It's all I have to bring today,
This, and my heart beside,
This, and my heart, and all the fields,
And all the meadows wide.
Be sure you count, should I forget --
Some one the sum could tell --
This, and my heart, and all the bees
Which in the clover dwell.
--- Emily Dickinson
Somewhere along my weight loss journey I started thinking about how I would celebrate turning 50 as a healthy, physically fit, individual.
You see, I didn't just exercise, eat healthy, and lose weight.
I got rid of the eyeglasses and got contacts.
I embraced my naturally curly hair and let it grow and swirl.
I tossed out the frumpy wardrobe.
I became self-confident.
I found my inner sexy.
I started viewing the world as a big, beautiful place
that I failed to notice before from my couch.
I wanted to dance, laugh, have fun...
I didn't want to be just mother, wife, nurse, aunt, grandma anymore
I wanted to be all of those with a little bad girl thrown in.
And how better way to be a bad girl than--
To get a tattoo!
But a tattoo of what? 50 year old women don't suddenly get Scooby Doo tattooed on their shoulder.
Names? No, nothing that could be here today, gone tomorrow.
Not kid's names? No
Not even in memory of deceased child? No - this was celebrating, not grieving...
What would be tasteful, yet somewhat define me?
Reading through my complete works of Emily Dickinson I found it. My "philosophy
in life" so to speak--
It's all I have to bring today. My heart. Whatever I do in life whether it's by choice or a directive I try to bring my best effort -- put my heart into it. It's all I can do. That in itself means I won't fail. Sincerity, honesty, a little stubborn determination.
All as wide as all the fields and meadows, not to mention all those bees that in the clover dwell.
If that's not good enough for some, I'm sorry. That's all I have to bring.
So it was with this attitude I decided to shed the fat, frumpy, conservative exterior.
Get physically fit.
And enjoy this beautiful life that I was given.
And reveal just a little inner bad girl by tattooing "my life's philosophy" on my right shoulder so it could peek out of the new tank tops I could wear over my new slender shoulders.
And celebrate every time I catch it's reflection in the mirror...