cancel culture'. I can't really tell why, he seems ok to me, except that he is so sure of logic that he basically has a hard time accepting that many people make decisions or statements based on emotions and that that is valid too. So he comes across as that he looks down on everyone else. He knows this is an issue but he wants to be himself, not have to hide behind an image that's not true.

His motivation his whole life has been focused on art, (or more Art), writing music and songs, raps, storytelling, movie and audio play scripts, playing guitar and singing (he has an absolutely amazing voice) and more. But he's been getting hit after hit after hit for 5 years now, and he's been logically thinking all those five years more and more, through having a therapist cut off treatment after the first time he tried one, to being dumped by his girlfriend, to the fact that if he tries to fit into a group on the internet, for example a Dr Who group he was writing scripts for when he did the 'but this is logic and the other is not' thing and they kicked him out, a lot of other groups kicking him out, had him basically decide he was not meant to live 'out in the world'. And now he has concluded that art without an audience is not Art. That makes it totally useless for him to live. And he's wondering what to do now, because there is nothing left to live for.

Sorry that was so long, but I had to try and explain a bit. So, I talked to him for at least an hour, missing the first half of my concert, but this was more important. Also I had already paid a bit extra for it so I would get a video file of it when that's been edited in a few days, So I can always watch that later. But with talking to him all I could do is listen. I tried a few logical reactions (what about artists that live without being respected and then are famous after their death like Van Gogh, no he was still 'in the world' and interacting, said Kevin). Or I tried 'you feel that it is useless to try and be a part of a group or find another friend on the internet, but right now, you have nothing to lose, so why not try again? No, he said, it's too painful. ). So all I could do is listen and see his point of view. Which is what I did.

Now Kevin has very traumatic experiences of being thrown, by his parents, against his will, several times since he was 13 or so, into institutions for 'wayward youth' when he wasn't a criminal or anything. he just was not as wholesome as his parents wanted him to be, like talking back to them and stuff. A lot of stories he has about these places basically describe child abuse. I have no idea why they think that is ok, and I think it is still happening, you only need to look up the 'wildnerness survival' camps they do. Kids are being forced to eat bugs if they do something wrong that makes their food go bad, They have to do without socks (while walking miles!) for punishment, having to do things that take three hours like making fire (with only two sticks, not even a piece of string to make a firebow) after having walked the whole day and the adults basically throwing insults at the kids... He has more stories and they are shocking and it does not look at all like he made them up. He has quite a lot of PTSD from that. So, if Tom and me decide to call for help they will probably forcibly admit him, and he will never forgive us. Therapy is useless to him, he needs a logic specialist, not someone who works with emotions, which is what a therapist does. I am a little upset that he does not see Tom and me as reasons for living, but to him it's all based on that audience outside the four walls of the house. And now with COVID there is no way to experiment with that in real life. And he is so sure it will just be a repeat.

Because I was suicidal I am triggered by him as well as by my own stuff. And I'm scared of finding him sometimes after doing something drastic. And I have no idea what to do, and Tom doesn't either. We need to have a conversation with him but if we do it two against one he's going to feel we are a block and pushing him. We haven't spoken further apart from that hour and a half or so in the morning. I need any ideas or tips or suggestions you might have. I looked at resources for people who want to help suicidal people but none of it seems useful in this situation.

For the rest after I had watched the second half of the concert I rummaged through my music and found a favorite other artist who had a new album that was affordable as a download, so I got that and listened to it. I think tomorrow I want to try to play my guitarlute and sing, though I don't know if I won't trigger Kevin. I told him though I don't consider myself an artist, more an artisan, I like making pretty things and doing that helps me feel good, I don't really care what other people think of it. Of course it's nice if Tom finds it pretty too, and sometimes I show it to colleagues (I had a monthly rotating shelf of three of my paintings at work, originally, now it's all from home of course). So it's different for me. And I realized that yes, I need to do more of these creative things, music, making clothes, writing songs, painting, drawing, all that kind of stuff, it might give me more energy than sleeping.

Tomorrow I have to go pick up some curbside shopping at 10 AM, so I can sleep in quite a bit. At 1 PM I have the intake for that intense treatment program, and it is possible I might have the first afternoon groups right after, or they'll have me start the next day. No idea, I'll find out. If you have any suggestions how to help Kevin, I would be so grateful! It is having me in tears...

Edited by: AMARANTH13 at: 7/13/2020 (01:38)
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7/12/20 4:17 P

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Alex, I am thrilled that you are getting more rest and Tom helped you remember to listen to music that feeds your soul. I hope you enjoy today's concert!
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Eva, I shared some of your points during our Zoom chat yesterday, and one of the ladies mentioned they are having the kids stay in one room, and having the teachers changed classrooms instead! It would be harder for some subjects with a lot of supplies (science, art) but not for all of them.
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emoticon for your point about why trainers may be offering longer workouts. Yes, we need to move more at home, but not all of us can easily do it in one long stretch, but rather it works better to break it up in smaller pieces. So yesterday I added links to a 15 and an 8 minute workout, then today to a 34-minute one. I've learned to preview them first, especially the longer ones, on my laptop. I've decided to skip a few of the new long ones because they looked to hard for me. But the one from March that I reviewed today looked doable, and turned out to be challenging, but satisfying. I left a long comment and look forward to gradually increasing from the lighter weights I started with.
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I often make up a pot of soup for weekend brunch, using somebody's can or Cup of Noodles Very Veggie as a base, cooking up lots of extra veggies, tomatoes, maybe legumes &/or meat and cheese, spreading the portions over 2 or 3 days. But today I decided to cook up the frozen Chilaquiles Rojos that I picked up at TJ's a few weeks ago. Sauteed up veggies first before adding their ingredients. But it seemed like a lot of trouble for a relatively small amount of food--though I set some aside for breakfast tomorrow. I don't think I'll try that again, though it was an interesting experiment.
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Nap time now. I'll try to touch base later this evening.
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Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/12/20 7:37 A

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Amanda, I hope Amy listens to you. I've noticed on most of the people I follow that the workouts are longer. I think the idea is they are replacing a gym or we have more time because we are home. And that's not true. But I think it's the perception.

I think a Zoom gathering for birthdays is an excellent idea. People are having zoom dance parties and movie watching parties as well. When life is normal I hope your girls still zoom regularly. The meetings seem to brighten your weekends.

Alex, maybe reconnecting with what helps you unplug is the way to go. Do you make lists? Maybe making a list of what you've changed in the past few months. Good changes. Make a running list, like a journal that isn't a journal. (i.e. I choose frozen dinners as opposed to cooking because they provide both stress-free portion control meals and time for me to enjoy listening to since I won't be cooking for 30 minutes. Less stress and portion-controlled meals are good for my blood sugar levels.) It's just a suggestion to see the changes you've made that work best for you.

I hope you enjoy your concerts!

Did you see where Walmart is turning certain parking lots into drive-in theaters?

After my "rant" on Facebook, one of the teachers came behind me and added "Distance learning just did not work. Not every kid has the same resources." And she was right. But she heard me from the parent perspective and felt comfortable sharing with me for the educators' perspective. That made me happy.

Our "plan" was released yesterday. Basically, if they clean the place as they should have all along, we will be okay. Masks are optional (I think they should be mandatory), but temp checks upon arrival are not. Both staff and students will submit to temp checks. And we have new hand sanitizing stations. We are allowed to opt into distance learning for the first 9 weeks. And we are to be prepared to swap to an a/b schedule or a complete shutdown at any moment. Bug has asked to start in-person on time. I told her that is fine, but I want her masked up at least for now. I'm going to provide her a plastic bag to stick her mask in for safekeeping if they happen to go outside or she is eating or drinking. It's possible the teachers will hold some classes on the lawn. They've done it before just because it's nice. Some of this may alter once I see the classrooms at the virtual open house on July 30th. I may just ask her to have her mask on during transition times. We will see. She will have instructions that if the school closes to bring home everything in her locker.

Last night we had pizza and watched Trolls World Tour. It's so cute! I love the trolls movies. I got a kick that "King Thrash" the king of the rock and roll trolls was voiced by Ozzy Osbourne. The king of the Funk trolls was George Clinton (and the Parliament-Funkadelic), the queen of the funk trolls was Mary J Blige. The queen of the country trolls was Kelly Clarkson. I have fun trying to recognize the voices of people who aren't actors or I don't think of them as actors.

We've spent our "going to the movies" getting on-demand films and having a "watch party" with pizza and popcorn since none of the movies are going to the drive-ins. Which I think is kinda ridiculous. I know large theaters have been shut down, but drive-ins were a safe option. But the powers that be pulled most of the premiers and either delayed them or put them as $20 for on-demand. There's no "buy" option. It's strictly "renting" but I'm actually saving money. For the 3 of us to go to the movies, I spent at least $50 on drinks, popcorn, and tickets.



