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911BRAD's Photo 911BRAD Posts: 9,512
1/30/17 12:57 P

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BRAD (Central Standard Time)
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SIMCYN's Photo SIMCYN Posts: 2,495
9/30/16 1:09 P

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I am really starting to think that I am going to have a problem with my DH and I's relationship if I continue to lose weight....sigh.

He is still grabbing my backend and lamenting about how it is disappearing... but this morning he gave me a nasty look and said "I suppose your (insert nasty word for my breasts) are going to disappear also?" I was a bit taken back. I told him that they probably will, but that's OK because he can just buy me a new pair. OK, that would never happen. I am too old and not that much into the body thing to want perkies. But this is throwing me a bit. I'm doing this for my health. I know I don't want to stop just because my DH is insecure.

Edited by: SIMCYN at: 10/15/2016 (16:51)
Cynthia
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SIMCYN's Photo SIMCYN Posts: 2,495
9/22/16 12:27 P

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Terri, how stressful your life is when dealing a divorce. You don't want to add a huge weight gain due to food hugs from caring family. Is it more that you can't say no to the family because you don't want to hurt their feelings, or is the food filling a need for comfort? How are you handling it?

emoticon

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SIMCYN's Photo SIMCYN Posts: 2,495
9/22/16 12:18 P

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Betsy, I can so appreciate your story. My last homeschooler is done.... so I am now concentrating on me. It is hard. It's not just give the assignments and go do whatever around the house that needs done.... plus the house is more in need since we are at home all day instead of work and school. It is important though to make time for yourself.

I would love to get a wolf whistle... but I do have a ways to go, plus well... I am reaching for that 60 mark myself. Perhaps I should be getting a pair of bermuda shorts also. LOL.

Just keep being a stubborn Norwegian and look toward SP and give your DH a hug. Most do try their best.

Cynthia
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MULTIMOM's Photo MULTIMOM SparkPoints: (74,045)
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9/21/16 6:45 P

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I am in a sticky spot. I just relocated to my hometown after a divorce. Now my family feeds me daily. I am talking every single day. They are southern, and cook so good. Portion control is my issue now. Jeepers.

Terri (Central Time Zone)
2019 Cooking with the Family
"Always be nicer than necessary!"


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MOMWANTSNOWAIST's Photo MOMWANTSNOWAIST Posts: 8,034
9/19/16 1:10 A

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Hi Cynthia!
You got that right when you said Norweigians are stubborn~I am!!!
I have been on SP for 6 yrs, now, lost the wt. ,maintained for 8mos. and when I started Homeschooling , I could not do BOTH Homeschooling and SP so dropped SP and the wt.came back.
I have blogged about how being on SP and all the support is something my family does not understand~March 9,2016 blog ~"Why They will Never Understand...My Need to be on SP". Here is SUPPORT ~when and where you need it. Whenever I find chips in the house that DH bought, he knows I will put them out of SIGHT so I will not eat them.
I find what Annie says is true ~DO THIS for YOU. And keep on keeping on SP ~it is ALL worth it!
An interesting side note~ my DH is working harder now to help himself AND our DS to walk and run at least 20 min. a day now and we are cutting down desserts !!!!! Plus as you lose wt.,men WILL notice~" A WOLF Whistle @ ME?!" Blog for Sunday ,July 24,2016~after a wt.loss of 18 lbs.~and almost 60 yrs.old, in t-shirt and Bermuda shorts~it was appreciated!!!

Edited by: MOMWANTSNOWAIST at: 9/19/2016 (01:11)
In God my heart trusts. ----Proverbs 28:7

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

KNOW that the LORD is GOD.It is HE who made us,And we are HIS;
We are HIS people,
The sheep of HIS pasture.
Psalm 100:3
Betsy ~~~CST






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SIMCYN's Photo SIMCYN Posts: 2,495
9/14/16 10:16 A

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I just recently got my internet sort of running smoothly; so I haven't been following any threads (my provider dumped about 500 emails on me at once that for some reason wasn't getting through). I am seeing that I am not the only one with a spouse or family who, in the most part, are not supporting us as needed. It is heartening that it seems to be unintentionally done.

