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Here I Sit

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Here I sit... January 2, 2010 and still FAT! I use that word to describe the way I feel; the way I look; the attitude I have! I'm good for nothing these cold, winter days. My motivation is at an all-time low; my hope for a healthier future is lost for now; God keeps on giving and giving me more time to make better decisions. I want to do it for him ! I want to do this for my significant other so I can be a joy in his life instead of a drag. I want to do this for my children so I can feel like keeping up with them. I want to do this for my grandchildren so I can get in the floor with them; laugh with them; love them and care for them the way they should be. Isn't it odd that I find myself listing ME last? Isn't that the way it's always been? Mothering has always come first but now my children are all grown and on their own while mothering their own children. My grandchildren are happy and at peace in their world with parents who love them and take wonderful care of them. My significant other is whole, healthy and waiting for me to enjoy life with him. We have a beautiful home; children who care about us both; retired life to begin enjoying now; financially responsible for ourselves; reasonably healthy; plans for our future... Why can't I do this? What is the reason I keep stuffing food when I'm not even hungry? Why do I think about food all the time? Eating this way makes me feel awful; not only physically but mentally too. It's taking my zest for life away. I want it back... I use to be a very passionate person.. loving life; staying busy; working hard; playing... Where did I go? Oh, if you are planning on responding to this blog, please don't tell me to just stop feeling sorry for myself. I know I'm doing that... and I don't know how to stop.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DAISYBELL6
    I can't tell you how glad I am to see you blogging again! You did it before, you can do it again. One day at a time as they say. Keep Sparking, don't stop for anything. You can do it!

    emoticon
    4149 days ago
  • LINDA25427
    I just got on a friend of mine he was running himself down and making condescending remarks about himself like I guess I'll have to try out for ole St. Nick with this blubber and really putting himself down I spoke up and told him I didn't want to hear him run himself down again like that it was upsetting .
    It's not what you look like now but what you are going to do about it that counts .Baby steps -- focus -- you can do this and next year at this time you will have a different story to tell.I wish you the best on this journey to a healthier -- happier - thinner lifestyle . Good luck . Good bless. emoticon emoticon and remember you are worth it .
    4150 days ago
  • JHOPPER
    Annie - hope you're able to shake off that frame of mind and focus on the positives in your life. On N.Y. Eve we had a party here and I gave away all the goodies as folks left to get the temptation out of here! All but a red velvet bundt cake no one wanted and doggone it - ate two pieces yesterday! Throwing it out today and NO MORE! I will take control of my decisions and you can, too!!

    Why don't you look into the Biggest Loser Challenge that is about to begin? I have done that for two rounds now and it really jump started my weight loss. I think sign ups are next week. It got me off my butt and exercising, as well as watching my diet and water intake.
    4150 days ago
  • BORROWEDANGEL1
    I totally understand the way you feel. I had those same feelings when I started on my journey, but I did what Kendall suggested.. I decided to treat myself as if I was my best friend.. I knew I didn't talk to my best friend like she was worth nothing.. soo I decided to stop with the negative thoughts.

    It's a starting point, and one that takes some getting use to. Believe in yourself, trust yourself to do better with each passing day.. but most of all, let go of the 'I'm not worth it' mood.. Give yourself permission to LOVE yourself!!

    Stay Strong & God Bless,
    emoticon
    4150 days ago
  • NURSESUSIE51
    You are NOT alone. Reaching out is the best thing you can do! Yesterday afternoon while eating some leftover Christmas fudge, I just wanted to yell at myself "STOP". I know people say take one day at a time, but honestly I think I'm going to have to take one hour at a time and pray I can get through each one. I can live an hour without a piece of fudge, or cookie, or whatever is in front of me. This sounds easy, but I know it's not going to be. But it IS important for all the reasons you mentioned....especially your own well being.

    Good Luck!!
    4150 days ago
  • LKWQUILTER
    I know what you mean as I am doing the same thing. As I ate my breakfast this morning I wondered why I had to have a cookie along with my oatmeal. I didn't need it, just passed it and grabbed one and it was gone before I knew it. Others did give some good advice and I am going to try and see if it works for me. Just don't give up--just keep on keeping on.
    4150 days ago
  • MARLOU4
    You sound like me! I simply can't deal with cold dark dreary winter days. I have diagnosed myself with SAD (seasonal adjustment disorder) and the only thing that helps me is to get up every winter day and turn on a lot of light in the house look at the calendar and know that Spring is just around the corner for both of us.
    4150 days ago
  • TOOTZ480
    Hi! I just read your blog and at times I feel the same way. I'm retired and didn't do very well last year but am looking forward to sparking again this year. One of the teams I joined...has for this month to write why I should pamper myself each day this month. This isn't an easy journey, but together we can make it happen in 2010. One thing you could try is to give yourself a positive pep talk each day it works for me. We all are here to help each other so just huddle and ask for help. emoticon
    4150 days ago
  • KENDALL7261
    It is hard to change inside the head dialogue but you can! Try to be more gentle with yourself. Congratulate your body on doing its job! Our worst enemy is ourselves. Try to embrace the beautiful woman you are. Regardless of the number on the scale, you are lovely just the way you are!
    Be kinder to yourself, change the inner dialogue tape to a more loving one. Don't allow yourself to speak meanly to you!

    4150 days ago
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