"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find me on instagram @whatever_mrs_eva
~~~~~Co-leader of~~~~~
A Gathering of Goddesses and Meditation and Mindfulness





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7/12/20 2:29 A

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Eva: I so agree with you about why the school is supposed to be safe now. It is all those things. I really hope that they will open schools for half the students one day and the other half the next day, or morning/afternoon so they can do social distancing. But that would not help the parents who need to work and the problems for kids in abusive situations or who don't have access to the tech needed. It might help you to mute everyone on Facebook for a while. I'll admit I go on there almost never, I use it to have an idea of what is going on in my family's life over there and some friends I hardly see or speak to anymore (and if I speak with them they always use facebook messenger).

Amanda: Thank you for praying for me! Nice that you had a good shopping trip and good workout! Zoom is soooo much better for my Kaiser online group than Vidyomobile was, I am so glad we use it now. I'm sorry you don't get to have your gathering this year, I love the birthday celebration idea! And the 2 weeks checking schedule sounds great too. I can imagine that if Amy only has 30 and 40 minute new ones that doesn't help with your short workout variety. She reads remarks on the videos, right? Maybe ask about that in there? Just a silly thought..

And as Eva brought up so wisely, yes exhaustion triggers me, I get really upset because there is no time to do downtime things that I enjoy. It's work, sleep 1.5 hours during lunch, get off work, take some time to decompress which is usually something very passive like 50 mins of tv. I often just eat Then it's feed fishies and cat and go to bed. THen even after sleeping 1.5 hours at lunch, I still need 9 or so hours at night, and then it starts over. I am not paying enough attention to things that recharge me, all I do is sleep, it might not be that useful if I can find other ways to recharge.

I am okay now that I have a bit more time to look forward to and hopefully I can figure out how to better take care of myself while working full time. I don't even need to do much in the household anymore, we don't cook but I eat frozen meals, which a previous dietician said were much better now and adding a few frozen veggies or a small salad helps. So it should be mostly healthy, Kevin is doing the dishes, no need for that. The shopping is from home on the website and gets delivered. Laudry doesn't take that much time and effort now that I only need one cycle for washer and one for the dryer. Tom does his own laundry now. So I have no idea why I get so horribly, horribly overwhelmed when working full time. The pain is somewhat less now, a lot came from constantly having tensed up. I started some meditation, Kaiser gives you a year on the 'calm' app which helps with that. I have my intake Monday at 1 PM and am not sure when I'd join if I am approved. The therapy will be 5 hours each Mon Wed and Fri.

I was overwhelmed again today and slept most of the day after our order had arrived, been put away (everyone helped) and after having our Chinese lunch takeout. Tom rested with me, he doesn't nap but he rests, I actually fall asleep, I think I slept two naps of 3 hours, so 6 hours total and will sleep well tonight too. After waking up I tried to start chicken quarters baking, but the chicken was on the date to use and it had gone bad! Very stinky, immediately bagged it double and threw in the garbage can outside. And I'd started to clean potatoes for baking with that too, so I put those back in the bag. And I was almost screaming at Tom (Kevin was in his room) and he managed to calm me down. After I was calm Tom suggested I put on some of my music and clean the 2 left fishtanks after the bad one had been cleaned 2 days ago. And hearing music again that I enjoyed had me realize I hadn't played any of my favorites in forever and I didn't know why. After cleaning the tanks successfully I went to the webpage of one of my favorite artists, SJ Tucker, and saw she gave an online streaming concert next week Sunday. I signed up for it, it was a small $5 fee. And I also saw another artist I enjoy, Heather Dale, who gives a concert tomorrow, same streaming organization, and signed up for that as well. I think that will help me more than sleeping hours and hours and hours, and I am looking forward to it.

Wayyyy late now for bed but after sleeping 5 hours and having the option to sleep in tomorrow, it's fine. TOmorrow is the concert, at noon!

Edited by: AMARANTH13 at: 7/12/2020 (02:32)
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Alex, that's sounds so hopeful with you getting support and more rest! Still praying extra hard! (Oh, Zoo Day was just the title of the Dresden short story, his first outing with his daughter.)
emoticon emoticon
Preach it, Eva! Truly, let your voice be heard--you have an important message and perspective. And for your own mental health, reduce your exposure to selfish idiots and negative people.
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Had a successful shopping trip to 3 stores, did a 25 minute Tabata workout by Amy; the sweat has dried now. Will cook up a hot breakfast and take a nap, then Zoom meeting with 6-Pack this afternoon. Ta for now!

******************
Had a fun Zoom chat with 6-Pack catching up with everyone, and we officially decided to cancel this year's gathering. An idea was floated to do a Zoom birthday celebration for all of us where we will put on party hats and eat ice cream at the same time. We're loving the every 2 weeks checking in. We do one 40-minute session, and after it closes down, we take a bathroom break and the host starts a new one in 10 minutes. Works great, and the greater connection is so welcome.

Got my minimum of timer sessions in afterward, as well as trying 2 new for me short workouts by Amy--for inner thighs and abs. I shared links in the usual thread. And in comments I made a pitch for more short videos. Lately her new ones all seem to be 30-40 minutes. I previewed the newest 40 minute one and it looked too strenuous for me. I have a lot that I enjoy, but I'd like more variety to choose from for my work break ones during the week--if I work all 5 days, that's 15 short workouts, and I admit I can get a bit bored doing the same ones too often.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 7/12/2020 (01:10)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/11/20 7:06 A

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Amanda, how wonderful you helped everyone's work life a little easier. I'm sure it's much appreciated by more than just Mara.

Alex, does exhaustion happen to trigger you? I know you have chronic fatigue, but I mean when it goes a step beyond. I know you haven't slept on a schedule in months.

Please let us know how you are this weekend and when possible up date is on your new mental health path.

Mrs. Eva has been a bit on a warpath with these people around here where school is concerned. I've seen it asked one too many times about why was it dangerous in March but safe now at school. This was my response:

"Because federal and in some cases state funding is being threatened for public schools if we don't return to in-person classes.

Because for some kids a possibility of catching covid-19 is the lesser evil because at school they have a few hours from abusive situations and a couple of hot meals.

Because child care is iffy at this time and parents need to return to work. Some have to make a choice of who gets to work so someone can watch the kids.

Because the mental effects of isolation for kids can be deadly as well.

There's a lot of reasons why. That's just 4.

Do I like sending my kid into the world armed with a scrap of cloth and a tiny bottle of gel? Not really. It's the best I've got. It's the best you've got. But you can believe returning to school in person, she's a part of that discussion. Her feelings are being considered. But giving the kid a choice isn't on the table for everyone."

I don't know what's gotten into me lately. Maybe I just need to mute everyone on Facebook for a month so all I see is school postings...

"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
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7/11/20 1:50 A

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Eva: I am glad you're saving energy by staying away from energy vampires. And about 'whose fault it is', though I support the protests (just not any looting, and it's not very clear who was doing the looting) I am quite sure it is also responsible for raised covid figures. I really like your idea for Confederate statues. I hope your mom will get news on sub placings soon!

Amanda: Glad your day was better. It's so cool that Mara and your other trainers are happy with how active you are around the material. And how cool you could work with her to get a better document! I didn't know Zoo Day was a thing, I have to look it up!

For me intake to an ER is a last desperate option, I am terrified of having to spend 36 hours all by myself in a small padded room with someone coming in every 3 hours to see if you need something and then hurriedly running off again. It took that long last time, but my husband was with me then, and now he wouldn't be due to corona. So that would be if I really couldn't even feel that I would stay safe to myself even if he's there with me in the room. The option above intensive outpatient but under ER admittence is a goup called 'Unity' that does mental health crisis help. They often keep you 24 hours, not in a small padded room but with people helping with medications and crisis management, and if they conclude you need more time they can keep you longer. When I was admitted a few years ago it was 1 week inpatient and then a few weeks of low intensity level groups like the anxiety group I was doing before this hit. Nothing to really get a leg up on the issues. I had been denied for DID before but now I mentioned it from the beginning and they said that they had many people with different diagnoses and they would look at other things to see if it is a good fit.

But it looks like the intensive outpatient treatment is most likely. I spoke to my psychiatrist today, we did not change meds cause I'm maxed on a lot of them. She keeps an eye on things, and helped me get a note for being off work for 4 weeks, the intensive outpatient would be 3 and then a week to get ready for work again. I also talked to the case manager again, she's been super helpful. Now Tom will help me get through the weekend safely and on Monday i have an intake at 1 PM. Not sure if I get in, when it will start.

Having enough rest, some hope, and a bit less stress has been helping how I'm feeling. I haven't been doing very much apart from talking to mental health professionals but it's good to be able to just sleep how long I need. Tomorrow it's Saturday. Our order will come in and we'll get Chinese lunch takeout.

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I had a much better day. It started slow, so I squeezed in a few timer sessions. I printed the revised plan for adding the North A and North B regional teams to our WIC scheduling pilot. (We've been doing South A and South B teams for 3 weeks now.) I reviewed it and added some questions to ones I had written yesterday to ask. We had a good Skype meeting, with me providing a lot of feedback and asking a number of questions. I know Mara (our primary WUC contact) always welcomes my input and feedback. I emailed a couple of suggestions for the document--adding page numbers to the footer & adding a helpful comment about scheduling in alternate clinics before a table so that one of the clinics wasn't split between two pages.

Mara tried to do the page thing, but was having problems, so I played with the document & found where to do it automatically, and she did my revision idea that prevented that split between pages. By the end of the day, we both agreed we had a better document. That's fun for me to find little tweaks to make something better.

During lunch I finished the last short story in Butcher's 2nd Harry Dresden anthology, Zoo Day, which he tells from 3 different points of view: Harry's, his daughter's, and Mouse's (a powerful temple foo dog & guardian), as each one battles supernatural nasties during a joint outing to the zoo. I laughed out loud and choked up, especially during Mouse's narrative and his take on humans who can be "heart stupid." I share some quotes elsewhere.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/10/20 8:10 A

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Amanda, I have had yoga flows bring up some really intense emotions. But if it's ever physically painful I stop. I take child pose on the floor or mountain pose if I'm standing. Provided there's no modification. Or I find an alternative video. There's a reason I'm not a fan of Shiva Rae and every other yogi loves her.

Alex, I pray intake goes well at the outpatient facility. You've mentioned a third option for treatment. What is it? I know here intake through an ER happens often. It usually leads to 2 weeks inpatient and then an outpatient treatment plan.

I'm sleepy a lot here of late. I think I'm just emotionally worn out. I've found myself not talking to the people who suck my energy dry any more than I have to. I overslept this morning. I'm not going anywhere and I've agreed with Brenna that if we run our alarms 4 days a week until the first week of school we can have a 3 day weekend so to speak the rest of the summer. She thought it was a good deal.

We still don't know what the re-opening of our school will look like. The board meeting to approve plans was last night. Maybe we will know soon. Honestly, I hope it's the hybrid model of alternating weeks.

The local quarrel over whose fault it is, vacationers or protesters, is getting to me. Yesterday I ticked off both sets of friends and said, "I stayed home. I wore my mask. I did not vacation. I did not protest without proper PPE. All I know for sure is I listened to leaders that made the most sense to me and stayed home. I also did not go to a bar or night club. So as far as I'm concerned it's all y'alls fault because none of you that engaged in these activities listened to the CDC, Dr. Birx, or Dr. Fauci. " My southern came out in me.

They are also getting to me over the Confederate flag/Mississippi and monuments. I've outright asked several if they even knew those monuments existed before they saw the evening news. Remove them safely (protesters toppling them is going to get someone seriously hurt) and put them in an interpretive center. Charge a small fee for upkeep and if people want to be exposed to the culture of the Confederacy they will flock with glee with entrance fee in hand. By the way, I've had 1 answer yes they were aware of the monument in question but that's because it's on the lawn of our home town courthouse. So the rest of the time I ask "Why are you so fired up about it then?" If your heritage is tied that strongly to a defeated nation's 155-year old flag or a monument maybe you need to do some soul searching. After all, it's hard to be the land of hospitality (We southern are supposed to be known for our hospitality, right?) if half your people feel like hate symbols surround them. What's hospitable about that?

I'll get off my soapbox now.

But I suspect between the unknowns of school, my friends being all fired up about "southern heritage" (mine, by the way, is defined by my love of lemon icebox pie, sweet tea shared on my front porch or in the kitchen, and fried chicken. That's a bad joke sorry) and the kurfuffles about the virus spreading I'm just emotionally drained. The good news is, I finally have my mom's stuff mostly in order! She filled out an application with the Milan school district to substitute teach yesterday. We haven't head from Gibson County when new sub training will take place. The library applications are on hold because a staff member was exposed to corona.


"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
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7/10/20 2:16 A

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Eva: I'm really glad Brenna was able to stand up for herself that well.

Amanda: Sorry you had some bad calls.

I spole witht he case manager and she updated my safety plan with her. I asked my GP for a doctor's note but she sent me to ask the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist had some further questions so I'm talking to her tomorrow morning on the phone.

I have an intake set for the intense out patent therapy, 3 6-hour days, Mon Wed and Fri. We'll do the intake on Monday and if I get the ok I could startt that day. If they refuse me at the intake I still have the other option.

Done lots of sleeping and hanging around, nto really very active, but I really needed to start cleaning the fish tanks, I've not been taking good care of them. Tom helped me by suggesting I put music on when I cleaned them and that helped.

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7/9/20 7:42 P

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Alex, giving the folks who have said no a professional referral isn't a bad idea. Or can you reach out to him to speak to the contact person who has nixed your application? It might not work--but maybe it would make a difference.

Eva, good for Brenna! emoticon Hoping the preferred masks arrive soon! Glad lunch was a good, safe experience.

A couple of doozy calls today, but not as many, and the volume hasn't been as crazy as yesterday. Plus sleeping more helped! I really want to get better at getting ready around 10 so I'm in bed w/ lights out at 10:30.
emoticon


****************

Well that was a bummer! I finally tried my new Lilias yoga for fitness DVD, and the first flow routine started OK, then got a bit uncomfortable and hard to follow, then downright painful. When I started crying, it was "Oh, no. We need to shut this off--and find something to make us feel better NOW. So I got on YouTube and played that Jessica Smith "Under the Weather" routine I found recently, and I moved a little and stretched, and felt completely calm by the end of the 13 minutes. I'm thankful I stopped the one and had the other to fall back on!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 7/10/2020 (00:52)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/9/20 7:21 A

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Amanda, I hope you have a more balanced day. It's been so hard finding true balance here lately.

Alex, I really hope you get better news. you are in my prayers and I really hope they find some way to help you. The mental health care system is so difficult to navigate.

Well, I heard from Old Navy. I have a new estimated date for delivery from old Navy, but it keeps changing. The package is in Nashville. I figure i'll have it by the first of the week at the latest. I expect a new update later today. Funny how there's no information on it until I gave Old Navy a bad review simply because I hadn't received a product as promised and ripped their customer service response at the same time. I've never had a shipping issue with them before. Everything else arrived in about 10 days after the order.

I only ordered these because they are made from the soft t-shirt material and Brenna will have to wear them for extended periods at school. It's literally for her comfort and sense of personal style. I've also ordered her some from a more local Etsy store. She and I wear about the same size, so she'll get the first pick of everything when it arrives. She's 12. She wants cute and not just plain black, of which I have several. They fit Jimmy so it will all be fine.

We went out and about with my mother yesterday. I had to choose my birthday gift. She actually kept her mask on in stores! And by stores I mean 2.

Brenna was aflutter because school supplies were going out in one store. I had the list so I just let her pick her supplies. She had plenty of time to select her colors without feeling rushed. She was happy she had first pick. Mother thought she was being picky when Brenna said "I want my black pencils." We found them but I had to explain it's not about being picky. Brenna heard me and took it over. She turned around and said "I'm the only one that uses black pencils because they aren't cute. The girls don't like them and the boys that don't keep up with theirs usually only have yellow pencils because that's what the teachers loan them. If I drop it I know exactly which pencil is mine. Plus the wood and lead in these don't break very often and the erasers stay attached." I was proud of her for taking up for herself and giving a good reason of why she wanted that specific type of pencil. It's a little thing, but I liked seeing her confidence when an adult was questioning her.

We did grab lunch out at a local Chinese place. They had the place set up 1-way and you place an order. You had to sanitize your hands before they would seat you and they skipped tables. It was nice to see a buffet had altered its business plan to fit the modern narrative. We went in knowing what they had done for your safety as it was on a sandwich board outside by the door.

Today we stay home. I have 2 days worth of laundry since I was out yesterday. Brenna has informed me she's helping cook dinner. She's making a turkey meatloaf. Jim wants us to go do the shopping Saturday morning since I'll need some heavier things lifted. So I get a day of "rest" tomorrow.

"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
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7/9/20 12:19 A

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I also am not sure why I'm not 'bad enough' but we'll see. The intense outpatient program has denied me before because my mental health challenges are unusual and they are afraid that it will 'take the attention away from others' when in a group. They should talk to my other group therapist, he can attest to the fact that I do not make drama in groups.

Haven't heard from the inpatient program yet, will most likely tomorrow. If that doesn't work,t here is one other option.

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7/8/20 12:12 P

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Alex, hoping & praying really hard ( emoticon emoticon see how hard I'm praying?) that you get into the outpatient program! And so thankful your parents can help with money if needed--a weight off your shoulders.
emoticon
Eva, oh yes, missing masks! It was after I reported to the post office that I got a pretty quick delivery. But I learned my lesson, and will stick with local Etsy suppliers when I can. That's a lot of incentive to wear a mask! I remember back when I was a bookstore manager, I had a part time bookseller who got a different job and just quit coming, but never informed me. Later when she lost that job, or just wanted to come back, she called, but I informed her she wasn't rehirable because the separation reason was "job abandonment" and meant she was permanently not rehirable. A painful life lesson in job responsibility for a young person.

*****************************
I wrote that a little after 9 this morning. The day started slow, but kept picking up where the calls started backing up. I had a large number of complicated and confusing situations and got more and more exhausted. I stayed up later than planned last night, finishing Skin Game which was *wonderful*! I had forgotten a lot of it, and forgotten just how emotionally satisfying the story was.

I resisted the urge to snack after a stressful work day, enjoying some Rainier cherries instead. I did my few timer sessions again, and will shoot for being in bed by 10 tonight. Wish me luck! And may we all have an intentional and balanced Thursday.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 7/9/2020 (00:05)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/8/20 6:57 A

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Amanda, I hope your energy maintains today. I would be super frustrated with the lack of training. I know it all has to be done in a virtual setting, but that doesn't excuse a lack of training available.

Good for you working on your Pele Project!

Alex, I hope you hear from your outpatient program soon. I don't understand if you've had thought of self-harm how they would say you do not qualify for residential, even if there is a capacity restriction. In the meantime, if you need anything we are here.

I got the grass cut yesterday. And the few house chores are done. Later this morning my mother is wanting me to meet her for lunch and shopping for me a birthday gift. I think she needs an outing more than I do. And that's okay. We'll mask up and see what we see.

Jimmy is making me laugh from work. He keeps sending me selfies that he's wearing his mask at work LOL. Several of the drivers are resistant to the mandate. It's a misdemeanor offense to be in Madison county without your mask on. Well if they get a citation it goes down in their work record. If the driver ever quits or is laid off, the offense could be enough to prevent him from eligibility of re-hire/call back.

Old Navy sent me a product review. I ordered Brenna masks from there back in June. They shipped June 28th but have been lost since June 29th. And I have no estimated date of delivery. I've sat on hold more than once trying to find out what to do about the shipment. Well, they asked about how I liked the product, so I gave a 1-star review and told them I'd love to give a 5 star but I'd have to get the masks first. Let's see if they decide to follow up on the review...

And Gypsy is running circles around the sofa...



"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
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7/8/20 12:30 A

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Called case manager that depression was getting worse. She tired to get me into a residential place called Brookside, but they felt I was not bad enough to be eligible. Part of that is probably that they must have lost about half their capacity due to covid.

She is trying to get me into an intensive out patent program that would be done online. I did mention my diagnoses and often providers get nervous if you have unusual ones, and several ones at that, so I might not get in.

Did call my parents and they understood and said they were sorry they couldn't help me much from there, but not to worry about money. As soon as I hear about that intensive outpatient program I'm going to let them know.

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7/8/20 12:23 A

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Alex, I'm so sorry about getting triggered at the dentist. I had a similar experience once when I was late for my crown appt and the tech shoved something in my mouth without warning, and it felt like part was going to trickle down my throat. I didn't get nauseous, but went into a semi-dissociative state. That was one of the two times I dissociated as an adult. I regularly did it as a child. So yeah, I get it, and empathize.
emoticon
Eva, very cool about getting a new bed for Gypsy at a good price, and slowly shifting the getting around times for you and Brenna. I haven't been Sparking early enough, then I get tired, and don't want to stay up late. Yesterday I had that weird energy crash midday; managed to to get through the work day--wasn't sure I would. I took my first call for this separate program that we had a tiny bit of training for (helping callers reset their My Chart password), and couldn't find the shortcut the trainer told us about and demonstrated once, but didn't include in the job aid he sent out. I had to sent an urgent IM to the crew asking how to get in (after taking the name and number of my caller down so I could call him back). A kind coworker tried to answer, so I called her directly, and she talked me through a way I hadn't seen at all, but actually makes sense. I made sure to jot notes so I won't forget, and I called the patient back and got him taken care of. It was kind of nerve wracking, and I hate not being properly trained. As the Monday after a long weekend, yesterday was really busy too--another reason my energy evaperated.

Today was less stressful, and I was able to get a few things done. Both days I put in 3 timer sessions after work, which I felt proud of last night, since even though I was really tired, I fulfilled my commitment to myself to chip away on my "Pele project." I may be finishing Skin Game tonight--I'm at the exciting climax of the story!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

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7/7/20 6:45 A

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Alex, I can see how the dentist's visit would trigger you. With all that's been going on anyway, it's very understandable. I hope your chiropractor's visit goes well today and you get some pain relief. You really need it.

I see about Tom. He's a catch 22. I swear the mental health system is a wreck. I'll be glad when we finally get an administration that realizes mental health is part of health care. Period.

Here is a link to the website for the fabulous, but you have to use it as an app on a phone or a tablet.

www.thefabulous.co/

you start small. Really small. Your first habit is drinking water in the mornings. The next is eating a healthy breakfast. It's not difficult but it gets you on a path. There is a pay option, but I just keep to the free version, kind of like here on spark. They also have a blog, but it's about making a more relaxed and productive workplace for the most part.

Amanda, I hope you are feeling okay. Not catching a summer cold or anything are you? thank you for your Jessica Smith option. I added it to my Youtube playlist for "Under the weather."

Brenna and I got the house cleaned yesterday. I tried to use my favorite Yoga DVD. The player acted up. So I had to reset it. I did get to do my Yoga. I'm going to do the 15-minute program on that disc this morning before getting on the mower. I promised Bug we would play a game this afternoon.



"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

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"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
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7/7/20 12:39 A

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Tired, will catch up tomorrow. Have a great Tuesday, goddesses!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/7/20 12:37 A

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Amanda: Yeah without Kevin I would have been wayyyy worse off. I'm glad you had a nice day, I just reminded Tom of the new book, he says he'll keep an eye out.

Paula: Oh those vegetables is a great thing to do! I love that!

Eva: He has hygiene issues so they won't let him see a therapist unless he has none, which is why he needs a therapist. He does not feel that group therapy helps him any at all, and before he would not be allowed due to the hygiene issues but this covid situation opens up online options, but he still doesn't feel it will help him. And also Kaiser does not give more than 6 times therapy a year, with a month between appointments. It would only bring up lots of bad stuff (Tom comes from a very abusive household and had a very bad position as the eldest, having to call the police and such things), and then not give him support in processing that for a month. Kaiser is the worst insurer where mental health is concerned. The weird thing is they did those things for me, but I had a DID diagnosis and I was actually managing to get a bit better in therapy, it was just that that diagnosis takes years and years of intense therapy. Tom never got a good diagnosis and the hygiene issues just set everything stop. I am going to try to join Providence next year.

Nice that Gypsy got a good bad for her, and I can imagine she was tired after that much. I can just imagine Jim not being sure at your answer *giggle*. What is the Fabulous App? I think you should ask for a week off from work!! Though how Jim and Brenna are going to do that would be interesting :)

I slept late, lots of pain in my arms. Had trouble trying to do myofascial pain release on them, it's very difficult of it's at shoulders or neck with ny 'knobble' (I think I put a picture up of it before). Got up around 12, we went to get gas, unhealthy but delicious lunch, put our deposit bottles in the bottledrop, and then went to Kaiser so I could get my blood tests and my depot shot. Then after we were back, an hour later I had to go to the dentist. THe dentist was going to make impressions of my teeth to have the lab make me a nightguard. They had two trays full of yellow gunk, and the bottom one went fine. BUt the top one has stuff running off the back right down my throat and I started throwing up. It triggered some stuff from the past, and the assistant had no idea what to do. it took her like 30 secs after I had started heaving to get the garbage bin, and more time to get me napkins and some water. I was clawing the stuff out of my mouth and it was everywhere, on the chair, my clothes, the floor.. It took me quite a bit to calm down. Then she did it with another material, she said 'we have to be quick' but it was not a problem (or not as much of a problem) this time. so we got the imprints done, but I'm really very triggered right now and keep wanting to heave. I used to have this in the past but I haven't been this triggered for about a year after I went to live with Tom. Shows me what huuuuge improvements I made. I am hoping I can still sleep ok, the pain is not good because the triggering left me completely tensed up, but I'm going to the chiropractor tomorrow, that will help.

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7/6/20 6:48 A

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Amanda, I'm glad you had a nice quiet Sunday. A book snuggle sounds wonderful.

Alex, I'm so sorry. And you are right to be upset. You manage the house and you work. That's not to mention your personal health issues. It's important Tom learns. Why won't the insurance give him a therapist?

Paula, as I mentioned on the wall, my neighbor did this with onions. I think it's very cool! I hope you don't mind but I'm going to repost your post, with credit of course, to a gardening thread. I think we might need one. We have another goddess that is a "bee charmer." She keeps hives. She might share her tips with us too.

We had a lazy-ish Sunday. We took Gypsy to Rural King and got the baby a bed she will grow into. They had one for $15 instead of ordering one for $50+. She enjoyed her ride, but after the fireworks and the car ride, she was worn out. Jim was her handler in Rule King and he commented on how strong she is and asked "How do you manage her?" I said, "I worked with her while she wasn't so strong. She knows me as her boss and so she listens. You on the other hand are her buddy." I don't think he knew how to take that.

I'm up at 5 am, got my shower then a large glass of water. Now I'm having my coffee. I get Brenna up at 6:45 this morning. The regaining of a routine is coming along. It's slow, but it's coming. I restarted the Fabulous App. I've done it many times but never when I'm this far off track with my routines.

Jim keeps asking me what I want for my birthday. I have no idea what I want. I don't really want anything at the moment. Is it strange to just be content with what you have? I should tell him "a week off from work." LOL



"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find me on instagram @whatever_mrs_eva
~~~~~Co-leader of~~~~~
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7/6/20 4:20 A

