I went to that doctor's appointment this morning, and was told that I have colon cancer.
Just judging from what the doctor had said in the colonoscopy recovery room, I was expecting bad news, but I was kind of surprised that I wasn't more upset. Get this: They checked my blood pressure while I was there. It was 120/72. Hm. LOL
I've been thinking about all the things that have happened over the past several years: multiple car accidents, diabetes, blindness (temporary but still scary! LOL), high blood pressure and chronic kidney disease, fibromyalgia, gall bladder issues, sleep apnea... now this. And I thought back to when I was in my twenties, young and healthy and eager--and at peace with my world. Nothing could touch me back then, because all young people face life as though they were immortal.
I hadn't faced mortality.
It may seem odd, but I just had that feeling come over me like a beam of sunshine breaking through the clouds. A warm, comforting sensation of freedom. I am at peace once again. It's all going to be fine.
Practicality says I'm headed for a contrast cat scan Friday, followed by consultations with an oncologist and surgeon, to be followed by surgery and a short hospital stay and the possibility of chemotherapy... and oddly enough the only thing that's bothering me is how dry my throat gets under anesthesia! LOL
It's odd at this stage in life, having to face my own mortality once more-- I'm suddenly even more convinced of my own immortality. The energy of life does not end, it just changes form, and I'm told that every single cell of our body is replaced over a period of two years.
So it's time for more than one kind of change.
My mother always told me I was the stubborn one in the family, and here is where being stubborn gets fun. I'm going to re-create myself, one way or another-- just wait and see!
Anything is possible!
To quote Peter Jackson's Bilbo Baggins- 'I think I'm QUITE ready for another adventure!'
And I'm going to celebrate my life--starting now!