I had that colonoscopy I'd been dreading yesterday. Turns out there was good reason for one...
The last time was almost 4 years ago, and there was one "large" intact polyp, about 5mm, which they removed and biopsied-- it was benign. I thought, I'm glad that's over.
This time there were two. The first one was half the size of last time, about 2mm. Gone, no sweat. The second... was 30 x 35mm, ulcerated, and the doctor suspected cancer so he only removed 85% of it: he couldn't risk removing it all without possibly causing it to spread. So now, I get to wait on the pathology report to find out whether I get to have another colonoscopy/polypectomy to remove the rest, or whether I get to have surgery to remove the affected portion of my intestines.
Definitely time to pull out all the stops! When I found out about the advanced chronic kidney disease and the possibility of death, it scared me but made me re-assess my directions in life.
I think in some way we draw to ourselves the circumstances that we find ourselves in, the circumstances that help us grow if we let them... and we have the ability to turn things around by our attitudes and beliefs-- in who and what we are and are becoming...
I'm a little scared, but I've already faced my own mortality once, and made the decision to live life to the fullest no matter what happens. I may not always like the direction things take me (witness my current marriage status--and the fact that we may be moving again! LOL) but I can take in the lessons along the way, and life can still be joyful.
I'm definitely into joy. To me it is the definition of life, and that's the greatest gift we've been given.
I'd ask you all to wish me luck... but good wishes aside, I plan on making my own, and from here on out it's all good! LOL