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I added this to the Wall as well as I had idea where to put it.


www.apieceofrainbow.com/vegge
tables-he
rbs-regrow-kitchen-scraps/


We all throw out the ends of vegetables even if we add them to the compost bin. This is another way to use up the scraps we throw out. It would be a fun project for the children as well as for us.
It does not have to take up a lot of space as you can select one or two to try on a windowsill.
We recycle things and upcycle stuff as well so why not re-grow things.


*´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨) Creative_Spirit aka Paula¸.·*¨)

You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. ~Maya Angelou








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7/6/20 1:08 A

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Alex, I sorry so much falls on you, and I can understand you snapping, especially with everything else going on. I'm just thankful Kevin is there helping out.

I had a lovely nap. Hennaed my hair finally. Did a nice long cardio HIIT by Amy which had me really sweaty! Managed a couple of timer sessions, and enjoying Jim Butcher's Skin Game, the 15th Harry Dresden novel--much of which I'm not remembering at all, which is pretty fun. A whole lot of emotional stuff going on, along with the magic and mayhem, which is satisfying.


Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/5/20 11:54 P

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Amanda: glad you were able to get some progress over Sunday. I have read about half of the Dresden books, Tom is a bigger fan, I'll have to remind him it will be coming on.

Paula: Retreating sounds familiar, I'm glad you've been able to come up yet a bit again. Moon Wise sounds like an interesting book.

Eva: Glad your July 4 food was such a success! can't say that for us with our failed BBQ. Sorry Gypsy was so tired, and so tired of the fireworks. Emily didn't really blink or get startled at any of the fireworks, she just blinked while I was getting triggered by PTSD every loud bang. On NextDoor I read that neighbors said it was muuuch longer into the night than on a normal year, and a whole lot more illegal very heavy fireworks than normal as well.

Slept in a loooong time today, once I could sleep at around 3 AM. Didn't even quite get 8 hours. Was in a lot of pain most of the day, not only from the tension of the fireworks and the hard work to get everything set up for what turned out to be a failed BBQ because we couldn't get the coals to fire. I had bought firestarter but it was not good for with food. For next time I'm buying a chimney and Tom suggested some coals that were improved with fire starter fluid that was safe with food. We'll have to see.

Today I wasn't able to do much, I did a tiny, tiny bit of cleaning up, and we cooked the chicken drumsticks that I had gotten for the barbeque and microwaved the corn. DIdn't much other stuff, except watch some 'Dark Crystal Age of Rebellion', I'm the only person of our 3 that likes it, so I watch it myself. Was depressed for a good time of the day, and got into a sort of fight with Tom because I have to do so much for him, and he had forgotten to make a payment that was the only financial thing he was responsible for, and now I have to take that over too, because he went to pieces when I told him he should pay the overdraft fee. He wants me to let him pay it off with 10 bucks a month. And that's just more work for me. And I'd rather just take 5 mins per month to do it than have to deal with him having a meltdown over a missed payment. But every time I try and have him do soemthing to learn how to deal with the 'real world' it ends up being more work for me. He knows how much energy it takes me to do all of it and if I get upset with him about it he goes to pieces how bad he is as a person. Kevin has been helping with taking care of him, but it's still a lot of work for me. I wish I could help him get over his learned helplessness but the insurance won't give him a therapist. Considering getting other insurance next year.

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7/5/20 1:21 P

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Dora just disappeared after it got constant at night. In the evening when it was occasional, I opened a new can of her favorite wet food, but she didn't eat until after I went to bed. Fear took away her appetite, or she didn't feel safe enough to eat.

I did my early shopping run, got all the cold food put away, but I can tell my energy is low. The noise had me on edge, and I think I need to do more recuperating and recharging today--so I may not be as productive as I would wish. In fact, I may have breakfast and then a nap, and exercise after I get up!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/5/20 6:59 A

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Alex, I hope today finds you feeling just a little better. Thank you for giving us an update.

Amanda, I hope you got some rest! I know you have to be tired if it boomed all night like it did here.

Paula, I think we all retreat from time to time.
You've made me miss my clothes line.

Everyone enjoyed the food. My neighbor Mr. Charlie came down! I was happy to see him. Everyone had lunch for today. Poor Gypsy was worn out from all the smells. She missed all but 1 of her naps.

But the fireworks from across the highway frightened her. We made a good call. She snuggled into me all night long. I'm definitely getting her a thundershirt. Fireworks never bothered Ariel.



"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find me on instagram @whatever_mrs_eva
~~~~~Co-leader of~~~~~
A Gathering of Goddesses and Meditation and Mindfulness





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7/5/20 5:45 A

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Slowly getting things together again. Sometimes stuff just goes out the window. Things get me down every so often and I retreat, after a while I get back to what I need to do.
Today I am getting back to doing stuff again and making headway.

I am reading Traitor of Treasure Island, it is quite good and has all the characters I know from the original book. Not entirely sure how this is going to work out but so far it is enjoyable.

I am also reading Moon Wise: How to find peace and power with the cycle of the moon. This is very good and I am learning a lot from it. It is a short book 120 pages in total but it packs in a lot of information.

Today is sunny and windy so good for drying, my laundry is out on the line and will dry nicely in the warm winds.
Must get on with things as we are having an early dinner.

*´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨) Creative_Spirit aka Paula¸.·*¨)

You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. ~Maya Angelou








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7/4/20 11:42 P

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Hope you have good earplugs and can sleep well, Alex. I've got the balcony door and bedroom window closed to block some of the noise.

Glad you enjoyed the emoticon show last night, Eva--and yes, saving $300 sounds emoticon Hope everyone enjoys the food! emoticon

I got started on my new "landscape changing" project, focusing on the boxes and stacks of stuff on top of the storage units between the living and dining room areas. I set a 10-minute timer for this project, and used the 5-minute one for other tasks. Put in over an hour, in addition to a couple of workouts. Made some progress, much to do, but eager to continue.

I've been reading some Harry Dresden, decided to just reread the last two books in the series before novel #16, the first in *6 YEARS* comes out on 7/14. I think I'll finish Cold Days tonight. The increasing noise is really distracting. Looking forward to some peace and quiet tomorrow!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/4/20 11:20 P

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Again just a short blurb, I am exhausted and in a lot of pain. The fireworks are triggering my PTSD very badly. We tried to do a barbeque but the coals wouldn't light on fire. We had a pouch of food safe firestarter but it didn't work and paper didn't work either. We gave up and broiled the food in the oven. I hope I can sleep tongiht.

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7/4/20 7:06 A

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Alex, I'm glad you are well. Thank you for putting yourself first.

Amanda, wow you were a busy woman yesterday!

We made it to Jackson. We got pocket hand sanitizer at Bath and Bodyworks for school. We did some dog bed shopping. I think we are going to rural king tomorrow. Gypsy has completely outgrown her "puppy bed" and bed #2 is close. She's such a big girl. And think she's a lap dog.

Last night we went to the park for fireworks. We were able to stay 6 ft apart (closer to 10) so we didn't have to wear our masks. The show was wonderful. Brenna asked if we can go back next year instead of buying our own. Can I save $300? Yes. Yes I can.

Speaking of which, Madison county (Jackson) is now under a mask mandate. Governor Lee made an order so any mayor can issue a mandate for masks. And that's fine by me. But boy the selfish people came out on Facebook. It's fine if you don't want to wear your mask and you accept the penalty but you don't have to be rude to the rest of us that wear ours for safety.

I told my mother these are the people that say "We don't have a gun problem we have a heart problem." (For the record I always reply it's more of a mental health problem and get wide eyes stares.) Well this isn't a mask problem it's a heart problem, according to their standards, because that little mask isn't bothering anyone else while it's on my face. I should start telling people to pretend it's freaking Halloween and they are dressed up like Micheal Jackson...

Jim will be cooking most of today. His sister, Rhonda, may stop by for a to go plate after I told her what he's cooking. She said it sounded better than fried chicken. He's doing "Mississippi Prime Rib" (BBQ Bologna) hamburgers, hot dogs, and a small pork butt. The pork butt is for me. It's WAY to much food.



"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find me on instagram @whatever_mrs_eva
~~~~~Co-leader of~~~~~
A Gathering of Goddesses and Meditation and Mindfulness





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7/4/20 1:17 A

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emoticon for checking in, Alex, and emoticon on the good day and taking care of yourself by not writing much. We got the important message!
emoticon
Eva, actually Gypsy looks quite comfortable on her pillow. Did she outgrow a small bed? Hope you had a productive and safe shopping trip.
emoticon
I decided to hit Costco early since my last weekday trip was late enough to run into long lines to check out. I got there right after 8:30 only to discover they no longer open at 8 like I had on my store hours document (which I had checked), but at 10 to the general public and 9 for seniors. So I promptly drove over to the post office which I had looked up online to see if opened at 8:30. No line, and I mailed my taxes, paying enough to get a tracking number, plus I picked up some pretty stamps. I don't send a lot of mail, but I enjoy fun stamps, including the new Love design. When I got back to Costc0, the line was snaking inside, so I joined it, letting a lady with her cart in front of me from an incoming parking aisle. She thanked me, and I told her about my earlier booboo with have the out-of-date store hours, which made her laugh. I only got a few things--4-pack of salad, cocktail cucumbers, tomatoes, bell peppers in red/orange/yellow, and the thing I haven't found elsewhere that I really wanted--guacamole singles--just enough to add to my Santa Fe salads to pad the small amount of chicken and cheese & make it a real entree (with red cabbage, shredded carrots, Cuban black beans, cukes and tomatoes, too--of course!)

