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When You Heard Thunder, There Might Be Lightening

Saturday, February 26, 2011

As a little girl I was known as Tuffy for my cocky attitude and tomboy behavior . . . always a diva though. The cocky don't mess with me girl who wanted her hair to look good and her clothes to match. The tomboy who would climb a tree in a dress and black patent leather shoes and swing upside down from the branch without a care that her panties were showing. . . they were clean and they did match my dress. AND I was six.

I ran, biked, roller skated, swam, played every kind of ball game you can think of with the other kids in the apartment complex every day. Jump roped, played jacks, hopscotch, climbed the monkey bars and basically knew no fear or limits to what I could do.

In my adolescence my thighs, hips and 'the girls' started getting fuller earlier than most of my friends. I was the curvy girl and I really didn't feel comfortable in that body. It bounced, wiggled and giggled in ways that felt weird when I ran, skipped or hopped. I still climbed trees, swam and skated but my body felt different.

Sometime around 7th grade I started being referred to as Thunder Thighs. This was not a welcomed attention to a part of my body I was self conscious about. I didn't want to be the curvy girl. I didn't like the way guys looked at me or talked about my thighs. I just wanted to be the tomboy girl who liked to fish and wear pink at the same time. We had also moved at that time so the guys I had grown up with were not around. I felt very uncomfortable.

Yesterday, during my Boom Boom Pow workout was the first time I felt comfortable with the idea of having thunder thighs. My legs felt strong and firm. Not giggly. I felt a definite kaBoom kinda repercussion when I walked. Not a sexy sultry hip swing. I powerful solid BAM as I stepped. I smiled, not at how my legs looked, but about how I FELT about my legs. A new appreciation for the body I have. A new acceptance for who I was created to be. It felt good. Very good.

In my excitement I wanted to celebrate that moment and share that energy with my friends on Spark and on FB. I posted my Thunder Thighs workout with all of it's bravado and cockiness. Later that evening those words would be read aloud to an audience they were not intended for and framed totally out of context and presented in a forum that was not appropriate to be talking about my thighs. There was a feeling of shame like I had been caught moonlighting as a topless dancer exhibiting my 'goods' on the internet.

I was saddened to my core that a 'friend' has chosen to use my words, out of context, to make himself the center of conversation. I came home and cried the hardest tears I have cried in a long time. I felt violated and 'exposed'. Once again I feel like I am an outsider and my focus on my health and fitness makes others uncomfortable. It is not I who draws attention to that difference, it is others who point out what I am or am not doing.

Even though I am saddened, I am not down, I am not out and I am on a mission and I will not stop or be stopped. So, when you hear the Boom, Boom, Pow you can choose to celebrate with me all the glorious power of a storm or be prepared to struck out of my way. This storm is rolling through.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I don't understand why you friend did that other than to be hurtful. You ROCK, BOOM, BOOM, POW!!
    3750 days ago
  • ROSIE777
    Part of this journey is learning to give yourself the kudos that you rightfully deserve. I am so sorry that some people are cruel just to be on the spot light. emoticon You are AWESOME my sweet friend & don't let anyone get you down.
    ¸¸.•´¸.•*¨) ♥¸.•*¨)† Many Blessings, Rosie
    (¸.•´ .♥ (¸.•´ .♥ (¸.•*´¨`* ♥☆¸.•*´¨`*♥☆

    3757 days ago
    I heard my mom once say "consider the source." This was obviously a person with "issues."

    I will choose to celebrate with you!!

    emoticon Kelli
    3757 days ago
    Mean people suck!
    3757 days ago
  • WREN67
    I'm so sorry to hear. Certainly not a 'friend'.
    You're a wonderful, fantastic person with a sparkling bright light shining through every pore of your skin! Don't ever, ever let someone make you feel badly again!
    3758 days ago
    Some people are dumba$$es!!! emoticon
    3758 days ago
    So sorry that happened! I love your blogs and the inspiration that you give to all. Give a little lightening and little thunder! Blow through like a twister!!! emoticon
    3759 days ago
    People who feel insecure or intimidated sometimes do things make others feel smaller. Don't worry about it girl. I am encouraged by your blogs and your journey. Keep up the good work. It is ok to feel powerful and feminine. emoticon
    3759 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1425027
    Girl, you are making such great strides in your journey! I hate that happened to you, but you will rise above it all and be much better for it!

