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Beans & Cornbread

Thursday, January 22, 2009

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I haven't officially "started" the program yet, but I'm really excited about it. I just hope this is FINALLY the answer. I'm heavier than I've ever been in my life. I have about 135 lbs to lose. I know I am slowly killing myself, so it is literally a life or death choice.

I'm just so truly addicted to food. I compulsively eat....food to me is like booze to an alcoholic. I'm sitting here at work just stuffed to the gills and feeling very sluggish. I ate a huge meal for lunch and even more for breakfast. And I'm wondering when I'm finally going to break through this wall??? It's like I have this huge sense of entitlement. Like I DESERVE to eat whatever I want.

I grew up very poor and we had more than our fair share of beans and cornbread meals (which oddly is one of my major comfort meals now). There were six kids (all girls) and numerous "foster" kids as well. So when I say you had to fight to get enough to eat, I'm not exaggerating. Now that I'm grown up, it's like I just eat and eat as much as I can because it may not be there later. Stupid and irrational, I know, but this is the psychology I'm trying to overcome. And it is DEEP-SEEDED!

I'm usually one to hold back on revealing too much of the real me to the rest of the world, but I promised myself I wouldn't do that on here. I'm here to heal and get it all out, so I can finally be healthy.

Here's to learning to live the right and healthy way!
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