Did two favorite longer Amy workouts, 1 in the morning, the other before dinner. Napped, talked to Meg (from 6-Pack, the recent retiree) & then sister, discussing our possible Half-Pack with not all the Packers able to willing to meet this year. Did a few fun timer sessions, and then did the major litter box cleaning, switching litter pans, removing the pad underneath, washing the floor and walls, scrubbing everything, setting up the alternate pan and leaving pieces out on the balcony to dry after scrubbing down in the tub--which then also needs to be scrubbed. Quite the production after months of use!

Now I get 2 whole days to do all my regular weekend tasks done. And yes, I'm also relaxing.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/3/20 11:41 P

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Had a relatively good day but no energy for writing, just wanted to let you know not to worry about me :)

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7/3/20 6:50 A

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Amanda, wow what a lot of printing! I'm glad that the supervisors are so open to your questions and I'm glad you're not afraid to ask. I'm pretty sure others have similar questions but just don't speak up. It's good they have someone putting those needs forward.

I'm glad Pele's thread gave you a new way to look at your organization. She's a goddess I love but don't talk about much.

Alex, I hope your doing okay today. I'm sorry your group triggered you. I don't know if it helps, but my group therapist (The Good Witch) Glenda, use to tell us to meet the tension or emotion to know it for what it is. Then "put it to work" so you aren't paralyzed. How you "made it work" so you had control over the situation was up to you. It's not one size fits all. I hope your case worker keeping in touch helps and your action plan is strong. I hope you have the support at home to put your plan into action. I think you do.

We haven't had many fireworks set off here. That's probably because of all the rain. But I'm sure it will begin tonight. We plan to go to the park for the drive-in fireworks being held. I bet we end up parked at the high school or middle school.

I'm masking up to go to Jackson this afternoon. We need the pet store. Poor Gypsy needs a new bed. This is pitiful.



Tomorrow we will cook out with my parents and maybe Mr. Charlie. Jim's mother is going to his uncle's house. To me that's risky since many of them work at the hospital and there will be probably 30 people there.



