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Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Ok, so getting my blog for today done. Today was one of those " I can't get out of my own way today" days. Don't know what is making me feel this way, but there I have it, I just feel bitchy. Didn't help that I then was searching through pictures we have and all I could see is how very fat I am. I'm disgusted with myself. In my head I am never as big as the pictures prove I am. And yet, the first thing it makes me want to do it eat. And eat alot. I was already in a "mood" before I started the picture search, looking at pictures made it worse. I just want to scream, I want to scream, I want to scream. Sometime the frustration just gets to me. I remember the days when I was addicted to exercise and not food. I weighed all of 110lbs and went to the gym 6-7 times a weeks, for hours at a time. I feel like I should be able to switch back to that addiction. It certainly was healthier. I'd rather have to learn how to balance how much exercise I do and not how much food I have to eat. Shouldn't there just be a little switch somewhere in our brain we can flip? It seems to have flipped easy enough the other way. I know I didn't put it on overnight, and I know I can't take it off overnight. If it were that simple, as they say, then we would all be thin. I need patience. It's days like this that I really should be writing down all my blessings instead of my complaints. Just can't get out of my own way. Maybe I'll jump back on the treadmill. It will be alot better for me than the binge that is threatening me. The good news is I have no junk for at all in the house. The bad news is, when you really want to eat bad, you find a way. So, I think I'll go get on the treadmill for a second time today and work of some of this frustration.
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