Thursday, December 09, 2010
In the beginning, it is so easy to diet, at least for me. I can eat 900 calories a day and feel just fine and dandy and think it is so hard to even get to the required 1200 calories. I think, why did I ever need chocolate chips on my frozen yogurt and I can't believe I once thought I needed to eat a whole apple, not half an apple. That lasts for about a month - I lose weight, I feel good.
Then month two rolls around when I realize that I actually lose more weight by eating 1200 calories a day than I did at 900 calories a day. I drink a glass of wine once in a while, I eat half a tablespoon of chocolate chips on my frozen yogurt and think "oh why did I ever need more". I lose more weight, people start to notice.
Month three rolls around and I still maintain around 1200 calories a day, I lose a little more slowly, but i lose. I fit into all my small clothes, my weight gets respectably low. I want to eat more but i'm desperately afraid of gaining it back. I keep going.
Month four and I want yellows in my eggs, I want peanut butter, I want cookies. I'm hungry and I want to eat. I tell myself, two more pounds, lose two more pounds and you can start eating 1500 calories a day and that will mean a cookie now and then, maybe even two glasses of wine some days, peanut butter!
Oh our troubled food relationships, and how they manifest as we try to take control. Crazy how I pride myself on being a great, truly effective dieter. Crazy how I weigh 122 pounds right now, and am wearing size 26 jeans and an extra small shirt and how badly I want to be under 120, even though I know I don't need to be and it won't last.
One more week until vacation, and then I'll take a break.