Edited by: MRS_EVA_K at: 7/3/2020 (08:04)
"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find me on instagram @whatever_mrs_eva
~~~~~Co-leader of~~~~~
A Gathering of Goddesses and Meditation and Mindfulness





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7/3/20 1:04 A

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Eva: Your grandfather is awesome for giving Mr Willie a job and a place to stay. That is amazing, especially at that time. Getting your morning routine back sounds like a very good goal (almost wrote foal). People here are also so selfish, you give them a hand and they take an arm. Since we re-opened a bit (only phase 1!) we have had 4 to 5 times the amount of cases before phase 1 per day, and today it was twice the amount of that 4 or 5 times, so 8 to 10 times compared to before phase 1! Oregon is full of second amenders who refuse to wear masks and get very rude with you if you wear one. Now the governor has required masks for everyone but there are still people who won't do it. With the cases going -this far up- doubling in a week (per day) she might have to actually bring some of the at home orders back, if we're not careful. It is not even July 4 yet, imagine what we'll get in 2 weeks :( I hope Gypsy will be all right with the fireworks. They've been going off here for a week already, but it's steadily getting worse and worse. That is part of the problem, the loud noises trigger my PTSD.

Amanda: Thank you for your prayers, those are appreciated. And being able to talk on here and just be able to say 'I was suicidal' instead of having to tiptoe around it like on for example my therapy group is very helpful. I really like your idea of going from a battle to cooperative creativity where organization is concerned. I hope your work day went well.

Last day before having the day off tomorrow. It went somewhat ok until group therapy at 11.30. I got really badly triggered, he was talking about several emotions and when you should embrace them and act on them and when you should do the opposite of what you feel. For example if you're angry for a good reason it's a good idea to embrace it and be assertive (not agressive) to the person who made you angry, but if you're dealing with depression, it is muuuch better to not embrace it and instead doing the opposite of what you want and do something active, even if it is a tiny thing. He was talking about disgust and just the way he framed things triggered me a whole lot. I was doing deep breathing the entire last half hour of the class just to be able to stay in the meeting. I had tensed up so much the pain multiplied itself a lot.

Then I had an phone appointment with the case manager, who helped me set up a safety plan. We worked one out together, and she gave me an overview of what help I could get, and we're going to be in contact every week for now. That was not as triggery but I was still in a lot of pain and really triggered and I needed to take sick leave (again) for the last few hours. At least I don't work again until Tuesday. There are a lot of fireworks being shot right now, and it will be the worst on Saturday and Sunday night, then take a week or two to slowly go away again. It's triggering my PTSD and that also makes me all tense. A good thing, we watched the Lego movie to distract me and it was an amazing movie, very funny and thoughtful and with very good CGI. Tomorrow I can sleep in.

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Alex, ditto on what Eva said! emoticon I ran over to your page and sent you a goodie. I wish I knew how to help, but know I'm praying for you and wishing you well.

Eva, thanks for sharing your family history about your grandpa and Mr. Willie. That was emoticon . And a huge emoticon for what you wrote about Pele in the July goddess thread. This is part of what I posted over there: But what really hit me in what you wrote was the line "Change your landscape, just she did, and create a place of beauty." Those first 3 words, "Change your landscape" struck such a chord with me--I had a strong physical reaction. That may become a new mantra for me. Just yesterday in my journaling I was musing about wanting to shift my perception or framing of my organizing work away from an adversarial one of battling against an enemy (clutter or bad habits) to something more cooperative or creative. This may be the key. So emoticon

Back to work. I need to read up on all the My Chart materials we had a training on last week. Then this afternoon we have a meeting for Dental; I think they are getting ready to add another dental clinic to the trial for us scheduling for them again, with a restricted schedule.

Yesterday I printed out the My Chart training materials we were sent last week--about 40 pages in all, including a bunch of screen shots. (Glad I picked up ink cartridges at Costco last time!) I printed in groups--greyscale for plain text instructions, color for the screen shots. I reviewed the longest PowerPoint and emailed a couple of questions. I planned to send more, but never got back to it, due to calls and another Skype meeting/training reviewing the schedule at the second clinic we are going to be scheduling for. A couple times Marvin, the supervisor presenting the materials, told me I had asked a good question. Always nice to hear!
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I did a little prep during the day, so I was able to leave pretty soon after my shift to drive over to the Burien Library to return my materials--8 books and 1 DVD I had since Feb-March. My first time there. Couldn't get into the parking lot where I thought the driveway was, but found a spot in front of the building. Then I had to keep walking around the building, looking for the book deposit slot. I finally asked a lady waiting at a door if she knew where it was, and she pointed out 2 big arrows on the sidewalk with blue electrical tape that I hadn't seen yet. So I got those returned which felt good. They weren't bothering me, waiting in their little cubby, but it was a relief to get that done all the same.

I swung by the Trader Joe's just a few blocks from the library (and found where to enter the library parking lot on the way), but there was a line to get in, and I decided to wait for my regular shopping trip. Planned to do one of her newer ones, but an old 30 minute ST workout of Amy's showed up on YouTube, so I tried it, and it was OK.

I moved a decorative bamboo plant into the bedroom on the bedside table. It's dim in there, but the plant is no longer hiding behind the work monitor, so I'll keep it watered better--easier to reach now. I've wished clients and coworkers a nice holiday weekend, and I'm looking forward to enjoying mine!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 7/3/2020 (00:51)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/2/20 7:11 A

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Amanda, I'm so sorry. I know how it is to have a day where the work outside your door is a "painful" experience. Hopefully, they are done.

I've never done one of Amy's yoga videos. I'll have to at least watch the one that popped up yesterday. I often find that if I like an instructor for ST or Cardio, they aren't my cup of tea for yoga.

Alex, please take care of yourself. I'm glad you've called your therapist and you set things into motion. I'm glad you have people supporting you to help facilitate your mental and physical care. I hope your new action plan works. Please let us know how you are today.

I'm a strange one for remembering, I guess. I don't live in the past but I like to "re-visit" those lessons that my elders taught me. For the grandparents' birthdays mother and I have a meal and talk about them. Silly stories and stuff. Like my grandfather refusing to eat a pizza that didn't have "the little fish" on it. And my grandmother's love for red and how upset she was I didn't take her to get a tattoo at 75. I think it's important to celebrate ancestors that had a good and long-lasting influence on your life. Particularly my grandfather, who was born in 1904, showed us what anti-racism looked like. He was deacon and head of the church hiring committee. He hired a homeless black man, Mr. Willie, to be the groundskeeper of an all-white church and set up one of the unused classrooms as quarters for him, stocked the fridge and pantry for him from our own pantry until he got paid, and told him it was because the church needed a security guard as well as a groundskeeper. We didn't need a guard it was just my grandpa's excuse to make sure he had a safe place to sleep. Mr. Willie spent every holiday meal with us after that. He became family. He was my grandpa's best friend until my grandpa passed. He worked for the church until he had to go into a nursing home after a stroke. That was well after my grandpa passed. I'll have to share my grandmother's funeral some other time. Needless to say, we have a reputation for setting churches on their ear. Anyway, that's the kind of thing we remember. And it's also the stories that let Brenna know why her family doesn't look at things exactly like others around here.

I set up my July goals. I shared them in the challenge thread. And on the team #goalfeats board. My goal for July is simple. Re-establish my morning routine. That's rising, stretching for 1 minute, grabbing my shower, and coming in here for my coffee. It's been non-existent since Mid-March. I need this to get me back to "school ready" even if they delay the start of school.

People are losing their minds. The TSSAA has suspended contact in practices until September 1st and all games are suspended. The parents want a coronavirus waiver in place of just suspending games. (insert eye-roll here) Dear goddess, these people just don't get it. Or don't want to get it. If this virus has shown me nothing else, it's taught me just how selfish some of my "parent friends" really are.

Poor Gypsy. We had thunderstorms last night. She had to potty between downpours. A clap of thunder hit while she was outside. She stayed cuddled next to me all night it scared her so bad. She was up in my lap like a frightened child.


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7/2/20 12:39 A

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Eva: Wow it sounds like you have a lot would-have-been anniversaries this month!

Amanda: I'm so sorry that noise was so difficult to bear. I khnow how that goes. I'm dreading the fireworks :( I'm so sorry that the workout was not a good fit. I am sorry you had so little energy to make something of the rest of the night.

I was in so much pain it has been making me suicidal. I wrote about that to my psychiatrist because it was getting so strong I was unsure if I could stay safe, and a whole lot of stuff and support was set in motion. The safety plan always was that if it got too dangerous Tom would help me get admitted again, but they like to try and prevent having to go that far. They're going to look for meds that are not dangerous like opioids and that I can have even when I've maxed out all the allowable NSAID meds (in my case Naproxen and Tylenol). They're going to set me up with more therapy, and I get a call from case management tomorrow. The pain clinic people were supposed to have signed me up for the pain management class 4 weeks ago when I signed up and had not put me on the actual list, despite sending me the book. But now at least I'm on hte list, and for a time that does not interfere with work. I am also getting more anti-depressants.

Yesterday I was not able to work the last 2 hours because of this, and Monday didn't go that well either, especially after my chiropractor appointment, I had not marked on the paper that my hips hurted much, because the other pain was more intense, but he pushed on a very sore spot trying to get a feel of how tight my muscles were on my lower back and I cried out in pain. It was a very sudden and very shooting pain. So he'll be looking at that next time, he was very careful Monday because there was no massage therapy and he says without massage therapy with chiropractic it is not as safe to do intense adjustments.

Tomorrow I try to work the whole day except I have the anxiety group meeting for my lunch (instead of napping, not looking forward to that) and then at 1.15 PM I talk to the case manager. Friday is the day we get off for Independence day. And I am dreading all the fireworks this weekend. I am taking Monday off as well, I got a day of sickleave, a day of vacation, and 3 days of 'governor's personal business leave' today. The personal business leave is for the whole year, but I need it this month the most, I think, with all this happening.

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7/1/20 8:06 P

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Eva, I can't believe you know all those "would have been" numbers!

I had hoped to drive over to the Burien library after work to drop off a bunch of materials I've had since March, but I have such a headache, and I'm exhausted. I don't know what they were doing for SO long outside the window, that was SO loud--maybe trimming the ivy on the floor below mine, then "sweeping" it all up--but that loud, high-pitched motor noise went on and on and on! I had to close the window and balcony door to try to block the sound some, but I couldn't put in earplugs which would keep me from hearing my work phone ring. Didn't impact calls too much, but it sure kept me on edge for long minutes at a time, then a break, then it would start again.

Loud noises of a certain pitch or frequency had always bothered me, affecting my mood and my ability to think. I really hate it. I felt like screaming at them to please stop, but I knew it was just workmen doing their jobs. I just wish their jobs weren't so aggravatingly LOUD!
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Another bummer tonight! emoticon I calmed down with some snacking--not the best choice, but not extreme, and watched the end of Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle. I finished the last Others novel at lunch, so didn't have any fun reading in progress. Loved the movie, glad my smart TV or the DVD had kept its place and the English subtitles going. I like doing a longer workout after work, and had thought of trying my new Lilias DVD, but had seen that Amy had a brand new long yoga workout--something she doesn't do often. So I gave it a try. Not the right thing for me tonight. A little too challenging, especially when I had to keep shifting out of poses to look at the screen, more floor work than I wanted, and not quite enough room to do everything comfortably, or to flow from one pose to the next. Although I stayed with the most basic modifications, some of my joints didn't like parts of the routine. I considered quitting, but stuck it out--with my eyes leaking by the end: a combination of frustration and discomfort, though not real pain.
emoticon
I hadn't been sure what I'd try to do tonight, but this clinched it. I'm popping in the Jumanji: The Next Level DVD, taking a break to make my dinner salad after a bit, and pretty much blowing the night off. Sigh.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 7/1/2020 (22:04)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/1/20 7:40 A

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Happy July 1st!

Amanda, congratulations on recovering your OO!! And congratulations to your friend on her retirement!

We've had Netflix for years. I watch more original content there than on any other platform. They have a lot of docuseries I've enjoyed. "When they See Us", about the central park 5, broke my heart to pieces. Hulu is a close second and you can get that bundled with Dinsey+ where you can access the Disney archive. Brenna likes Disney+ where we prefer Netflix. The 3 combined keeps me not missing my $150+ per month cable bill at all.

The goddess of the month is up. I sent out the first newsletter since March. I'm feeling accomplished this morning and it's just now 6:30. Now I need to decide how to approach this month's goal-related challenge.

It's raining here today so it's going to be a lazy(ish) day. I can't work in my garden if there's lightning. Brenna and I will be planning out Hamilton Party (Yay! for Disney+ ) for Friday. Mind you this "party" is just the 3 of us.

If my parents hadn't divorced this would be their 42nd wedding anniversary. I turn 40 in 24 days (July 25th but I was suppose to be born June 26th. I think that's why I have Cancer like qualities). My granny would have been 97 on the 15th and my grandparent's 78th wedding anniversary would have been the 24th. We were a busy bunch in July!



"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

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6/30/20 7:18 P

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Eva, I have some favorite retired scents at BBW, too. Unfortunately they don't bring the Pink Grapefruit back anymore, but in Jan & July, I can buy White Tea and Ginger and Mango Mandarin (or maybe it's the other way). I know Madam CJ Walker by name, but no details. I'll be interested to check out the website, and I flirt with joining Netflix, just haven't researched or done it yet.

Alex, how are you doing?

I think we had a full crew today, so calls were lighter with more of us answering. Fewer new registrations & interpreters, no unlinked records to report. So I had time and energy between calls to get some sorting done, to clear off the couch, thus recovering that OO (Oasis of Order), plus I added pages for the next 6 months in my Spending Excel workbook. I'm so happy I figured out how to copy formatting as well as text/cell content. It's so much faster now!

I also sent an email to my friend whose last day of work (after 40 years with one company) was today. She got the card in time-- emoticon (That's a major accomplishment for me!) And I sent an extra team goodie to a couple of my co-leaders in thanks for all they do.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 7/1/2020 (00:01)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/30/20 6:46 A

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Alex, I hope you are feeling better today.

Amanda, I hope they get the call tree fixed so people know what option to choose how frustrating for both of you!

A thundershirt helps calm cats and dogs down when they have a fear of thunderstorms. They also happen to help with fireworks. But at $50 each, I'm going to wait until Gypsy is full-grown to buy her one. thundershirt.com/

I didn't sleep well last night. Pandora "knocked" on Brenna's playroom door half the night. Then, someone, I think probably Butters, knocked my little George Foreman off the counter. It was DOA. But the crash scared me. It got the whole darn house up. I'm glad I don't use the little one often. Then there are the hot flashes. Ughhh!

Bug and I finished the housework yesterday and took a 45-minute walk. We made plans to grocery shop a day early. Her Bath and Bodywork order came in. She's in love with the Wild Honeysuckle. Too bad it's a retired scent! Or maybe that makes it special.

I finished watching "Madame CJ Walker" on Netflix. If it comes to DVD watch it. It's inspiring. She was the first self-made female millionaire in the US. And she did it in the 1920s and 1930s. The descendants of her adopted daughter (she also had a biological daughter) still runs her company. madamcjwalker.com/

"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

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6/30/20 12:19 A

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Not a good evening, will write tomorrow.

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6/29/20 7:02 P

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Alex, I've done a few of the shoulder (mainly rotator cuff, though she has all kinds) stretches and exercises by Doctor Jo on YouTube. I like them, and the elbow ones (like using a hammer to help you stretch).

Eva, what's a thunder shirt? The cats have always hated 7/4 fireworks. Mary and I will likely get together sometime on the long weekend, but not sure when. I've never done any particular celebrating on that holiday.

Busy phone day, I've finally gotten a tiny break. I posted on the exercise and product recommendation threads, but not the chat yesterday. I was so happy the weather cooled over the weekend enough to the point where I put on long pants instead of my shorts!

I was so tired by the end of the day. 2 people out, and Mondays are often a busy call day. Registered 5 new clients in Epic, several babies who were also registered in the WIC system. And while some weeks may only have one or 2 unlinked Infolinx records to report, I had 4 today. Then there were 5 or more calls for COVID testing. I've learned to ask where they are calling. Almost every time it's one clinic where the phone tree doesn't make it clear which option to choose. I tell people "choose option 1" and transfer them back out to the clinic number. But it's not clear they have to pick the primary care option which belongs to a partner medical group, whereas the option for making an appt is only for WIC which gets them to us. After 2 of those back to back, I emailed the WIC group at that clinic asking if they could tell somebody on the other side of the building that their phone menu is not at all clear to callers, and a lot of time is being wasted, because they need to specifically mention COVID 19 testing! I got lots of replies totally agreeing with me from others who field a lot of those calls as well.

By the end of the day I was mentally exhausted, and read for an hour to calm down. Then I did a great standing low impact legs workout by Amy. I always remember I like it, but I always forget just how much it makes those muscles burn--but in a good, not painful, way! I want to do a little cleaning tonight, but really want to make an early night of it, since my energy is pretty low. Hope everyone has a great Tuesday!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 6/29/2020 (21:56)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/29/20 6:31 A

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Alex, hopefully, the chiropractor can help you. Do you have any shoulder stretches you do? Or are you waiting for pain management to assign some? It's a silly thing, but sometimes giving yourself a hug is an excellent way to relax those shoulder muscles.

It's a short week! Brenna and I are cleaning the house this morning. She gets up at 7 am today. I got up at 5, much to Gypsy's annoyance. She wanted to snuggle back in LOL

The sand storm has vacated the area for the most part. My sinuses have yet to understand that. I'm still a little stuffy this morning.

Do you have any 4th of July plans? We are going to grill and watch Hamilton on Disney+. It releases Friday. If you don't have Disney+ you might try the free trial just to get to watch Hamilton. Unless it's not your thing, that is. We're thinking of going to the drive-in style fireworks at Community Park if it doesn't rain. I didn't buy fireworks this year. Maybe next year and get Gypsy a thunder shirt to help keep her calm.





"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

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"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
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6/28/20 11:13 P

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Paula: Yeah I've been worried too that people are acting like it's all fine now. I think they don't care anymore about the risk, I read an article explaining that people will claim a pandemic is over not only when there is a vaccine or medication but also when they're just tired of the work of keeping as safe as possible. I'm glad you got good information what your husband can do, though yes, if it only came now, that is quite late. Glad that your garden is looking so well!

Amanda: I am so sorry about the IRS! I am glad that OR has enough people to answer the phones, so that the wait is not that crazy. I understand why the IRS wants to verify people's identity with credit information but it makes people like you unable to use their services :( Sounds like you had all your plans for the Sunday work out I hope you can use the library in a place that works.

Eva: I am so glad Taryn has a friend in Brenna, that is great! I am so sorry that the dust storm is so bad! And yeah that niece is a bit spoiled!

Felt really bad Saturday night and didn't manage to write, and when I ended up in bed I was unable to sleep until 6 AM. 6 hours of not being able to sleep.. That was so frustrating.. So I did almost nothing today, basically only filling up the pill boxes. We watched tv almost all the day. We watched the first episode of the Dark Crystal Age of Rebellion, I loved it but it's not something either of the guys enjoys, so I'll be watching it for myself. TOmorrow I work again, hope I sleep better now that I'm going to be in bed at 8.30 and get up at 6.30 instead of midnight. TOmorrow at 4 PM I have a new appointment with the chiropractor, my shoulder pretty much pulled back to where they were :( I am trying to learn to sit up taller.

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6/28/20 7:31 A

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Paula, it is always a great feeling to find out that we are more capable than we had considered. Good for you!

We have almost gone back to our starting place in the pandemic. It's sad.

Amanda, hopefully, you can get your library items returned soon and maybe get your stuff picked up that you had reserved.

It's quiet this morning. Brenna has a friend over. The first I've allowed outside the family. Taryn is a sweet girl but is painfully shy. They met in 5th grade. Brenna's 5th grade social studies teacher made it a point to tell me Brenna went out of her way to include Taryn and it made her (the teacher) happy. Last night was all giggles. It's nice to hear giggles.

Today is hopefully the last day of the Saharan dust. It can GO! My sinuses are a mess. A mask for dust in my yard might have helped some but obviously not enough. Looks like it's a flonase kind of day.

Dropped the niece a card. The 18-year-old niece said, "You know your old when all you get is cards with money." There is no pleasing her. I told her, "When you're turning 40 you'll be happy just to get the empty card."
That got me some looks.


"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
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6/27/20 6:28 P

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Paula, how nice that you have discovered new strengths, and that you are coping well.
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Eva, yeah, I'm annoyed at the lack of helpfulness at the IRS, and that you can only use online services if you have a credit card or loan. Maybe I'm more of an oddity than I think, because I don't want to be in debt. I've thought about getting a Costco credit card just to have it. I was so happy that I got a cool card in the mail for Meg, our 6-Pack sister who is retiring 6/30 after 40 years.

Oh, boy! I am so sweaty--despite frequent mopping my face with a hand towel--and my face is so warm, I'm fogging my glasses! emoticon (Think of that as a jumping jack) I just finished Amy's 25 Minute Quiet Cardio Tabata HIIT: Low Impact HIIT. As she says, low impact does not have to mean low intensity.

Did my early grocery run this morning in the rain. After TJ's, I swung by the vision center where I will have my exam in a couple of weeks. I didn't do the prep work last night to have the Burien library address, though I saw they are one of the libraries that began taking returns this week. Each library has a few hours a few days a week, and my closest one in Tukwila doesn't have them on Saturday--only during the week and during my shift. I think Burien may also run until 7 pm on a couple of days. I woke from my nap too late to catch their 10-1 hours on Saturday. So I'll look into finally returning items I've had since March after work. The Burien branch will also begin curbside pick up on July 1. I'll have to see if the items that were in transit to my Tukwila branch can be sent there for pick up.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/27/20 6:51 A

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So the Government has relaxed the Lockdown rules and people have decided it is all over. Masses of people headed to the beaches and flocked together like it was all okay again.
The 2 meter distancing rule is still in place so social distancing is still with us.
I honestly don't get it, this virus is not over, I wish it was but the reality is spikes of the virus keep happening so why don't people heed the warnings?

We got a letter yesterday outlining what people like my husband need to do and basically it is stay at home as much as possible, you can meet up to 6 people outside at one time provided they all social distance.
There is a contact number to help with shopping and transport for appointments. A little late but as they say, better late than never.
I have managed to get what we need by ordering stuff online,so I feel quite pleased with myself.

I have been busy in the garden and it looks tidy again, emoticon me, I did it on my own. I did have someone come round to help but since they are able to do that because of the virus I have done it myself.

I love the weekends and plan to do more journaling and maybe some art stuff. If there is one thing I have learnt from all this it is how I can do far more than I thought I could. I have been pushed outside my comfort zone and not doing too bad.

Edited by: CREATIVE_SPIRIT at: 6/27/2020 (06:54)
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6/27/20 6:29 A

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Amanda, well said!

The IRS situation is crazy. If they won't reissue a pin by mail at this time they should have other documents people can send aside from what is listed. I know much of the staff was furloughed but they should have this figured out by now.

Gypsy is camera shy. She looks away when I lift my phone. Fluff is a ham. He thinks he's majestic. The other 3 depends on the day.

Alex, I hope you are well.

Sahara Dust storms are hard on asthmatics but good for the environment, or so I hear. I'll be glad when it clears the area.

I'm disappointed in Tennessee. We've had a record high report of Covid-19 since the mess began. Why is it that if you give an inch these folks have to take a mile? Just because you can go eat a sandwich in a shop doesn't mean you should be road tripping across the US. And I know people who are doing that very thing. It frustrates me. My bubble is a relatively small raise. Only 4 new infections I am aware of in my county. I guess that's good news. Memphis, Nashville, Chattanooga and Gatlinburg are the state hot spots. All are vacation destinations.

I hope you all have a good weekend. We are dropping the almost 18 year old a birthday card and doing the shopping. Fun times!

"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

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6/26/20 7:44 P

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Alex, emoticon for all the challenges, glad you've gotten some rest. And I think it may be a good thing that you are looking at your thoughts and beliefs around the value of resting, recharging and self-care. Believe me, I understand sometimes being frustrated that I'm not in a different place emotionally or physically or energy-wise. So I try to remember to Breathe and channel my inner goddess to make wise and balanced choices.

Eva, sorry to hear Jim had that moment of panic, which I get, having had cards compromised several times, and a pain every time! Sounds like you are getting a whole lot done. And emoticon for the sweet pix emoticon of your fur babies! Interesting expressions.

I posted this on the gratitude thread, but will use it as an update for Thursday/Friday:

I'm thankful ~

~ I was only without water for a day

~ That the office had an empty apartment we could visit to use the toilet

~ That the office manager checked on me after 6, on her way home and had a maintenance guy check my toilet tank that wasn't filling, to be told I'd need a clogged part replaced today

~ That after 37 minutes on hold with the IRS, I finally talked to a person, only to be told they can't reissue PINS by mail this year, so I have to mail my return which could take months to process, but now I know

~ That I told her my tax person recommended sending my return certified, but she said better not to, since it could take a long time to be signed for; better to just save my PO receipt.

