Today, I Prevailed.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I was about to go on another epic binge..stressed..hateful towards myself..thinking about how I was going to get rid of it later. There was no reason this time, really. I was just hungry, and I thought that I might as well just give up.
So, I did eat a lot of food. 15 Crackers. Ham and Lettuce Sandwich. Chocolate syrup (don't ask me why). I was about to keep going, just getting angrier and angrier at myself as I ate, yet somehow more comforted. That stupid cycle everyone hates. It came in the form of cinnamon toast, loaded up with an excessive amount of butter and way more sugar than one would ever need.
I still remember the hunger I felt; the sickening hunger that I knew, in my heart, was just an emotional cavity that yearned to be filled.
But I stopped. I thought. I looked at my toast. I went through what I had already eaten, which was approximately 520 calories..not over my limit for the day, not too late to STOP.
So I did just that.
I mustered up some will-power, crumpled up that disgusting toast, and slam-dunked it into the trash.
...and I realized how full I was. Really, actually, full.
No longer sickeningly hungry for that comfort.
No doubt, if I had eaten that toast, I'd still be in the kitchen, eating three days' worth of calories, tempted to relapse back to purging.
BUT I PREVAILED :)