My talk with my DH must be working because yesterday my husband asked if I minded if he popped up some popcorn since it is one of my triggers. As I have said before.. sweet things are not a temptation, but anything salty and crunchy... well, that's a different thing. Yes, he popped it and yes, I ate some. I'm sort of taking a break from the ultra low carb during this break... so I took advantage. I am staying within my calorie range, so it wasn't a big thing.

I did want to share an article. I thought it had some great ideas.

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/moti
vation_articles.asp?id=1325

Cynthia
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9/11/16 4:06 P

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My husband is supportive and has encouraged me to get healthier. He can see how it has affected my confidence. I used to be so confident and in the past year have gone to a point where my self esteem is so low. I am happy he is by my side through all this. He is very fit and has been since a child. He has never once made me feel like I am fat but I think at times we may need to hear from our spouse that we have let ourselves go.

Sonia-Eastern time zone- South Carolina

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TAMIP62's Photo TAMIP62 Posts: 2,094
9/9/16 6:40 P

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He may truly not realize he is doing something that is destructive to you. People who aren't dealing with the same problem often just don't get it, even though they love the person who is struggling.

I adore my husband. I've been married for 33 years now, and I just learned something a few months ago. I have been heavy to one degree or another since toddlerhood, with one big exception. In my late teens early 20s I lost 125 pounds and got down to my "ideal" weight. That's when I met Bob, so that's what he knew of me, although I told him that I had recently lost the weight. I was healthy, into exercise and good eating. He could take it or leave it. Almost immediately after getting married a year later I got pregnant, then a year and half later I got pregnant again, and I hadn't even lost all of the weight from the first pregnancy. I went through post-partem depression the second time and gained additional weight following the birth of our son, and I haven't gotten back down to even that weight since, even though through the years I've gone on several diets. I could go on to explain the emotional issues of abandonment I have due to both parents going off to do their own thing when I was a baby, and other things. Regardless, hubby was always supportive, but also never said anything if I gained weight, stopped working out, even when I reached my highest earlier this year of 414 pounds. Over the last year I had lost the ability to walk more than a few feet without severe pain and gasping for air, had trouble sleeping, woke up often feeling like I couldn't catch my breath. Already long story a little shorter, I got scared straight so to speak. I came back here, started again and have lost 50 pounds and am aiming at 150 as a total long-term goal. Hubby is being very supportive, but the reason I said all this is that it was a heart-wrenching, sobbing talk about how I've felt through the years, fear of him leaving, and (this is due to my stubborn streak I guess) almost feeling like, well, it's bound to happen sooner or later (after 33 years I should have guessed later, lol) he would leave so I may as well give him reason to... It's warped I know.

He said he never wanted to ever say anything, even though he had become very alarmed at my declining health, but he didn't want to upset me, make me feel bad, or make me think he didn't love me. So he'd buy what I wanted, not say anything when I did, and just try to help me get around as best he could.

Two people living together, and really loving each other, but not saying the most important things... it doesn't make sense, but it happens.

Tami -- Burbank, IL. Central time


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9/9/16 4:05 P

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Just say no thank you when your DH offers you food you really don't want to or should not eat.

You wouldn’t expect to have a drink forced on you if you were a recovering alcoholic, and you shouldn’t have to submit to having fattening food foisted on you. Tell the food pusher, "No, thanks," and leave it at that. You don't owe an explanation. Nor do you need to feel guilty if you choose to avoid someone who’s not helpful to your cause.

Stay strong and stay committed to your decisions on choosing a better lifestyle change for yourself. emoticon



Edited by: CD16633328 at: 9/9/2016 (16:06)
KURTZIE1998's Photo KURTZIE1998 Posts: 32,645
9/8/16 6:40 P

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Fortunately my DH is supportive, but there may be times he feels like eating something different and says lets get, like today, tacos, I got him tacos but told him I wanted to stick with what I had planned, he was fine with it. But when we were first married, weight wasn't the problem it was my desire to excel at work. I think his fear was things went bad when women made more then men, this was years ago and much has changed. What I found that worked and it came about when I was at a luncheon that we were having for a co-worker that was retiring, and I was eating with another co-worker and we were talking, a woman came up, (my bosses wife) and said you two aren't married to each other and we said no, she said I thought so, you were talking to each other, I looked around the room and noticed most couples weren't talking to each other, you might be thinking what has this to do with my problem, Communication, being able to sit down and have an open conversation letting each other know what your feeling etc you would be surprised. Results for us a better marriage, we can talk about anything, and we will be married 52 years in Feb. Being able to communicate is the most important part of a marriage or any relationship.

