God answers prayer
Monday, September 27, 2010
I've have tried to lose weight for years (decades), without success, because, I kept going back to old patterns.. But that whole time, through all the pain, I have been praying. I have seen that my willpower is just not enough; I need help to unravel the problem.
Over a long period of time, I began to change. For example, I gave up sugar a year ago, realizing that it was unhealthy for me. I still didn't lose weight.
My breakthrough came in August... for the first time in my life, I realized that I could still love myself (just as I would another person) even though I was overweight. Until that time, I had not accepted/loved myself because I wasn't perfect. How this made a difference, is huge! In my case, not accepting or loving myself, meant I always felt unworthy of success. I lost weight over and over, only to regain it all.. Once I lost 25 lbs, another time, 20 lbs.. only to then eat and eat pretty well nonstop until every last pound was back on. why?!! I tormented myself with this question through my tears.. the truth is, the new me just didn't feel right somehow, and with every pound I gained back, I felt more comfortable, more myself..
I knew then, that for me, this was all a mental block of some kind. I kept praying and I truly do believe that there are some problems so deep in our minds, that we can't solve them ourselves.
Then, as I say, in August, I was sitting outside on the porch, and it occurred to me that I could accept myself as a person, even though I didn't have the body,willpower etc.. that I wanted. I felt 'whole' for the first time and I do believe that all this time, God was working out all the changes in my mind that led to that day.
In September, I stumbled on Sparkpeople (I don't believe in coincedences!) and immediately started. Having given up the sugar last year, I find that this program is easy to stay on.. having said to myself 'I love me anyway' has given me success.. you see, I am not on this diet because I am unacceptable this way, I am on it only to improve myself. :-) It might sound like a small difference, but in my mind the difference is huge. I am having success and find I have unbelievable willpower now, because finally, I am 'worthy' of success..