    3759 days ago
    3759 days ago
    I heart you Carolyn. I feel blessed to have your presence in my life. It's amazing how hurtful "adults" can be....as long as we live we will probably never understand it. I'm glad you have embraced your legs!
    3759 days ago
    Your blogs about the changes you are making keep me going. Thank you for taking the time to share your journey with those of us who admire what you've accomplished and want to follow in your footsteps, even tho others don't "get it" and try to hurt you with it. I'm so proud of you and talk about my friend, Carolyn (who has accomplished so much) as if we are childhood friends. (I hope you don't mind that.) Keep going Carolyn, I'm so excited to see what the future holds for you!

    3759 days ago
    Whomever that 'friend' was, shame on him. You are AWESOME Carolyn - you are strong and fit and smart and caring, etc etc etc. Screw 'em and keep pushing it hard! You rock girl!
    3760 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8689328
    My Dad gave me the nickname Thunderthighs when I was younger and I hated it.
    3760 days ago
    Whatever his motivation, be it envy, fear, intimidation or just plain ignorance, I'm sorry you felt violated. But I feel sorrier for him because he has lost your trust and respect. Both are worth far more than any fleeting attention he may have received for his actions. Unfortunately for him you can move on without his support. Let the thunder roll!
    3760 days ago
    Sorry that someone violated your words and trust. You are doing a great job and are a motivation to others to do the same. I am glad that you are not letting that violation get you down!
    3760 days ago
    Amen, sista! I'm marching in your army right along with you as you push your way through to what you want! The bigger the obstacles, the hard THEY will fall!!! emoticon
    3761 days ago
    Ok, that guy is not a friend if he's doing stupid immature stuff like that. He's not worth any tears or anymore of your thoughts. You are a huge inspiration and I always know I can come to your page when I need a push in the right direction. I'm sorry he acted like such a jerk!!!!! emoticon
    3761 days ago
    Your Thunderthighs post was such an inspiration! What an immature thing for that man to do, but you are already rising above it! I love your upbeat attitude. Keep on with your Boom Boom Pow!
    3761 days ago
    Pepe le Douche can SUCK IT! You're an awesome person and so inspiring it's crazy. I'm always happy to see your comments on my blog because I figure if you can do it, there's hope for me yet.
    At least you have the satisfaction of knowing that you're a strong, confidant woman.
    Men have no concept of the kind of strength it can take for a woman to focus on a body part they've never liked before and see the greatness in them. He's just an insecure little boy, and I'd be telling him that.
    Frame it as concern. "Honey, I'm really worried for you! What is it that you don't like about yourself so much that you think that pulling other people down will make you feel better?". Make him feel embarrassment for his behaviour, because he SHOULD feel that way!
    You're awesome emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3761 days ago
    What an idiot!! Does he know who you are? You are an amazing example of a strong, powerful woman!! Knock his opinions in the dirt!
    3761 days ago
    Well let me add some KA - POW to your journey! I was on spark and on your page.. and my DH walked by. I was looking in your photo gallery.. and he said wow... is THAT THE SAME WOMAN... seeing some of your pics!

    I then showed him the picture of you on one of your latest blogs (pixie dust one I think) where you have a pic in a cute jeans and shirt that are form fitting..

    MY husband does not hand out compliments to easily... and HE SAID... NO WAY... that is the same woman as the heavier one in the gallery... NO WAY!! SHE LOOKS FANTASTIC!!!

    I said yes.. and was beaming proudly... like he was talking about me.... I am so stinkin' proud of you!
    3761 days ago
    Men will be boys, and unfortunately he was wrong to do that. I am sorry this has happened to you Carolyn. You are strong, fabulous, fierce & strong I am so very grateful to have you as my friend.
    3761 days ago
    You just stand tall and proud and remember all you've accomplished. Childish behavior like that is so sad, especially if it was from someone you considered a friend. I'm so sorry that happened to you! emoticon
    3761 days ago
    Dont let anyone steal your thunder! You have worked hard on those strong legs and I hate that someone tried to take it from you!! There are things I only post on spark, where I feel safe. Man, that is crappy of that dude. You rock on, girl. And remember, behind the thunder comes the lightning!!
    3761 days ago
    You and I are kindred spirits my friend! I was exactly the same gal when I was a kid up until now (cadet all through high school doing pushups..does that tell you anything)... but always the pretty little girl on the outside with matching everything including my panties & socks, but no sooner would my mom turn around and I'm swinging from a rope my brother had from a makeshift treehouse built in those matching cute little outfits. It's too bad that others don't see us for who we are and the wonderful people we have become through blood, guts and glory and not for the crap they believe or their stupid menial minds want to believe. People make me so mad sometimes but you know what, like everyone else, you are BRAVE, BEAUTIFUL, FABULOUS, FIERCE and most of all, you are the PERFECT STORM that will hit with all your might and knock those foolish humans out! Love you! Keep that attitude you have inside and out!