Joyce K. - Oregon coast - Pacific Time
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IMREITE's Photo IMREITE SparkPoints: (517,325)
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9/5/16 9:04 P

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I';m a food sharer, so i offer people stuff a lot, but i also try to be supportive if they say no. i struggle with my dh because we both have anti-diet attitudes and low thyroid so our lack of energy makes it hard for us to do stuff.

Tammy, Scarlet Dragons
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POINTAFTER's Photo POINTAFTER Posts: 1,301
9/5/16 8:06 P

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I agree with the others; at least talk to him about it. However, be ready for the answer. Food Pushers come in all sizes: Norwegian, Italian, parents, inlaws, co-workers... Some mean well, some are jealous, others don't even realize what they are doing because they are programmed.

The comment I always hear is "You look fine". It's much harder when those closest to you are the least supportive - that is my life. But in the end, it's my body and I have to find the strength to draw the line and say No to fried foods and starches. It's hard, but you'll feel better about yourself.

_______________
Cherie
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LADYLUK's Photo LADYLUK Posts: 5,177
9/5/16 8:04 A

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In the beginning my DH was sabotaging me too without thinking because our life centered around food. Even on our date nights it was centered around food. Now things have changed. He is no longer sabotaging my eating lifestyle but actually joining me and trying to watch his portion control better. My problem is more my family. One of my daughters and her family live with us. Of course they want to keep snacks and quick foods for the boys in the house I understand that. But until recently they balked every step of the way. My daughter tries to encourage me but also sabotages me without thinking. She is always bringing me home something from work to try. Her DH and oldest son are picky eaters as well. So what I put on the menu for dinner is not always a success with him. He does not like rice or fish and actually gets sick if we cook fish in the house at all. I am hoping now that we had this big scare (my brain surgery) that things will be different. I know with DH he is really trying and as soon as the doctor gives me the okay to start exercising again we are going to start going to the park and he is going to start walking with me. I can not wait for tax time to get here. I love my family dearly but it is time for them to get out on their own. This will be the first time in the 17 years we have been married that we will have lived alone and boy things are going to change. First thing fish is going to be back on the menu 2 to 3 times a week. I am excited.

"Remember You are the MAGIC that makes today AWESOME!"

No STAR left behind!!

-Barb
Northwest Arkansas-(CST)
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God bless you and keep you on your journey! Have a fabulous day!


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SUEFROMRI's Photo SUEFROMRI Posts: 2,581
9/3/16 12:10 P

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My husband supports me tremendously, and saboutages me without thinking. He is an icecream addict and his single serving is 1/2 the container! He always brings me some too, which my won't power is not strong enough to conquer the offered bowl.

He is doing better now that I told him I will just take a couple bites of his - I don't need my own bowlful. (This goes for french fries if we are forced to hit fast food, and other desserts too.)

Sue
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SIMCYN's Photo SIMCYN Posts: 2,495
9/3/16 4:06 A

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I agree that sabotaging your partner's attempts to get healthy isn't great. It would be ideal our DHs would support us in things that mean so much to us, but, in my case at least, I know he isn't doing it on purpose.

I have my quirks also. When we first got married my hubby used to bring home chips and junk food all the time. I would ask him not to bring that stuff home... but he did. I asked him to hide them, but that didn't work. So I started just throwing them away. It wasn't to punish him. Chips are more of a trigger food for me than sweets are. If I didn't throw them away.. I would eat them. Either way, he wouldn't get to enjoy them. He stopped bringing home junk food when he asked me where his stash was and I directed him to the compost bin.

