Sunday, July 12, 2009
This might be the hardest blog I will ever have to write but I am going to attempt to be as honest as my soul will allow.
Char has asked us to recommitt as a team and I for one need to take her lead and get myself back on track bigtime. When I began this journey I was sooooooo committed and I KNEW that I was going to shake this 92lbs and I was going to be so much happier with myself for doing it. And I was so successful in the beginning at this, I had joined WeightWatchers and joined Curves as well and along with Sparks was on my way. I managed to drop a wonderful 56 pounds of unwanted ME and boy did I feel and look good!! Well life has gotten in the way big time and I have allowed it to, no one to blame but ME! Only I control what goes in my mouth and what I do or do not do daily to get the other 36 pounds gone so I moved over and let LIFE 101 take control. I allowed all the things that were difficult for me in my life like losing family, friends, and my job to take control and put me into a state of depression which is now something I do recoginize it to be that has managed to derail me from my goals. NOT ANY MORE! So today I am recommitting to my journey and I am going to kickstart my programs and get back to what was working and make the effort to finish what I started. I know I can do this, I have proven that I can do this and I WILL do this again til I get it right.
LIFE DOESN'T CONTROL ME, I CONTROL MY LIFE!! I simply need to remind myself of that. When we went to put our precious Tabbie dog to sleep Friday Laurie hugged me and said something that's been replaying in my head like a recording, she said, " Cheryl, you've had Tabbie and loved her for 14 years. You've been a good Mom to her given her a great home with all the things she needed, you've LOVED her like you and she both needed NOW LOVE HER ENOUGH TO LET HER GO!!" Well NOW I need to love myself enough to let go of all these things that are bogging me down and derailing me and do what is best for me.
I have let all the emotions of quiting my job get to me too much I have slacked off in my steps daily, I have slacked from going to Curves weekly, I have not touched my WII, I am not tracking my food daily, I am eating things I KNOW are NOT good for me thinking well I am already off track it won't make much difference. Now WHO am I fooling? ME OF COURSE!!
So here I sit feeling sorry for who? ME of course! Yeh I still look good but I KNOW what I have done and I know that I have gained back some pounds I worked hard, really hard to shed so this morning I will march my backside to the scale and I will change my tracker and recommitt to getting back on track and walk my walk so I can talk my talk!!
This week my backside WILL work to regain control of LIFE 101 and I will once again make sure I start at the beginning like I know I can. Time has come to make myself HAPPY and push everything that isn't helping me aside, got to make this all about ME to make it work and I remember that feeling of wanting this 92pounds gone more then anything in this world well I still want that feeling to fill my heart and soul and make me push for that goal because I know I can do that and I will do that so there you have my confession for the day, the week, the month and nothing is going to derail my kickstart!! Thanks for being there for me, especially when I need you most!!