Here I Sit
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Here I sit... January 2, 2010 and still FAT! I use that word to describe the way I feel; the way I look; the attitude I have! I'm good for nothing these cold, winter days. My motivation is at an all-time low; my hope for a healthier future is lost for now; God keeps on giving and giving me more time to make better decisions. I want to do it for him ! I want to do this for my significant other so I can be a joy in his life instead of a drag. I want to do this for my children so I can feel like keeping up with them. I want to do this for my grandchildren so I can get in the floor with them; laugh with them; love them and care for them the way they should be. Isn't it odd that I find myself listing ME last? Isn't that the way it's always been? Mothering has always come first but now my children are all grown and on their own while mothering their own children. My grandchildren are happy and at peace in their world with parents who love them and take wonderful care of them. My significant other is whole, healthy and waiting for me to enjoy life with him. We have a beautiful home; children who care about us both; retired life to begin enjoying now; financially responsible for ourselves; reasonably healthy; plans for our future... Why can't I do this? What is the reason I keep stuffing food when I'm not even hungry? Why do I think about food all the time? Eating this way makes me feel awful; not only physically but mentally too. It's taking my zest for life away. I want it back... I use to be a very passionate person.. loving life; staying busy; working hard; playing... Where did I go? Oh, if you are planning on responding to this blog, please don't tell me to just stop feeling sorry for myself. I know I'm doing that... and I don't know how to stop.