Biggest Loser :-(
Thursday, April 16, 2009
I went to the doctor yesterday for medication refills....and....drum roll please....I had gained 15 pounds since I last saw him six months ago. I now weigh 289... wow. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would weigh that much. That's 60 lbs heavier than I was when I was 9 months pregnant.
That's almost 300 pounds!
Why didn't I stop myself when I hit 250? 200$ Why weren't those landmarks a wake up call?
My blood pressure...which I've never had high blood pressure before...was at stroke level. He wants me to get tested for diabetes, thyroid function and have a full physical. My knees have been killing me and I can barely walk across the room.
When the nurse told me that weight yesterday I thought "Of course your knees are hurting you idiot!"
I am literally killing myself. I will die if I don't stop this runaway train. I will die. Plain and simple. I will die.
I woke up this morning and bypassed my usual Coke and candy bar breakfast, fixed me a big glass of ice water and wheat toast with peanut butter. I've been chewing gum ever since and ate a handful of pretzels for a snack. I pulled up Word Perfect and started planning my strategy.
I am an intelligent woman. I know how to eat; I know how to lose weight. But what I don't know how to do is manage my compulsive over-eating. It's emotional. It's internal. And that takes a whole heck of a lot more than just writing down a diet and exercise plan.
I've told you all before that when I start a lifestyle change, that i do ok for about a week, then I panic and feel vulnerable, eventually scrapping it all only to gain even more weight.
I have to find the tools to deal with this....I honestly feel like this is my last chance. It's do or die time.
I'm looking into everything; every kind of tool. I'm even considering therapy. I've been told that Yoga is a great way to get in touch with yourself and the inner reasons you over-eat, etc. So I'm going to give it a try.
If any of you have an advice, tips or run across an article. Please send it to me.
One thing I am committed to is writing here every single day. That will keep me focused and give me an avenue of expressing what is on the inside.
Pray for me because here I go! Deep breath...scary, but my life depends upon it.