~ To finally have an eye exam appt

I also posted on the usual thread) about the new 35 minutes workout by Amy I tried after work. She only posted it today, and I was the 3rd or fourth person to post a comment on YouTube.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 6/27/2020 (00:16)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/26/20 6:42 A

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Amanda, I hope they get your toilet fixed today. The use of another unit is inconvenient, to say the least, and people working from home, like you, bless them. I'm sure it was a complete distraction. I'm glad you used your day to free up some of your weekend!

Alex, the wise use of time is relative. Don't consider your sleeping time as a waste of time. I've never been diagnosed with chronic fatigue. So I don't know what that's like, but I do know what happens when my battery is down. And chronic fatigue, as I understand it, is like your battery being down round the clock, never fully charging. I wouldn't call "recharging" a waste of time. But I can see how it would make you emotional. Don't forget everyone is different. Our physical and emotional needs are different. Try to think of it as making the most out of what you have to work with on this day. And when you get your pain under control you'll have more to work with than you do right now. And hopefully that is soon.

Well, Jim has had me put the shopping off until in the morning. He says he will go with me bright and early. I scheduled Brenna Auvi-Q's to be delivered today and never thought a thing about it being Friday. More on that in a minute. I also renewed my license on the internet, ordered flea meds for the dog and cats, filled out the school medication paperwork for the autoinjectors to be at school, and made Brenna an eye appointment for July 21st. And I knew I forgot to do something.

I scared Jim with the Auvi-q order. Backstory. Monday he got a call his debit card was compromised. This is the 3rd time this year. Twice at a speedway gas station in Jackson, this time at Humboldt Walmart. His card is canceled, the charges were declined as suspicious. No harm just inconvenient all 3 times. So yesterday I used the health savings card to order the auto-injectors for school. Aspen pharmacy is in Canada. Thanks to tariffs I now pay $25 per set of auto-injectors that use to be free. (Not a big deal. My co-pay for US-made epi-pens is $300 per set. I have to buy 2 sets per year. $50 per year total is a lot less than $600 per year.) To avoid charging US customers a large shipping rate simply because it's from Canada (thank you again Trump) they go through Paypal. And it generates a weird receipt. Well, I had to update the email since it has to be the email of the person who "owns" the card. Jim got the weird email this time. And it scared him. Bless him. He thought he had been hacked again. And he called me. That's when I remembered I was supposed to warn him about the weird receipt.

Gypsy laid down for 30 seconds. That's a 3-foot long tug rope with her. I swear she's never still. I've been up less than an hour and she's been in and out on the deck 4 times already.




Esmerelda decided she wanted a picture too!

Edited by: MRS_EVA_K at: 6/26/2020 (07:18)
"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

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6/26/20 12:59 A

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Eva: I'm not sure if it's anxiety, Tom's had trouble too. Maybe we ate something not good but Kevin didn't have it. I will need to look at those text neck information videos. I read about the dust storm, that I would never have expected. But yeah, I hope people stay safe from both things and wear their masks. I don't' think I can do slimy! Especially not on my face! Wow.. Gypsy is growing so fast!

Amanda: Glad that they have plans for the bathroom.Was that already in use today or for the future? Urgh, tank filling problems and now someone has to go fix it, urgh! I guess more people decided to go to Costco during the week instead in the weekend. Great for having those two things crossed off your list! It sounds like you got a good rest.

I had rest without planning for it. I started work at 7, was feeling horrible by 8.30, and write my new (nice) manager that I was going to be at the unit meeting at 9 until it ended but then after it would leave and come back by the time I normally would start the afternoon. I had anxiety group at 11.30 until 1 and wanted to do that too. So I rested 1.5 hours, then went to do the online group, wanting to get back to work after it. But somehow group therapy hit me so hard I wasn't able to continue working. I was in tears before Tom and Kevin, and Kevin quickly gave us some space though afterwards I told him he doesn't have to leave if he doesn't want to. I still don't really have an idea what set me off, though it was about spending your time, that though you want to do good things with your time, resting and recharging are also good uses of time, and not that 'idle hands are the devil's workshop' or some such puritan nonsense. I think I felt upset about losing so incredibly much time being ill and needing to sleep so much and in so much pain that there is so little time for me left. Since Kevin has been helping out I watch some more tv and stopped always saying 'I should do ...' but now I try to say 'one of us should do...' so I'm not always automatically assuming I have to do it.

So after that I went to rest and I think I slept 4 hours, if not 5. So I guess I was really exhausted too. This evening I've set up the grocery order for Saturday, and hopefully now that I'm going to bed again on the normal time with that 5 hours I will be awake enough to do all my 8 hours of work tomorrow.

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6/25/20 10:43 P

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Alex, glad you only needed to take an hour of leave & got the overdraft dealt with.

Eva, cute photo! I look forward to a Gypsy pic when she lets you get one. I haven't done a face mask in forever.

What a day! With water issues and some loud maintenance tool noise, it was a good day to not be working. We had a notice on the door on Friday or Saturday about how water would be off in our building from 8-6:30 for 3 days--Wed thru Friday! I called Monday to ask about toilets--could we flush with water in a bucket, or what? With 40-48 units in the building, I thought it was a pretty big issue for all those people who are mostly home who would need a toilet several times in 10.5 hours!

Turns out ours is the third building to have this maintenance being done to replace old pipes before a major break, and she also explained today that they are adding shut off valves so they don't have to turn off water to the entire building while working in one section in the future. Also they would have a key to an empty unit available to be checked out, and the bathroom would be sanitized before it could be checked out again.

Yesterday I had water all day, though I had collected in a plastic tub and a few other containers just in case, and to wash hands. But today it was turned off, so I used water in a jar to brush my teeth, and I did use the other unit later in the day, after flushing once with no water refilling at my place. But after I got water back, toilet water was rusty, and tank not filling. Still cold water problems, so that was the last to be turned back on, but now there's a problem with whatever controls the tank filling. I finally had a mostly full tank, which I flushed at 7:00, and I've checked a few times, but it's still filling at 7:30, though it's almost full. A maintenance guy popped in, looked, and said they would need to replace the part that's clogged, which they'll do tomorrow. Oh, joy!

But I went to Costco, so I wouldn't be in a long Saturday line, and was surprised with the long checkout lines! Oh well, one less weekend chore. I found an eye doctor in my network who's close & made an appt for mid-July. I also set up an acct with them and filled out my health profile online, which will save us time. I think there is another form I can fill out early. And I called the cable company which was able to read the error codes I've received and did some refresh. I haven't had an issue since, but that's only been a few hours. I hope it's resolved, since it messes up my ability to quickly access my workouts during breaks.

I also finished my book and had a nap. And so I got rest along with getting some things done. I think I'll feel better at work tomorrow from having taken a break.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/25/20 6:53 A

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Amanda, I would be overwhelmed. And I know from experience distance learning isn't as good as in-person training sessions... I hope it gets better.

My TV does that too. I think it has something to do with an update. Did they tell you how to fix it?

Alex, is your stomach trouble related directly to your anxiety? I hope you feel better!

I asked about the text neck because our local chiropractor has a commercial that addresses it for teens. Amanda's Dr. Jo happens to have a tutorial on it. youtu.be/uK_A3Tuq6UU There's an android app that addresses it too.

I'll update after the vet appointment at 9 with Gypsy's weight and a good picture of her. It's hard to get. She's always on the move!

This weekend I'm more concerned with the dust storm from Africa than viruses. Even if you haven't previously worn a mask it's recommended you do when outside to prevent breathing the dust, especially if you have asthma. It has to do with mold spores... The dust will resemble fog. I don't think it will reach either of you. It's like Mother Nature is telling people, "fool wear a mask or get inside!" and sent a visual threat to make it all feel more immediate.

Yesterday Brenna decided we were doing face masks. It was shiny. It was slimy. It peeled off like Elmer's school glue. But it was fun and I could tell my skin looked a little better.



*edit* Gypsy is up to 25.5 lbs. She's growing like weed!!


Edited by: MRS_EVA_K at: 6/25/2020 (15:06)
"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

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6/24/20 11:50 P

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Eva: yes, text neck sounds right, I've moved my monitor and laptop up by maybe 5 inches last week, and it has helped a little. So that was probably also a (quite large?) factor. Mini golf is fun, I also haven't done it in forever! I've tried to get Tom to go with me but that was not a success (yet). Funny that Gypsy was so confused about turtles! I hope today was somewhat relaxing and I'm curious about Gypsy's weight too!

Amanda: I'm sorry it is so difficult to get these changes because they're all at once, I can imagine that makes it almost impossible to learn them. It does sound like a mental health day is a good idea, and maybe you can get the vision doctor and cable company things done.

Started work at the normal time at 7, then at 8.30 I was sick. I didn't want to go right back to work but I also didn't want to take the whole day. For me stomach issues generally do not last the entire day but they do stay for a few hours. So, I took an hour of leave, and added the 1.5 hours of normal lunch time and rested for that time, and then worked from 11.30 to 4.45, with two breaks. That went all right, thankfully. I didn't quite get my numbers but I came pretty close.

Then when I was done Tom took me to the bank because I had had an overdraft (thank goodness I checked my balance!) because of something I ordered which didn't come off immediately but about 10 days after I ordered it, when it finally was being shipped. That stuff messes me up every time! I wish they didn't do that, my budget tends to be accounted for to the dollar and I adjust it on a regular basis so if I do not remember that I haven't seen the cost of an ordered item come off yet, I mess up. So we went to put money in the bank, so to speak. After that we watched Firefly. I am trying to go to bed earlier now. I hope tomorrow I'm not sick! And I have my anxiety online class during lunch, so I need more sleep tonight for that as well.

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6/24/20 3:37 P

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Enjoy a quiet day, Eva! Glad the emoticon was fun--I haven't played pee wee golf in decades (maybe 5?)!

Hope you aren't too sore/tired today, Alex. Just glad the placement of the A/C will be better for both of you. emoticon emoticon

Slowly getting the hang of some of the new scheduling, given feedback on when WIC notes are confusing, so it’s not clear how to schedule clients. Finding and passing along errors others are making, like what needs to be included in the dental notes now. But it would have been so much better to stagger these additions.

We had another training on something very new, which will be good for patients (as we start rolling out virtual visits), and it was done very well—even helped make some sense of that odd training last week about helping callers reset their password for My Chart to get into their account. (But since I wasn’t familiar with My Chart or who uses it for what, I had no framework to attach it to.) But it’s too much new and different too fast, and my brain is a lot more tired, which affects my mood and energy level. I’ve decided I need to call out tomorrow and take a day to rest and catch up with things like finding a vision doctor to schedule an exam (way overdue) and contacting my cable company to check on my modem and why I keep getting error messages when I try to access YouTube on the Smart TV when I want to rush through my break time workouts.

I was a little shaky by the end of the day, but when I sat down to relax and read, I felt calmer knowing I'll be supporting myself with a day off the rest and recuperate. Then I did my longer Amy video, and let it be totally fine to take it at a slower pace. I was able to get through the whole 25 minutes, puffing and sweating by the end, but feeling good for taking it easier but not giving up.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 6/24/2020 (21:44)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/24/20 6:44 A

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Alex, I was wondering if you had developed something like "text neck" from working at home. some people have because their home setups aren't like work so it puts a strain on the neck and back.

After cutting the grass yesterday morning we loaded up and went to the new mini gold course close to us. It's a fun way to social distance. I suck at mini-golf, for the record. But it's fun! Then we came home and took Gypsy to a small park nearby for leash training. The pod has turtles. she was hilarious, she's never seen a turtle. She just sat at watched them with her head cocked to one side and then she's cock her head the other way.

Today is a "down day" meaning Jim is back at work and I have nowhere I need to go. Tomorrow we take Gypsy to the vet at 9 for her check-up. She's 14 weeks old. I'm curious at her weight. Friday I do the shopping, then Saturday Brenna has a friend coming for a sleepover and we have Chasity's birthday dinner. She'll be 18 on Sunday.

So I had better cherish today!



"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

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6/24/20 12:39 A

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Eva: I am not quite sure what happened, part of it I think is the stress of COVID, especially the first month. I'm used to it a bit now, but I was panicking almost all the time. And then it got worse and worse, I guess I got into a downwards spiral. And then I tried the CBD and I got worse, too. I'm hoping that the pain management class will help, even without this downwards spiral I am in quite a bit of pain normally as well. Just not as bad as now.

I think it's very smart to already get the sanitation stuff so the classroom can be safe. It's a pity the school didn't follow your ideas :( I hope Jim's haircut turns out cute :D Let us know how Hamilton was!

I was able to work the 7 hours of my shift, helped by having my normal one and a half hour nap. It was my shorter day, and after I had an appointment with the dentist. Got my teeth cleaned and no cavities found. And then I overdid it by working to change the window in the living room the airco was in. It was right behind the spot Kevin usually sits, and he tends to be cold a lot. And I'm always overheating and sat at the other window. So we changed it from one side to the other. This is a side sliding window so it involved brackets that needed to be changed over to the other window, and plexiglass as well. That's now done, I'll pay for it tomorrow (got a bit sore and very tired), but so worth it! Now I'm nice and cool and he's more comfortable too. And maybe for once I'm in bed on time!

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6/23/20 6:55 A

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Amanda, it sounds like you were very busy. Maybe the new procedures will go smoothly soon.

Alex, I agree. Take care of yourself. Maybe the classes will start soon. Any idea what happened to put you in a kink? Or a combination of things?

We went to target, 5 below, and Academy of sports. I started buying sanitation supplies for the classroom. It's not long until back to school and I know we will be asked to provide wipes and hand sanitizer. I'm not waiting until the list is distributed to buy that stuff.

I wish the PTO would do what the elementary school has done and create a supply closet for the middle school teachers with items like sanitizer, tissues, and wipes. I've said that for years. They just won't do it.

Jim is still home today. He needs a haircut. So that's on today's to do list.

I'm excited that Hamilton is coming to Disney+ for July 3rd. I might have to plan a "viewing party" for us!

"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

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6/23/20 12:27 A

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Eva: Restaurant's dining rooms are open as long as tables are 6 feet away from each other. We haven't been going though, once because we thought there was outside seating but it was a patio that was mostly closed off instead. We might go to another one with outside seating if it's not half way inside after all. We're not going in doors. Nice that you found good clothes for all three of you. I wonder how MIL will react when what you told her happens! I hope your time with Jim today was fun.

Amanda: Sorry it was so busy for you today, it sounds like you were very busy!

Sorry that it seems to be me hoping to feel better, it's just never ending pain and is very frustrating. The chiropractor did help my neck but now my shoulders are totally out of whack, and I still have sciatica problems that we haven't even looked at. I was able to be active the hours I was supposed to be today but my numbers are half of what they should be :( I hope so much that the pain management class starts very soon.

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6/22/20 8:19 P

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Alex, emoticon on getting things done. And always take care of yourself first--you'll catch us up when you can.
emoticon
Eva, I am so with you on pockets--I want them in everything for lip balm and keys, and sometimes plastic gloves go in rear pants pockets. I even have them in my sleepwear bottoms, and am so thankful I found long & short ones with!
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It was such a long day! much busier with calls with this being the first day we scheduled WIC appts for 8 clinics (of 19, mostly smaller ones), and dental for 1 of 5 clinics. I'm glad it was limited, but I had to ask myself constantly 'Can I schedule them, or should I send to the clinic?' Also lots of insurance to enter. Only 4 new registrations, but 10 new insurance policies to enter, and 3 expired ones to put coverage end dates on. I'm going to relax for a bit with my book before doing a longer exercise routine!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/22/20 6:52 A

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Paula, thank you for your beautiful solstice post. You are so creative.

Amanda, it sounds like you had a good time with Mary. Our chain/fast food restaurants are still closed for seating Except for Subway. The local places have discretion on full seating. Technically they are at 100% but I noticed most are still skipping every other table. I respect that.

Alex, I hope you feel better today.

Saturday we took off to a local JC Penny and Gordman's that are both closings We scored Brenna some back to school clothes, Jim found 2 t-shirts, I found 3 shirts and 2 pair of athletic capris with pockets! I love pockets. All women's clothes should have pockets.

Yesterday was fathers day. Brenna and I made Jim breakfast, and he wanted to cook a London broil on the grill. MIL came by and wouldn't come inside. Said she has a muscle spasm and hurt too bad to get out of the van.she getting another doctor's appointment. I told her to take her muscle relaxer at full dosage she has at home (she takes half) and I let her know if she goes to the doctor they will give her a torado shot, if she's lucky, and tell her to take her muscle relaxer.

Jim is home today and tomorrow. I'm not sure what we will get into.

Have a great Monday!





"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
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6/22/20 1:33 A

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Sorry unable to write, again. Did too much today, and yesterday also, but at least I got soem stuff done.

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6/22/20 1:27 A

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Did a load of laundry & finished in time to meet sister at our halfway in between city of Federal Way. We lunched at Panda Express this time. I'm so happy their string bean chicken is back--my favorite, and one of the lowest cal items on their menu. I had enough leftovers to make a nice dinner--with added veggies, of course!
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On the way home, I picked up 3 of the four Soulwood novels out currently by Faith Hunter. A fascinating series with a heroine who escaped a polygamous cult by becoming the second wife of a former member at age 12. After nursing the first wife, and later the husband, she is a widow in her early 20s, living next to the cult compound (where her extended family still resides), and the cult leaders want to gain control of her and her land. She has magic, though, connected to the earth and plants, and she ends up being recruited into a paranormal federal agency. So much richness on the magic side and the emotional as well. Book number 5 comes out the end of July, so I will preorder that. When I looked them up on the B&N site, I found #2 wasn't in stock at my local store, so I ordered that one last night online, and I will get free shipping. But when I buy in the store, I save 10%, so I saved more than the tax would have been on those 3.
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I had a late nap, did a 30-minute standing Pilates for seniors routine, got the clean laundry put away the same day (!), vacuumed, did a few timer sessions and cleared more space between the kitchen and dining table. So not a great deal accomplished, but definitely progress made, which is always satisfying. I'm near the end of my current book, but not sure I want to stay up long enough to finish it. Although I did have that nap . . .
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Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/21/20 1:32 A

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I got around and away later than intended. Hit Freddie's and Safeway, then made it to TJ's just as Senior Hour was ending. They let me in ahead of the line that started entering, which was kind! emoticon Got to see a favorite cashier and thank her for the Etsy ordering tip about choosing a vendor nearby to save shipping time.

Made plans with Mary to meet in Federal Way for lunch tomorrow. We've decided on Panda Express, where string bean chicken (my favorite, and pretty light, calorie-wise), is back. emoticon I thought restaurants could have 25% seating, but they are still just take-out according to online. Not sure if we'll eat in her car again, or try a park not too far away. Had a lovely nap, and have put in some timer sessions, plus 3 dumbell workouts throughout the day. Feeling successful and content.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/20/20 12:20 A

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Glad you were able to make it through, Alex, and that you are getting more rest tonight!

Paula, emoticon as always for all the time and effort you put into your wonderful sabbat celebration posts!

Good for you, Eva, for being a voice for common sense preparation!

I was in quite a tizzy in the shower and while journaling this morning, but I asked my questions and expressed my concerns and reiterated the feedback that it's difficult for us to cope when the different programs fail to coordinate their schedules for rolling out new developments that impact us. I checked multiple times throughout the day, but no reply except from my old (redeployed) supervisor who recommended "not worrying about it" since billing and consent is not something we've ever dealt with. It seems that just voicing my opinions about the extra stress helped reduce the intensity of what I was feeling.

I finally got out after work to take a walk, then hopped in the car to drive down to the local convenience store for half and half since I ran out with my lunchtime cup of coffee. Read when I returned, then did a super intense, though not too long standing pilates workout by Amy. Managed a few timer sessions today, and plan to finish Sparking, then read a little before bed. Have a marvelous Saturday morning, all!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/19/20 11:36 P

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Eva: Thank you for explaining it a bit. And I agree, it seems people are making it mean what they want it to mean and there is no way to know what they really meant or would have done if confronted with more modern developments. I hope your headache got better? Rhonda's plan sounds a bit worrysome indeed! I hope the shopping went well!

Paula: Thank you for always putting up interesting ideas for the festivals.

Amanda: I am so sorry they're throwing all these trainings in your lap. we had two weeks' of training on our new system 3 years ago or so, and it was two weeks in a big room, and after day three I was cooked. It was just too hard to keep up and everything hurt because there was no ergonomic furniture. And then not even getting the correct information or have it be unreadable is even worse!

I am as expected very sore, but not so that I couldn't work. The bigger issue was the emotional reaction with crying and having parts come out and shift all the time and feeling very stressed that I had not expected. And it started right after the chiropractor visit so I'm really sure that's what caused it. I was able to sleep one and a half hour during lunch as normal, and that helped make it possible to work the full day, though I didn't get as much done as I wanted, my numbers were not too horrible.

After that we watched some tv, and now I'm going to bed really early. I feel wrung out. Thank goodness it's the weekend coming and I don't have to immediately try to be ready for work again.

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6/19/20 1:27 P

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I figured out what some of my malaise has been. I've had 3 trainings now this week, all on Skype. The WIC one was well planned. Dental not so much. We got one document from March intended for folks at the front desk of the clinics with instructions and steps about things we've never been responsible for. I've sent questions--and mentioned in the meeting about a major WIC change for us too. It's like nobody is coordinating between the programs and trying to stagger the new learning and responsibilities.

Then a few of us had a My Chart training yesterday; really short about helping patients change their user ID or more often their password. I think it comes from Family Planning, not sure if any other program uses it. But since I've never dealt with it, I don't know. I think I need to help people find the portal (which the Job Aid we were sent refers to, but which I've never seen). And when the trainer shared his screen with us, everything was so tiny that I couldn't make out anything he was typing. I replied with questions about the Job Aid, and he added to it and sent the revised one out. But I still have questions.

I like feeling capable and confident, but suddenly I don't, and I don't like it. It doesn't help that our lead is off today, so I have to ask questions of each separate program or trainer. Doesn't help that my weight has jumped up, either. Although that may relate back to work upset, and not being in the mood to do much around the apartment. I've done a couple timer sessions this morning--light call volume so far. Want to do more to increase my sense of accomplishment, satisfaction, competence.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/19/20 9:26 A

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I have added Litha here
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/t
eam_messa
geboard_thread.asp?board=8872
x2303
x72195413


I have not been around much but plan on being here more as things calm down again with DH and my Brother who have both had problems health wise, but thankfully not Covid related.


Edited by: CREATIVE_SPIRIT at: 6/19/2020 (09:27)
*´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨) Creative_Spirit aka Paula¸.·*¨)

You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. ~Maya Angelou








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6/19/20 7:10 A

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Amanda, I hope you got some rest.

Alex, how are you this morning? sore as expected?

Our Constitution is very broad. It was written that way on purpose to give the country room to grow. But that room for interpretation is seriously taken advantage of. People focus very much on just 2 amendments and only certain parts of those two. The first (freedom of speech/assembly) and the second (the right to arms). I argue all the time the founding fathers we anti-big government (that's why we colonized in the first place) where only the king's opinion mattered. They wanted everyone to have a voice. We didn't have tv or radio so the right to assemble was necessary. And it's reasonable to think everyone should have a gun when you had to hunt for your food with a musket and knife. Keeping in mind the founding fathers never dreamed of the invention of the Henry repeating rifle (that came during the civil war era) when the Constitution was written. And it never says guns. It says arms. That could be a stick and a rock... Anyway, I equate the language to be like the Bible, people are going to make it mean what they want it to mean and not what the authors actually intended. And we do not know what they intended as they are all dead. We can't just ask.

I'm in a strange mood this morning. Not good or bad. But I did cut yoga short because of a slight headache. I'll try again later.

Talked to Rhonda again. She intends to take a group of 18-year-olds to Gatlinburg July 5-10 It's a mix of boys and girls and I know some of the group are dating each other. The boys are supposed to be on one floor, the girls on the other, with Rhonda and Anna on the ground floor. I was a bit rude when I told her she'd better make sure there's contraception in the cabin, in the woods. She sputtered a little. I was 18. I know what happens on mixed-gender trips...

We are off to do the shopping. Jim has a 4 day weekend. He has vacation days Monday and Tuesday. I'm in a melancholy mood about it. I keep getting photo reminders on Google and Facebook. It's all vacations. And this year is just a no go. Sometimes it's a pain in the butt doing the right thing.



"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find me on instagram @whatever_mrs_eva
~~~~~Co-leader of~~~~~
A Gathering of Goddesses and Meditation and Mindfulness





