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April 2004

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I am 37 years old and the mother of 2 - 5 year old Eli and 7 month old Brenna. I want to be healthy and feel good in my own skin.

I have been overweight since I was around 12. That's when I went to live with my final foster family. Up until that point, I was a very skinny child... probably due to the fact that I sort of had to take care of myself.

I have always been a people pleaser - rarely saying no even if on the inside I was screaming it. Over time, I "learned" to comfort myself with food. If I had a bad day, I ate. If I had a good day, I celebrated by eating. If I was stressed, I ate. If I was tired, I ate. If I was angry, I ate. If I was _______ (insert ANY emotion), I ate. And the "good" part was that eating was acceptable. Drugs are illegal. Drinking makes it difficult to drive or get on with day to day life. Food - well that wasn't as hard to hide or fit i n. Besides, I was funny and fun to be around so people didn't mind if I was gaining weight... People seem to like the fat girl so long as she is funny and a people-pleaser.

I've learned it's ok to say no. It's ok to have feelings - good, bad, indifferent - and it's ok to please myself rather than living for others' happiness.

But having gaining that knowledge doesn't undo the weight I've put on over the years. Sure, I've managed to lose substantial amounts time and time again, but since I haven't taken control how food affects me but rather let the craving for comfort (food) control me, I've only be addressing the symptoms - this time I am attacking the source!

So, here I am taking charge of the things I can and letting go of the things that I have let control me.

Member Since: 3/25/2008

Fitness Minutes: 670

My Goals:
1. Drink 64 oz water a day. Will work up to more eventually.

2. Go to bed by 10:30pm.

3. Wake up by 6:30am daily.

My Program:
I am following my interpretation of the Dr. Johnson's Upday Downday program.

You can visit the website at

There are other similar programs, but the basics for me are:

Alternate an up day (1500 calories) with a down day (500 calories) and exercise.

Personal Information:
I believe that we've become conditioned to accept the negative as fact and the positive as fiction - and it's time we turned that sort of thinking around!!

Other Information:
I am often online due to work, so feel free to chat anytime:

ICQ: 73340014

Yahoo: jnbsmiles2003

AIM: jnbsmiles


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