Also, throughout our marriage, I have been on and off diets. Now that's got to be confusing. How's a person to know? Like Anne, I don't usually tell my family when I diet because frankly, it is embarrassing to admit to another failure. This time I have told my family.

I like Janet's statement " Heck, I have times when I want to give up myself, I really can't expect him to be on board every minute of every day." So true.

I figure that if he can live with my fobbles, I can deal with his. Yes, he is stubborn, often taking what I say so personal, that we never get to the point I am making. I've known about this for 34 years. It drives me crazy sometime, as I drive him crazy about other things. I am thinking a crazy marriage is interesting.

BTW, I love the sign Susan. Very appropo.





Cynthia
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SUSANK16 Posts: 2,635
9/3/16 1:16 A

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In reference to stubborn men --



Edited by: SUSANK16 at: 9/4/2016 (02:23)
Susan
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Memento semper finis

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

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With mastery comes the humility of knowing that being a master is ephemeral and that the skills will disappear without practice.--Pam Peeke


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ANNIESADVENTURE's Photo ANNIESADVENTURE Posts: 6,702
9/2/16 2:57 A

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I congratulate you too on the wonderful progress you are making.

When I am strong, nothing can get me off track. But this journey is so daily. Focus wanes and commitment gets thin at times as motivation ebbs. We are a family of food pushers. Good times are always better with food :).
My family loves me dearly but they can sabotage me. I find I do better to keep my mouth shut about what I am doing and just do it. Make healthier choices and log it here. Talk about my weight loss on Spark, not at home. It's not ideal, but it works.




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ITHILDRIEL's Photo ITHILDRIEL SparkPoints: (29,710)
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8/31/16 6:51 P

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First off, congratulations on your 10% weight loss! Such an awesome achievement!

My DH's support does ebb and flow. There are times I feel like he is sabatoging me, and other times when he is supportive. At one point he even accused me of starving him! emoticon

When I'm feeling sabatoged, I remind myself that none of the changes I have made were desired by him. Heck, I have times when I want to give up myself, I really can't expect him to be on board every minute of every day.

At the beginning food was a real issue for us. I wouldn't bring junk food in the house (hence he was starving). Then he started bringing in the junk, and I asked him to hide trigger foods like pastries from me. He balked, but he did it. Like you I'm now super sensitive to sugar, so I don't get triggered as easy.

A lot of our activities have centered around food in the past so that is a big change for us. As I get more active, that is what I now worry about. His perfect vacation is a week on the couch with beer, pizza and Netflix. I hope to start having a more active and adventurous lifestyle. At this point I'm so limited he can keep up with me, but I was worried about what would happen to our to our relationship in the future.

Just as our food situation has started to reach an equilibrium (we still are having difficulty shopping together), I've come to realize that other aspects of a healthier lifestyle will work out, and there is no point to worrying now about how that will work out.

He has jumped on board with some healthier eating habits. Other will always be a no go (like kale, quinoa, and meatless meals). I can't change him, only the way I perceive his actions.

Keep up the great work, and be patient with him. If it's anything over there like it has been over here, you turned his world upside down and it will take time for him to adjust.

Dream Big
Start Small
Act Now

Janet
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SIMCYN's Photo SIMCYN Posts: 2,495
8/31/16 1:04 P

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I don't know if I should be commiserating with you on DH sabotage or being jealous at the mention of date nights and his willingness to walk/bike with you and beach trips (I live in Iowa... no beaches). You are one lucky woman! It is great that you are having an impact on implementing a change on a problem area. You need to give that man a big hug and kiss the next you see him.

Cynthia
central standard time, Iowa
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DESKJOCKEY925's Photo DESKJOCKEY925 SparkPoints: (109,667)
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8/31/16 12:35 P

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My DH does sometimes seem to sabotage things too.
And, having talked about it, I wonder if it's just because so many of our good times and habits have included food in the celebrations ...
And it seems like I am trying to bring them to an end - or at least modify them.

Like we always have gone out for Italian or Mexican dinner on Fridays as "date night"
Or weekends at the beach with fried chicken as a cooler snack

So, the last few months, while leaving some of our favorite weekly routines intact, I tried adding some new habits that didn't include food, and were healthy things we could do together ...

