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Friends in trouble!

Thursday, July 09, 2009

It's been a very stressful and depressing afternoon for us. Rich and I went shopping for a handle for a hammer he wants to repair I know it would be so much easier and cheaper to just replace the hammer and buy a new one BUT this hammer is one that Rich's Dad gave him his first tool when he was a boy and it's sentimental for him so anyway we were going to every hardware store in town to get this handle when I got a phone message from Barbara my friend who WAS coming to stay a couple of days and she sounded like she was crying and upset so I said I needed to hurry home to call her on the landline as my battery was low. So once home I called her and I listened as she poured out her sad sad story to me in tears. Now Barbara is a College Professor of Math and Science so she's a very educated woman who teaches nursing students. Her husband Ken or Toad as we call him taught middle and high school history til a year ago when he retired. They have one son, Bryan who is alittle older then Chelsea. Bryan is a smart kid but somewhere he's lost his way, he opted NOT to finish college with all of less then a year left went to California and worked in a logging camp til they fired him and his Dad went down and moved him back home. Now Bryan has become dependent on alcohol, has recently gotten TWO DUI tickets and is a violent mess from the sounds of things. He is very bitter with the world and wants to die by the sounds of things. Yesterday Bryan's blood pressure got dangerously high so they literally had to drag him to the clinic and it's so high he's a candidate for a stroke as well as having an enlarged heart. That was the reason they cancelled coming up to visit us they live like 2 hours away in the middle of the state. Well she was so upset over all this she said she sat under her desk and sobbed for several hours and she's had to stay in her room since yesterday since he's been so angry with her all he does is yell and throw things so she's stayed in there and Toad has delt with Bryan and not well at that she said. My heart is breaking for this family and I know not what to do to help them. When I got off the phone with her I just couldn't help but think of how there are so many angry people in this world who make life so miserable for people around them and you just know it doesn't make them feel better by being such a miserable person.
I reassured Barbara that we would have those girl days soon as things settle down at their house and before she goes back to school this fall. I want so badly to help them through this and just don't know what to do to guide them. I do think she needs to contact some mental health agencies tomorrow and see what they suggest as we are so concerned that he just might go nuts and do something horrible.
As always I thank you for listening and letting me get this off my heart
I thank you for any and all suggestions
I thank you for your prayers for this troubled family
I thank you for being YOU!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MARLA7
    Cheryl - I do hope things are settling down for Barbara & Toad now with Bryan. I can't imagine having to deal with something like that. My prayers are going out for that family. Just be there for her. That's about all you can do. She'll need someone to lean on and talk to... vent to. You have a huge heart Cheryl.... surround her with your love and hugs..... love you, Marla
    4358 days ago
  • MAURIZIA
    Cheryl, I can only reiterate what everyone here has said. They need to get a professional to help him...in whatever way they can. Is there a certified substance abuse program in their area or a psychiatric facility? They can help them with getting him to a program. Because he is indicating suicidal ideology, I think a facility would take him as a high risk. Your friends also need some help to learn to cope with this problem.

    Now, for you. You need to be a big giant ear for Barbara. All the education in the world doesn't help when it is someone that you love so dearly...Just be the support she needs...and if she gets angry, remember that she is just expressing her feelings about the situation.

    In the meantime, since I'm across the continent from you, I'll keep them all in my prayers.

    Hugs,
    Mauri
    4363 days ago
  • DEUCE119
    So many good suggestions. I have not had to , so far, live with anything like this. Mary is right tho'. Reaching out to people who know and to professionals will make this easier on them. It is hard when you don't know what to do. Hugs to them and to you. Being a friend and listening to them is about all you can do. emoticon
    4363 days ago
  • HOUSECAT609
    Cheryl, Mary and Kathy are so right. The only thing you can do is to be there for them. They do need to go to Al-anon. Will be keeping your friends in my prayers.
    4363 days ago
  • KSNICKER
    Cheryl - I'm so so sorry that your friends are having to deal with this... It is not an easy thing to have to go through... Trust me I know...
    Mary is right... they need to seek guidance from a Al-anon meeting or talk to a professional ASAP. It is so hard to say NO to your children... I know that one too... And I am still doing it. It was the hardest thing I had to do to ask my DD to leave. Broke my heart, but I could no longer live in a house with all the violence and verbal abuse. I'm not sure where all that anger comes from. Only they can work that one out... I hope that he will choose to get help...
    As for helping your friend... just being there to listen is the best thing you can do... Nothing better than knowing you have a friend to listen to you through all the hard times and choices she will have to make for her own sanity.
    ((hugs))

    4363 days ago
  • LMSW55
    Cheryl, as a social worker who deals with these types of situations daily, I urge your friend and her husband to go to an Al-anon meeting ASAP. There they will learn how to set boundaries with their adult son and become educated on addiction. So many families believe that by putting a roof over their adult child's head and providing the basic comforts of life, changes will occur. If anything, they are enabling their adult child to continue with the addiction and everything else that may come with it - violence, theft, unsavory "friends". So anyway, that's my take on it, unsolicited as it is. Being a shoulder to cry on is about the only thing you can do for her.

    4363 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2244567
    OH CHERYL HOW SAD!ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THE NEED TO HAVE A INTERVENTION REAL FAST!WITH A DOCTOR PRESENT!IF THE CAN CAUGH HIM WHEN HE IS NOT DRUNK!IF THEY DON'T THIS IS GOING TO END IN A BAD WAY! IT IS HARD WHEN WE HAVEN'T BEEN THERE TO KNOW WHAT TO DO OR SAY BUT JUST BEING THERE AND LISTENING MEANS ALOT TO THE FAMILY SAYING PRAYERS THAT ALL WILL WORK OUT FOR THEM. HUGS,CHAR
    4363 days ago
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