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6/19/20 1:04 A

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Eva: I'm glad you found what was wrong with Gypsy and that it wasn't a huge thing, that sounds scary, finding all that blood. I got a tattoo at 23 and my parents were still mad.

Amanda: I hope you get soem good rest.

Work went so-so, I had computer problems but still got 3/4 of my normal numbers. During breaks me and Tom managed to put the new airco up. Kevin says it's a lot better (he said from a 9.5 to a 3) but I've ordered a sound isolation board because the big problem is that it's vibrating against the wall. So hopefully that will help. I had anxiety group during lunch, which was just about healthy habits (because they help you avoid stress a bit). Not really that helpful, I knew it all through being on here.

After work I went to the chiropractor. He adjusted me, immediately knew where to adjust, and was not as scared as I've seen other chiropractors be, where they'd tiptoe around for 5 sessions (that I had to pay for) before doing something that really helped. This one was right in it. Though what upset me is that he was talking to a client, I heard it, and he was comparing our governor to Stalin because of requiring masks now and because they 'had gone after' the salon owner in Salem who had opened against the rules. He kept going on to her about the Constitution. Compared to most Americans born here I guess I don't worship the Constitution enough.. Even other 'libs' like Tom and Kevin do. Oh well, I think unless things start getting worse with this chiropractor, he is 3 minutes from our house, and that is important to me.

I'm going to be super sore tomorrow but after that it will be all right.

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6/19/20 12:24 A

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I really don't know why I'm so tired, but I'm resisting trying to get anything done tonight. Mood isn't bad, just a little off. And no idea why. emoticon I'm thinking I don't want to push myself, and will probably end up going to bed on the early side.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/18/20 7:26 A

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Amanda, I'm glad training went well and that they are giving you all time to adjust to the scheduling changes before opening in full. Smart on their part.

Your workout sounds like a monster. At the moment I couldn't keep up!

Alex, I'm sorry Home Depot was so difficult.

Brenna finished a paper bowl and has started on bowl #2. She's also working on felt succulents to display in the bowls. The tie-dye is complete and the shirts were cute. I have no doubt she'll enjoy wearing them.

Right after I posted yesterday morning it looked like a stabbing on CSI in here. Gypsy and the boys (cats) were playing after the morning potty break to the back yard. Then I saw blood all over the floor, the wall, and the island front. I separated everyone and started a wound check. No wound was obvious on anyone. So I took a paper towel and started rubbing the body down to see if I came back with blood and if I did I checked for a wound. No wounds. Checked everyone's' feet. No wounds. So I finally picked Gypsy up and started to check her over for the fourth time. And I found it. A pinprick on the left ear. And by the time I found it it had begun to clot. I'm not sure if a rose bush got her or if Fluff snagged her with his claw. It could have been either. But by the time it was over I hard to mop floors and wash walls. I'm telling you I was waiting for Catherine and Grissom to start knocking on my door... She's fine. But it scared me.

I fixed Mr. Charlie's shorts.

Then my mother come over. I figured out that stepdad finally got a payout from his furlough 3 weeks ago. And maybe got him to understand that he can't file this week until next week. You file a week behind.

Then I spoke with Rhonda for a minute. We shared our day. I found out the oldest niece is getting herself a tattoo for her 18th birthday. I can't say a word. I got both of mine at age 18. (Funny side note, my 75-year-old granny was mad I did not take her with me so she could get one too because "It's a great identifying mark if someone kidnaps you.") MIL is going to have a fit. She didn't speak to Chasity for a week over hair color once. Can you imagine what it will be over a tattoo? I told Rhonda she'll be a black dot person considering Chasity has NO tolerance for pain. She wants to do her inner wrist. I gave advice on where to get a tattoo if they can get Chasity to listen. (FYI: Fatty parts, with the exception of breast tissue, don't hurt nearly as bad as bones and tendons.) Rhonda asked me before we got off the phone how my brain doesn't melt from people asking me questions and me digging up answers or mucking through the processes. (She calls often herself so she's not being smarty pants.) She swears for my birthday I'm getting a crown that says "KNOWLEDGE" across it LOL. If she brings it I will wear it all day long. It'll be my new profile picture. I'll even put on makeup for the occasion.

This morning was day 3 of my yoga series. Well, I learned in my practice this morning that the arches of my feet are tight. Who the heck has tight feet?!? I should look at a reflexology chart. The parts of the hands and feet correspond to internal organs. I don't remember what all is in the arches. I know the toes are connected to the sinus cavity. If you move them just right you can make a person's nose run.



Edited by: MRS_EVA_K at: 6/18/2020 (07:40)
"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find me on instagram @whatever_mrs_eva
~~~~~Co-leader of~~~~~
A Gathering of Goddesses and Meditation and Mindfulness





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6/18/20 1:08 A

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Eva: Yeah the airco is a window unit. It's going to be a quieter one so it can go in my work room, the one I have is very old and very very very loud. Then Kevin gets that one and he says he'll just run it when he goes for a walk or something. His room is about the size of my work room so it should go fast, the cooling. Oh tie-dye is so cool!! and I'm glad you're able to help Brenna get a handle on her body's schedule and how it makes her feel. I think patience with yourself is a good goal, I know how hard it can be!

Amanda: Yeah I always try to remember the oxygen mask if I'm going too far. Sounds like that Tabata routine is quite a challenge: I'm glad that the training was helpful, and I love that you get good feedback from the trainers! I remember as a tutor sometimes trying to get someone to bring up what is challenging or questions can be like pulling teeth! I got scheduled for my cleaning already, coming tuesday. I hope they're not going too fast, the new cases amounts are now about 5 times higher per day than before the partial re-opening. she paused it but did not walk it back.

Work went very well, I made my numbers and didn't feel overwhelmed after the noon rest when right before it I'd been almost falling over if I had not been sitting down. So that was good. But later, when Tom and me tried to pick up our new air conditioner at Home Depot, it went a lot less smooth. My order had been a week late already (and it had been shown as sitting in Salem since a week before that, so it seemed like two weeks). Turned out it had gotten lost. Someone called me saying they had to cancel the order to redo it. She said we'd have to cancel and then re-order it.

That meant, and I did not realize this, that she'd refund the money, but I have to wait the normal week maybe to have the refund. And at the same time she wanted me to pay for the new airco, with 10 percent off, but still. We are always short on cash and that amount of money will mess up my budget. But I thought, oh well. She first wanted me to come into the store but I had explained I had chosen to order it instead of going in for it because of curbside pickup, and that I didn't want to go into the store. So we did it over the phone, and the email I got did not have a regular online order number on it. Just a normal buy-in-store number. At the end of that conversation, I told her I'd be going over and she didn't tell me that their curbside pickup is only available until 6 (we'd spoken about a quarter to 6).

So when Tom and me arrived to pick it up at 7, I followed the instructions on the curbside parking spot sign, to send a text. Nowhere it said that curbside was only available until 6, until I looked three weblinks deep on a page explaining how 'curbside' worked and all the way under everything, under a line at the end, it was there in teeny tiny letters. Way to go.. :/ We waited for a looong time to hopefully see someone with our order, and no one was coming. They also did not send a text back that it was closed. After about 20 minutes I called the store directly, and got someone on the phone after about 2 full minutes of hold tone. And then, this lady told me I had to come back tomorrow after at least 30 mins of driving, since somehow it was not an option to have it sent to my nearby store. So they said to come back tomorrow.

I yelled, or said very loudly "that's not gonna happen". I surprised myself, I had not thought about it before I did it, it just came out. I almost never yell at anyone.. I immediately almost threw the phone at Tom, and he was able to get through to them that if they didn't get someone bringing it out so we wouldn't have to go back another day, they'd lose a customer. I quite often buy stuff there so it's not like a low amount customer.. but it all worked out. all wrung out now though.

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6/17/20 10:33 P

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Alex, sorry for all that driving. But so happy that the working and napping is going well for you!
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Eva, that mood tracker sounds good. And I totally support you (and encourage you) in putting your needs first. (You, too, Alex!) Remember what the flight attendants say on the airplanes--put your own oxygen mask on first before helping somebody else. You have to practice self-care in order to be a capable caretaker. Besides, you are a precious goddess and just as deserving of nurturing and attention as ANYONE else!
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I finally stopped sweating, and my heart rate is back to normal, but boy was I huffing and puffing by the end of that 25 minute low impact Tabata routine with Amy! That working hard for 20 seconds, then resting for 10, through 4 minutes with a 1 minute rest before the next round is an interesting format. It was gratifying that at times I was outpacing Amy, and then sometimes I had to lower the intensity a little, but you always know there is a rest coming!

We had a busy day with 2 Skype trainings, one for scheduling WIC appts again for 2 of the regional teams made up of smaller clinics, serving fewer clients. We hadn't touched the scheduling calendar in at least 3 months, though it may have been 4 or 5. So it was really helpful to have one of the trainers share her screen and let us watch her schedule several clients in the practice environment. And again, Mara (our primary WIC contact) thanked me afterward for my excellent questions. I even made a suggestion afterward to her and the other two WIC reps at the meeting which the main presenter replied was a very good one that they will discuss. I think Monday is our "Go live" date for scheduling for those (8 of 19?) clinics. That was in the morning.

In the afternoon, we had a dental training to review scheduling for 1 of the 5 clinics. They've had to totally remake the schedule to allow time in between each patient, and those necessary procedures that generate airborne particles (AGP or aerosol generating procedures) have to be done in special rooms with lots of extra PPE and safeguards. Less necessary procedures like "cleanings" will be put off until later--probably August. But fillings, extractions, x-rays, exams can resume. But no more coming early and hanging out. No more bringing all the kids on the same day, either. With social distancing rules, instead of 9-12 seats in the waiting room, they can accommodate 3 now. So big, big changes. Our smallest clinic will go live first--also on Monday. We'll review and discuss over the following two weeks before they try to add another clinic for us to schedule. I'm so pleased they are rolling these out slowly.

So the meetings were good and well prepared, but I was a tired puppy at 5. Sat and read and relaxed, then did my workout, and now I'm pooped physically rather than mentally. More reading, then dinner, and I'll see if I can get a couple timer sessions done just to make a tiny bit of progress for the day. Have a great night and an awesome Thursday, everyone!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/17/20 8:02 A

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Amanda, I'm glad you finally got a haircut! My bunch has no idea how lucky they are that their stylist was never off work...

Alex, is the new air conditioner a window unit?

Yesterday we tie-dyed t-shirts. I'm doing the washout this morning. We also had a cooking lesson. And on a more embarrassing note, Miss B and I had the "body changes" discussion again, as she updated me I downloaded her a tween/teen period and mood tracker. It's designed for girls to track symptoms of PMS even before a period starts.

This morning I did Home -day 2. I'm stiff from lack of consistent practice. Particularly in my neck and between my shoulders. Today we set our intentions for the rest of the series. Mine is "patience." It's something I'm in short supply of here of late. That's patience with myself, not the people around me. I've been rather harsh on myself for floundering with my personal needs during all this chaos. Or rather I've put my needs aside for everyone else a lot of the time. It's caught up with me. That's why the ongoing flare. I'll need a lot of patience to get it back under control.



"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find me on instagram @whatever_mrs_eva
~~~~~Co-leader of~~~~~
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6/17/20 1:14 A