Like taking the walking trails with our new pup once a weekend
and biking to a meeting on Saturdays

So far, it seems to work for us.


Diane - US Eastern Time

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter. - Francis Chan

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


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PACEKA1's Photo PACEKA1 Posts: 11,051
8/31/16 9:33 A

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Yes, we must embrace the Irish. My dad was the most even tempered person I have ever know - and that says a lot since he spent almost 60 years with my mother! And I agree, wives can be challenging too.

Kathy
Central Time Zone
*Teddy Bear: 5% Fall Challenge (2018)

"The body is a sacred garment. It's your first and last garment; it is what you enter life in and what you depart life with, and it should be treated with honor."

.....Martha Graham


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SIMCYN's Photo SIMCYN Posts: 2,495
8/30/16 10:29 P

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Penny, I told my husband and I love his stubborn Norwegian A$$.... You know, the only thing I think he heard was stubborn. He gave me the most offended look and told me that he is in no way stubborn. Ha! Men! I am embracing my 1/4 Irish roots (much like Kathy is) since the other 3/4 is mostly Danish and we are known for stubbornness also.

Cynthia
central standard time, Iowa
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SIMCYN's Photo SIMCYN Posts: 2,495
8/30/16 10:22 P

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LOL, yes, DHs can be challenging Kathy... but then again, I suppose, so can DWs. Although not to such an extent. I am thinking you should go without the AC while exercising and then when you are dripping with sweat... which you will be by the sounds of it... give your DH the biggest sweatiest hug. I mean totally gross him out. I bet he'll be begging you to have the AC on after that. BTW... women glisten... not sweat.

Oh and IAMAGENLOVER, I don't think my DH was to worry about other men having too long a look at me at my age... but I do believe that his actions probably are due to insecurities as you stated.

Cynthia
central standard time, Iowa
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IAMAGEMLOVER's Photo IAMAGEMLOVER Posts: 47,755
8/30/16 9:26 P

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I believe that it is their own insecurities that make them uncomfortable. Other people start noticing you, other men may pay attention to you.

I love SparkPeople

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I am responsible for my own happiness.

My name is Bonnie I live in CT DST

I went from 258 to 126 pounds and have maintained it since 12/28/12.

Too Blessed to be Stressed.






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PACEKA1's Photo PACEKA1 Posts: 11,051
8/30/16 8:14 P

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I just had to comment on this. First, SIMCYN, I loved your comment about your husband's Norwegian heritage. Having been raised by a Norwegian and a Norwegian/Irishman - I totally get what you are saying. Bullheadedness comes to mind! I am so grateful that I got more of my dad's Irish genes than my mom's Norwegian genes. That said, I have some of that bullheadedness myself.

As for husbands, mine isn't exactly sabotaging me but he isn't really taking all this seriously either. Today it's cooler outside but still very humid so when I started exercising I turned on the ac - I was so hot. Of course he has to come up and make a comment about having the ac on when it's only 75 degrees outside. Too bad! As for the pizza - that is a contention with us as well. I will eat it but to me it's a once a month item; for him it's a 1-2 times a week meal. Husbands can be wonderful creatures but they can also be challenging.

Good luck!

Kathy
Central Time Zone
*Teddy Bear: 5% Fall Challenge (2018)

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CERIUSLY's Photo CERIUSLY Posts: 13,047
8/30/16 7:54 P

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No need to be sorry. It's a great topic, and we welcome responses to it. There are several reasons we ask for members not to start new topics, One being that we as leaders may have plans to introduce something similar at some point. Another reason, important posts can easily get lost among other topics that come up.

It's all good. My ex hated that I gained weight, but sabotaged any effort I made at losing. I finally just gave up trying to please him and concentrated on my health.

(((Hugs))) CULighter, Ceri Central PA EST
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SIMCYN's Photo SIMCYN Posts: 2,495
8/30/16 4:08 P

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Sorry, it seems as if I often mess up with this group.

