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Today Was Easier Than Expected...

Thursday, May 06, 2010

I went to that doctor's appointment this morning, and was told that I have colon cancer.


Just judging from what the doctor had said in the colonoscopy recovery room, I was expecting bad news, but I was kind of surprised that I wasn't more upset. Get this: They checked my blood pressure while I was there. It was 120/72. Hm. LOL

I've been thinking about all the things that have happened over the past several years: multiple car accidents, diabetes, blindness (temporary but still scary! LOL), high blood pressure and chronic kidney disease, fibromyalgia, gall bladder issues, sleep apnea... now this. And I thought back to when I was in my twenties, young and healthy and eager--and at peace with my world. Nothing could touch me back then, because all young people face life as though they were immortal.

I hadn't faced mortality.

It may seem odd, but I just had that feeling come over me like a beam of sunshine breaking through the clouds. A warm, comforting sensation of freedom. I am at peace once again. It's all going to be fine.

Practicality says I'm headed for a contrast cat scan Friday, followed by consultations with an oncologist and surgeon, to be followed by surgery and a short hospital stay and the possibility of chemotherapy... and oddly enough the only thing that's bothering me is how dry my throat gets under anesthesia! LOL

It's odd at this stage in life, having to face my own mortality once more-- I'm suddenly even more convinced of my own immortality. The energy of life does not end, it just changes form, and I'm told that every single cell of our body is replaced over a period of two years.

So it's time for more than one kind of change.

My mother always told me I was the stubborn one in the family, and here is where being stubborn gets fun. I'm going to re-create myself, one way or another-- just wait and see!

Anything is possible!

To quote Peter Jackson's Bilbo Baggins- 'I think I'm QUITE ready for another adventure!'
And I'm going to celebrate my life--starting now!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You always have such a positive outlook. I am sorry that you are having to go through this, but I am very glad that you aren't letting it run or ruin your life.

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers
    4093 days ago
    Sweetie, i will pray that a easy time
    come from your lateness problem.My
    dad just finished his treatments and
    doing really good.Thanks for the big
    advice of checking other forums they
    did have one that covered the question
    of the very thing. emoticon
    4096 days ago
  • NULIFE2007
    Hi Kathy

    Its about time you were accepted for SS emoticon and from reading your blog your frame of mind is in the right place. I am adding you to my prayer list and sending you emoticon and emoticon and from hereon out may only good things come your way. God Bless You.
    4098 days ago
  • SHERRY257
    Kathy, I am praying for you and send you all good wishes. Keep up the good attitude.I know you can kick anything! Let me know if there is anything I can do. Glad you won the SS case! emoticon
    4098 days ago
    Yea-that soc.sec. came through.
    Sorry for diagnoses.
    I know it's alot to swallow.....
    I am so, so, sorry.....
    4099 days ago
    Well the news about the SS is fantastic Kathy and hurrah for you!!! emoticon The news about the colon cancer is a step back but it's certainly not the end of the road. May I tell you... my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer on 9/11 amidst all the other tragedy the nation was facing and by the 27th of that month she'd had the surgery to remove all but a very small portion of her colon (to prevent the need of a colostomy). At first there was the talk of oncologists and radiology because she had, literally, gazillions of pollops in her colon and they were certain it had to have spread elsewhere but when they did the operation they found that it had not. She was safe.

    She is tested regularly and is, to this day, cancer free. There's never an end to hope m'dear. Until the moment they say "it's over, we can do no more" there is no end, no finish. It's wonderful that you are at peace and it's fantastic that you're accepting and calm with the situation but please don't be complacant with it too. There's still such hope and possibility for you. I know and feel this so deeply in my heart and soul. "Seeing" you well and sending you healing energy is only the beginning. HUGE HUG!!!!

    There's an organization here in Missouri called Show Me A Cure that helps people who've been diagnosed with cancer with small grants to deal with some of their expenses. There may be such an organization where you live too. That might be worth looking into. Any help is good help and the less you have to be concerned with while you heal the more time you have to concentrate on getting well.

    Tons of hugs and prayers for you Kathy. I'm hoping all goes your way soon. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4099 days ago
    Two things stand out to me in this blog: 1) you state "I am at peace once again. It's all going to be fine" and 2) "I'm going to re-create myself".

    I am so impressed by you. The fact that you are at peace and you already know that you will fine does show that you have ALREADY RE-CREATED yourself. You just need to keep doing what you are doing!

    You have found that you only need to worry about things that are in your control. Your mental being is in your control and you have chosen to take a positive mental attitude. You are focused on the positive - you are sure things will be fine - you are determined to get through this - and where you feel you need help from friends, you have asked.

    YOU ROCK. You will be fine. You will come through this as even a stronger and more amazing person than you are now!

    My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you. Thank you for keeping us posted as you kick this cancer in it's *^&%!!!
    4099 days ago
    My heart and prayers go out to you Kathy, as you climb another mountain in your lifes travels. You are so brave (or numb) from all that you have gone through. I admire your positive attitude and all your successes. You are one strong woman. A warrior woman that won't stop until you slay the dragon. I am walking the RACE FOR THE CURE today and will include you in my dedication. I pray that the surgery will go well, that you will have minimal chemo (just enough to do the job) and that you will maintain your energy to fight this dread disease. Big Hugs sweets, remember that we are here for you and God will be looking over you all the way.
    Take good care and get back to us as soon as you can with more beautiful writing of your adventure.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4099 days ago
    Kathy, Good news about your SS awards to you, but sorry to hear about the cancer. Prayers are coming your way, and keep that great postive attitude!! emoticon
    4099 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear of this latest in the list, but I do admire you attitude and the way you embrace all the challenges you face.

    My thoughts will be will you.........
    4100 days ago
  • VXWALL1942
    How beautifully you express the feelings you are having. I am shaken by the news that my friend must face yet another of life's major challenges. Keep your spirit as it is beautiful and part of your strength. When my daughter was having chemo and radiotherapy she was intent on making everyone in the waiting room smile. It did wonders for the others there and gave her a focus at the same time. God bless and keep you dear Kathy.

    vicki emoticon
    4101 days ago
    Thoughts, prayers, and much energy to you!! A big part of the treatment is mentality so keep the strong attitude and you will beat it!! God bless!
    4101 days ago
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