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Eva: yeah I hope they'll let me stay working from home, since my state advice is still to stay home for people who are older or who have underlying conditions. I do hope your mom will get an interview! MIL is sooo weird, why lie about having someone's phone number? that's crazy! Sorry that you have to fix the flowerbed.. And, yeah, of course a black football player is totally terrifying as a roommate! (can you hear the snark?) During massages people also often cry, for the same reason, emotional overload that's released. I did that when Tom was still goign to massage school (before he totally crashed) and I was his test subject and I just couldn't stop crying. he got good points for knowing when to stop!

Amanda: So glad you were able to get your hair cut!! That is the one thing I can really understand that people want to be able to have done, even if it is dangerous with the virus. I have read about half of the Harry Dresden books and we have the roleplaying system book as well. I'll have to tell Tom new ones are coming out. I did like his 'Furies' series, but I can certainly see why they're not for everyone.

Work and napping and work again went well. Was able to help someone get their credit approved and they'd lost their job. After that we three chatted a bit, then I went to pick up the air conditioner and Home Depot. I -keep- wanting to call it a microwave and if I mention it the picture of an airco in my head comes with the word 'microwave', so very weird! So, I went to our closer Home Depot, and while I was in their parking lot trying to find their curbside pickup, I realized that the air conditioner had been sent to the north Salem Home Depot, because they wouldn't send it to the south one! So I got very grumpy and went home and had spent at least 45 mins but maybe up to an hour driving. I guess at least it was practice.

Then we watched a Dr-Who two parter, had some pizza, chatted, and again, I'm late for bed. Urgh!

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6/16/20 4:36 P

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Enjoyed reading both your posts, will try to reply later.

I was glad the rain had ended by the time I was driving down to my hair appt in a new salon in Auburn. I actually had to go in the Fred Meyer there to enter! I had given myself enough time to drive down, and arrived a little early, but since they don't have their own restroom, I had to use the store's, so by the time I hustled back, we started a little late. I had had an appt scheduled in mid-March, so it had been 4-5 months since my last cut! I finally had to trim my own bangs, but the hair around my face has been getting in my eyes and mouth while exercising, which is very annoying! Despite hair tie & headband and sometimes bobby pins, I'd still have to deal with those overlong strays. But not now--hurrah!

I was overjoyed when I discovered that not only is there a new Soulwood book (#5) coming out in July, but the new Harry Dresden is also! I knew it had been a long time since his last one, but when I went to check the copyright date I had to brush of a lot of dust--because the last novel, Skin Game came out in 2014! He did a few short stories, and has been writing some fantasy novels I don't especially care for. It's his urban fantasy series I love. Turns out this is the 20th anniversary year for Harry Dresden, so not only is Peace Talks coming out 7/14, but another novel, Battle Ground will come out 9/29!! So that's 15 novels and a bunch of short stories to read! I guess no new library books isn't so bad just now!

I've never bought any of the Faith Hunter books, but I may get the Soulwood ones, though I'll be pretty busy with Harry for a while.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/16/20 7:55 A

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Amanda, Classroom isn't my favorite and agree Adrien should have encouraged tree to remain at the ankle or the shin. I didn't think about crude jokes but it's a practice for a small space. A kid with questionable balance could cause a domino effect.

My introduction to Yoga in videos was actually Sara Ivanhoe. She's very honest that she came to yoga in college because of insomnia. My favorite is candlelight Yoga. I've gone through 2 of these DVDs! I literally wore the first one out. Jim replaced it when he noticed it was taped together. Natasha does her beginner poses and modifications. It's slow and it's quiet. If you give it a try you'll want a towel or cushion if your tight in the hips. Her practitioners in the background show varying degrees of flexibility and skill.

youtu.be/ruUmp3esxUI

I am glad you found Lilias DVDs! I think this was the series she did for PBS.

She has some videos and articles on yoga journal if you're interested.

www.yogajournal.com/search?query=Lil
ia
s


Alex, I'm glad you feel better. Pitty your allergic to CBD. I tried an ointment and I might as well have tried Vicks vapor rub. I couldn't tell it did anything, but have learned it depends on the concentration. Mine came from a chiropractor's office.

Maybe you will be allowed to continue to work from home for a while. I think it's been proven people can work from home and should have a choice in the matter, at least for now.

The applications for the library closed yesterday. We don't know if she will get an interview yet. I'm not sure about the close dates for the other applications. She's just tired of being home. I knew this was going to happen. That's why I've encouraged her to find a hobby or start walking. She's a Milan resident, she could attend Silver Sneakers classes for free. My mother can't sit still and she's not content to "nest" like I am.

MIL called yesterday and asked if I had heard from SIL, Rhonda. I had. I got a text she was going to take a nap. MIL complained she had called twice and could not get Rhonda. I said, "she probably didn't hear it if she's asleep." Then she asked if I had the nieces' phone numbers because she doesn't have them and wanted to make sure everything is alright. She lied. She has all the grandchildren's phone numbers. But I rattled off the girls' numbers anyway. And then I let Jim and Rhonda both know she lied about something as stupid as not having phone numbers for the girls. This attention-seeking is getting on my last nerve.

Fluff and Gypsy dug in my flowerbed. I had to fix that yesterday morning. I think they are searching for where Ariel had things hid. Ariel kept trying to grow "bone trees."

I did not speak to Lela yesterday. But she made it a point to text me about her concern that her son's college roommate was assigned and he's (1) black and (2)a football player (insert a big eye roll here). I responded, "And?" because I personally don't see that it matters. She also text me that her husband has a crew member that's been exposed to COVID -19. I'm not sure if her husband is self-isolating or not. I did not ask. I have a feeling this is Karma at work because of her acting like a butt over her son living on campus.

Day 1 of "Home" was mostly checking in with your body for 45 minutes to see what is tight, what is loose, and if you can identify where you hold anxiety. Well, I hold my emotions in my low back, neck, and shoulders. That also happens to be where I'm tight. Emotional overload makes the muscles contract. That's why people sometimes cry on the yoga mat, the tension releases and so does the emotion that created the tension. I'll make a journal note about that soon. But I do feel more centered this morning.



"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find me on instagram @whatever_mrs_eva
~~~~~Co-leader of~~~~~
A Gathering of Goddesses and Meditation and Mindfulness





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6/16/20 1:38 A

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Eva: Sounds like a good division you had going for Sunday. I loved seeing them play when you put a small video of it up, they looked like they were having so much fun! I think a 30 day challenge is a good idea, 16 weeks is soo much! I don't know yet when I'll be supposed to go to the office, we're here at least until June 30, but I am hoping people with risk can work from home longer. Anyways I wouldn't have to change waking times, I am using the same time when I was to the office, and using an extra hour to sleep instead of commute, and end on the same time too. I am glad Adrien's videos (that is the yoga videos right?) fit you so well. I hope you can help your mom find a nice part-time job! Pity the library didn't work out.

Amanda: Those yoga classes you started with sound really great! Sorry you haven't been able to find something like that face to face, but online videos are good too.

So, turns out I am allergic to CBD. I had a small piece of patch every day, about 5 mg, which is quite low, and I was getting worse and worse for those few days. I decided to not use it today, and once it was gone (it's a 24-hour patch you wear and then take off and put a new one on) so once I had taken it off I was feeling better almost by the hour. The pain is not gone or anything close, but I don't feel as bad as Fri, Sat or Sun. The pain went from almost a 9 (unable to move much, laying in bed whimpering) to about a 7. I can deal with a 7. Though the 7 was what had me go look for things to try to deal with the pain better, at least it's better than a 9!

Worked today, I made my numbers perfectly, exactly on the dot. Slept the one and a half hour during lunch, and finished the day, was able to help a few people. Then when I was done with work suddenly both guys were off to take a nap! I had napped already, so I puttered around for an hour or so and read Quora, the answers to questions about life situations intrigue me. When Tom had gotten up we talked a bit, and half an hour later Kevin joined us and we watched the Dr Who episode with Vincent van Gogh. It is in my opinion the best episode of the entire series. Both Tom and me were in tears. If you only want to watch one episode of Dr Who, this is the one, I think.

Then I had to put the pills in the med boxes because I was feeling too bad Sunday to do even that bit. And now it's past bedtime again! But if I feel tomorrow as I did at the end of today, that would be very good. I also got the materials for the pain management class and have been put on the waiting list for biofeedback training, with sensors at a computer at the Kaiser office 5 minutes away, but it could be a while.

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6/15/20 2:28 P

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Alex, I totally get not being in the mood to write. Self-care is most important. I know you'll catch us up when you can. I also hope you have a good day with less pain.

Eva, I think you are brilliant to do the time shift very gradually. And how interesting that you discovered a source for your positive perceptions of Adrien. The classroom one wasn't the first of hers I tried, but I hadn't found one that was a good match for me. And it bothers me that the classroom video could do more harm than good by giving the impression that you'll only be successful at yoga if you can hold your breath for a super long time & if you're already really limber. Nor can I get over the fact that by demonstrating tree pose with her foot nestled at the very top of her thigh, basically touching her pubic bone, would solicit so much crude joking in a mixed class, and end up sexualizing what can be a spiritual practice.

My introduction to yoga was at a neighborhood Y in Dallas, TX, and I adored it. The instructor was fun & gentle, the lights were soft, her voice was soothing, and she wasn't overly concerned with form. She wanted you to feel good, and introduced things gradually, while giving more details to her intermediate and advanced students. I've tried classes in yoga studios and health clubs and never found anything close to that satisfying or nurturing, until finding Lilias. I have to uncover her senior am & pm workouts that are here somewhere. I also was inspired by Eva to order another one of hers from Amazon--Lilias! Complete Yoga Fitness Beginners & Seniors: Firm and Tone Arms, Legs, Abs and Buns, Improve Flexibility, Balance and Energy
www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0
0M35UW9Y/r
ef=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o0
1_s00?
ie=UTF8&psc=1


Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/15/20 7:30 A

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Amanda, I've done that Amy circuit and love it!

How is your 6 pack friend from Hawaii that survived cancer a few years ago?

Alex, I hope you feel better today.

Brenna and I did the Sunday housework while Jim did the pool maintenance. He grilled chops while I cooked in the house.

This morning my Zoo is at it. Gypsy and Butters are wrestling around back there. Fluff the Frog Eater is outside. He's avoiding frogs... Essie and Pandora are staring at the wrestling match like it's the WWE. Maybe I should sell tickets.

I'm going to begin a 30 Day Yoga practice with Adrien. As a matter of fact I did "Day 0" before I logged in here. This one is called Home. She has several 30-day "challenges" on Youtube." This is aside from what I'm doing with Brenna, but I think it would make me feel better. And I need some time that is just mine. Now managing it with this zoo might be difficult. I use to participate in the ones Yoga Journal would host on their website. That's how I "met" a number of Yogis that I enjoy, including Lilias Folan. Right now they have a 16-week challenge available and you go through the 8 limbs of Yoga. I'm not ready for 16 weeks of Yoga. I've decided to practice before checking in here, So I'll be later in the morning, but I'm going to need that for consistency. It's the best time of day, right now, for me to have up to an hour un-interrupted.

I'm also going to set an alarm. I need to start gravitating myself back to the "school schedule." I haven't seen that thing since March 16th... I've been waking up naturally at about 5:30 do I'll start with a 5:20 alarm this week and move it backward by 10 minutes until I get to my 4:45 alarm. Brenna will begin "walking back" as well. She gets up at 9 (ish) I'll be walking her back to 5:50 am in 10-minute increments. The idea is to be back on "school time" by the last week of July.

It's weird that I'm doing things this way and I know that, but it makes it SOOO much easier come August.

I also think I figured out this morning why I connect with Adrien. She's an only child. I had a half-sister (just the one that I know of. my daddy was a rounder when he wasn't in prison) and several step-siblings (dad had 5 step kids at one time and I had 7 step-mothers that I know of. He couldn't remember how many he had married...) but was raised as an only child by my mother. Only children have a stage vibe that draws in other only children. I can't explain it.

So today is regular housework and whatever Bug wants to do. Stepdad is furloughed this week. So that means mom is in a mood. She's tired of being home (I knew this would happen) so now I'm helping her find part-time jobs to apply for. We will see how it goes.

"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." Hecato, Greek philosopher

****
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find me on instagram @whatever_mrs_eva
~~~~~Co-leader of~~~~~
A Gathering of Goddesses and Meditation and Mindfulness





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6/15/20 12:56 A

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Just to make sure no one is worried, lots of pain day but managed everything, work tomorrow, will write more tomorrow.

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6/14/20 7:51 P

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A "not very much" day can be wonderful! That's what yesterday turned into for me, and I got caught up in my book, and didn't have the energy to post late at night. Hadn't done a whole lot other than laundry, cooking up soup for brunch, nap, Zooming with the Pack, and a couple of workouts. I decided to try a new-to-me one of Jessica's (fusion core?), got in 2 minutes & said "oh heck, no!" and did a favorite by Amy instead.

Hit 3 grocery stores this morning, 2nd half of the soup, another nap, talked with sis about the possibility of a half-Pack if the 6 can't make it this year. Just finished a workout by Amy I discovered recently that I love! 25 Minute Full Body Dumbbell Circuit Workout www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5ed
GQgORGo

It's rare in that she doesn't do combo moves, so good for beginners to focus on just one motion in good form (with lots of level choices and encouragement). And since I'm enjoying challenging myself, I ended up really sweating, even though it's not billed as a cardio routine.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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