I've been doing a lot of thinking about my life lately.
What is it that I live for?
Honestly, I'm not sure anymore. It seems that all I've been thinking about is school. More school. Exercise. Starting over my healthy diet after binges. Self disgust. Attempting to aim for self love. Attempting to overcome my ED. Avoiding binges. More healthy food.
But, what about health?
Yes, I said I've been thinking about diet/exercise. But long term health? And mental happiness? I think about it, yes. I dream about it as a far away friend that seems so lost in the depths of the future. I fantasize about buying ONLY the food I want, and exercising WHENEVER I want when I move out of my parents' house next year...I fantasize about one day being a "super mom" who just fixes everything and has the perfect life and manages to get in exercise at the crack of dawn and convinces everyone in her family to eat healthy along with her.
Well, maybe that's a stretch. ;)
But, before long term health can take place, I need to learn to take smaller steps, and think more about TODAY instead of a decade from now, or even next year when I will be living on my own. It's time to begin being happy, RIGHT NOW.
So, what can I do, TODAY?
-I can clean my room, and make my parents happy by doing little, random chores that they didn't ask me to, to prevent family conflicts that make me resort to emotional eating.
-I can stop procrastinating on my big school assignments, and break them down into littler, less daunting tasks so I will prevent myself from becoming overwhelmed and, AGAIN, resorting to emotional eating.
-I can take walks, bike rides, and go to the gym during study breaks.
-I can combine my healthy foods with the unhealthy foods that my parents make for dinner in MODERATION, once again to prevent family conflicts.
-I can practice positive self talk in the mirror, so I can learn to LOVE myself.
-I can photograph and record my world and my life, TODAY, so someday, when everything changes, I can know what it's like to be the old me..and still appreciate the present along the way. (Besides, I've discovered that photography is FAR more comforting, and rewarding, than bingeing on food.)
-I can pick up on more comforting hobbies (like photography) that I let slip away... Oh Tennis/Badminton/Swimming/Scra
pbooking/Writing.. How I miss those hobbies. I let my obsession with food take their place. Never again, starting TODAY.
Those are the things I can do TODAY.
Too long have I been making the ever-persistent excuse that "oh, I'll be able to be healthy once I move out."
Too long have I been stuck in the future, and letting the present slip away into regrets.
I'm done, so I can begin..once again.
A shot of my world...
...the world, the present, is what I need to appreciate, TODAY.
I've discovered my place.
So now, think: What can YOU do, TODAY?