Cynthia
central standard time, Iowa
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CERIUSLY's Photo CERIUSLY Posts: 13,047
8/30/16 3:08 P

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This is a good discussion so I am going to leave it, and please feel free to respond.

However, we ask that Members do not start new topics, for a number of reasons.Please ask a leader to start your topic if you have an idea for something interesting. emoticon

(((Hugs))) CULighter, Ceri Central PA EST
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For as a man, (woman), thinketh in his, (her), heart, so is he,(she). Proverbs 23:7
"Every step is valuable, every breath is life" My personal Mantra


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SCOTIANRUNNER's Photo SCOTIANRUNNER Posts: 13,593
8/30/16 11:20 A

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I dated a guy for eight years before I met my husband. When we met, I weighed 20# more than him. When we broke up, I weighed 20# less than him. Over the course of our relationship, he got more jealous/possessive as I lost weight because of HIS insecurity. I was improving my health for me and he was worried that I'd leave when I got thinner.
Sometimes, all you can do is reassure him that you need this for you and that you love his stubborn Norwegian a$$.

***Penny***
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"Begin - to begin is half the work, let half still remain; again begin this, and thou wilt have finished." - Marcus Aurelius


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SIMCYN's Photo SIMCYN Posts: 2,495
8/30/16 10:03 A

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You are right Nola... I do need to talk to him.... that would be a double sigh. I know that.

The biggest problem is that he is such a stubborn Norwegian. I think it comes from his viking background. You know.. lusty women, rape and pillage... not that he is into raping and pillaging, but he does have a sort of "I take what I want" attitude. His biggest "power" taking maneuver is making it like I am attacking him personally when I talk to him about something important to me. He has the most soul- melting, puppy-dog, sexy blue-eyed continence when he feels threatened. I have a hard time fighting against it...even after 34 years.

Anyway, I know you all can't help with the talk. I just thought I would throw this out there to see if others have this problem. Of course, any suggestions would be appreciated also.

Thanks again Nola.

Edited by: SIMCYN at: 8/30/2016 (10:06)
Cynthia
central standard time, Iowa
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//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1sV
UZZoP_nIc2HCLax9YbKBs8-8eL3yrUdp6uvCAt
c10/edit#gid=30


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NOLAHORSERIDER's Photo NOLAHORSERIDER Posts: 12,122
8/30/16 9:43 A

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So sorry your DH is sabotaging you. I think you need to have a heart to heart with your DH. Maybe even express how you feel about YOUR health. Obesity has so many health issues. I must commend you on being mindful though! It is wonderful that you have lost 10% of your weight. I know you feel better.

You can always come to SP and get motivation, inspiration and encouragement. If not from the videos and articles, but from your SparkFriends.

Please, don't give up! You can do this!! I just know you can.

I have an inspirational quote on my computer that is just awesome. I will post it for you.



Edited by: NOLAHORSERIDER at: 8/30/2016 (20:15)
My name is Nola
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SIMCYN's Photo SIMCYN Posts: 2,495
8/30/16 9:16 A

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I know I have heard of this, but truthfully, I didn't give it much credence, but has anyone else had any difficulties with their spouse, or other loved ones, accepting the new smaller you?

I have lost only 10% of my weight and I have a lot to go, but my DH keeps grabbing my backside and lamenting on how it is disappearing. I would like to think that he is just supporting me in his own way. You know... like... pointing out that I am getting smaller, but he also is doing things like bringing me home bags of peppermint patties (frozen peppermint patties are my fav). It isn't working with the patties since I have become so sensitive to sugar that my heart starts racing in a most uncomfortable way if I eat even a small amount.. so no way will I eat them. Now pizza.. when he brings that home is a different matter.... sigh. (BTW, if you dehydrate tomato slices with salt, garlic powder, and italian seasoning...it makes a very pizza like snack if paired with pepperoni slices.)

Edited by: SIMCYN at: 8/30/2016 (09:16)
Cynthia
central standard time, Iowa
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nutritional tracker
//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1sV
UZZoP_nIc2HCLax9YbKBs8-8eL3yrUdp6uvCAt
c10/edit#gid=30


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