    3761 days ago
    Wow. and Wow to your SF here! Your blog and all the SF answers take one's breath away. You see clearly and have power, this isn't the first evil you must encounter and leave behind. It isn't the last. None of it will matter in the end, you are and will be all that you dream.
    3761 days ago
    I have seen more childish behavior on FB than anywhere else in my adult life. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope that you will be able to go back and embrace that new-found appreciation for the body you were created to be. It is rightfully yours. You've earned it!
    3761 days ago
  • TEMPEST272002
    Breaks my heart that someone would treat you so badly. I loved your Thunder Thighs blog and saw it in the spirit it was intended. I'm contemplating training for a sprint triathalon. How incredible is that? A year ago, YOUR journey so inspired me that I dared to believe that I could learn how to run. Running changed me in so many ways and now I'm daring to dream even bigger. You don't even know me, but your spark, your positive energy, your willingness to share your journey had a profound affect on my life. Don't let that guy's bad behaviour make you feel less than you are. You know you rock!

    3761 days ago
    I am so disheartened each time I am given cause to remember that just because we are well into adulthood, the antics and drama of adolescent behavior are still rampant, try so hard as we may to avoid those types altogether. It is why I do not facebook a great deal. I am so sorry that you were victimized by someone you trusted to some degree, who obviously needed an attention fix whatever the cost. I hurt for the hurt you suffered, but rejoice in the strength and truth that is you...that is yours, and am so glad you are claiming that truth and powering through the muck and mire. I hope whatever shame you felt was/is very short lived. Take a moment to think about the countless lives your story, your soul, your spirit, and your thighs have inspired to initiate change of their own. Think about all of us who now are beinning to "live" instead of exist, having been spurred forth by an example too powerful to ignore! Yes, lightning is only a brief flash in the pan...but thunder...thunder is mighty and echoes gracefully on and on..and on! Love you girl! emoticon
    3761 days ago
    chin up! you've got a very important weekend coming up!!! :)
    3761 days ago
    Carolyn, my dear one, you once told me that those people who choose to not walk with us and tear us down are ones to be left behind. Yes, it hurts and it is like a terrible punch in the gut, but your spirit is strong and fierce! Your storm is rising! Reminds me of Storm when she rises in her wind, her hair blowing, eyes blazing...ready for battle!
    Bring it!! emoticon
    3761 days ago
    Who would do that?? Was he 12?? People are so ignorant!! We LOVE you (even those of us who haven't met you yet!!) and we would NEVER put you down, or allow anyone else to either!! emoticon
    3761 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6388650
    I can so totally relate!!! I was called thunder thighs when I was like in grade 9,I felt totally humiliated!!! Now that i'm actually doing something about my weight (ST,HIIT workouts,running) I am starting to accept my body for what it can do rather than what it looks like.
    I am sad that there are people out there who like to twist things so they can get attention.
    Keep your chin up!!! You are doing great things!!!
    3761 days ago
    when I was 11... and 5'9" and 130lbs.. I was running with boys.. doing what I always did.. climbing trees.. running.. playing ball.. wrestling.. when one of our "king of the hill" games ended with a boy sitting on top of me with the weirdest look on his face.. my shirt had come up and my bra was displayed.. and suddenly everyone stopped and just stared.. i threw the kid off got up.. we all looked at each other with different eyes and I ran home crying to my mom... things were never ever the same again.. ever..

    i read your blog yesterday for the powerful feeling that came with it.. the jubilation in the power of your body and the things you can do now.. I'm sorry that someone else used it out of context.. but I'm glad you're not giving up your POWER!!
    3761 days ago
  • JLITT62
    It's very sad that someone would do that to you, but I suppose now you really know what they're like & it's their loss.
    3761 days ago
    You KEEP on a ROLLING and DON'T STOP cos of others ! You CELEBRATE WHO you are !! Dang it on others !!! You be WHO you are !!! your doing GR8 ! Don't EVAH let others hurt you or STOP you from the PROGRESS your making !!! Keep going FORWARD !!!!! Love it !
    3761 days ago
    I admire you. Your success story was the first I found here on Spark, and I was fascinated with your journey. Like you, my self esteem grows with every new insight during my journey. Sure, words hurt, but you can learn a lesson in there. Other people do not define you, you define you! I love how you keep on keepin on!
    3761 days ago
    All I have to say is that I'm PROUD of you, thighs and all. emoticon
    3761 days ago
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