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Biggest Loser :-(

Thursday, April 16, 2009

4-16-09

I went to the doctor yesterday for medication refills....and....drum roll please....I had gained 15 pounds since I last saw him six months ago. I now weigh 289... wow. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would weigh that much. That's 60 lbs heavier than I was when I was 9 months pregnant.

That's almost 300 pounds!

Why didn't I stop myself when I hit 250? 200$ Why weren't those landmarks a wake up call?

My blood pressure...which I've never had high blood pressure before...was at stroke level. He wants me to get tested for diabetes, thyroid function and have a full physical. My knees have been killing me and I can barely walk across the room.

When the nurse told me that weight yesterday I thought "Of course your knees are hurting you idiot!"

I am literally killing myself. I will die if I don't stop this runaway train. I will die. Plain and simple. I will die.

I woke up this morning and bypassed my usual Coke and candy bar breakfast, fixed me a big glass of ice water and wheat toast with peanut butter. I've been chewing gum ever since and ate a handful of pretzels for a snack. I pulled up Word Perfect and started planning my strategy.

I am an intelligent woman. I know how to eat; I know how to lose weight. But what I don't know how to do is manage my compulsive over-eating. It's emotional. It's internal. And that takes a whole heck of a lot more than just writing down a diet and exercise plan.

I've told you all before that when I start a lifestyle change, that i do ok for about a week, then I panic and feel vulnerable, eventually scrapping it all only to gain even more weight.

I have to find the tools to deal with this....I honestly feel like this is my last chance. It's do or die time.

I'm looking into everything; every kind of tool. I'm even considering therapy. I've been told that Yoga is a great way to get in touch with yourself and the inner reasons you over-eat, etc. So I'm going to give it a try.

If any of you have an advice, tips or run across an article. Please send it to me.

One thing I am committed to is writing here every single day. That will keep me focused and give me an avenue of expressing what is on the inside.

Pray for me because here I go! Deep breath...scary, but my life depends upon it.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MICHAELEWELLS
    I am sorry for the bad news. The good news is that You can start making changes.
    Start little and you will not be overwhelemd.
    I'm rooting for you! I have diabetes and high blood sugar. In one week of cardio and weight lifting it has dropped dramatically. There is hope!
    4410 days ago
  • GOODBYEXL
    I am glad you got the wake up call you needed. Weight loss takes discipline. It is not easy. Don't give up when you have a bad day. We all have them.

    This is my tip for the day. Don't eat anything unless it is A. good for you and nourishes your body, or B. You really, really enjoy it. I like cheesecake, so I don't say no to a small amount. Muffins etc, are just OK for me so I don't waste my calories on them.
    4410 days ago
  • SUE6196
    I'm an emotional eater too, so I know how hard it is to stop eating for no reason. I can relate to your post because I too know how to eat healthy, its just that I like to eat and when I'm bored that's what I turn to. Hopefully, as you stated, using this site will help keep you motivated and focused on eating correctly.
    4410 days ago
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