Ultra super secret ways of self sabotage. Lesson 1.
Friday, July 29, 2011
I broke one of the major rules a few days back. No, I don't meant bent or gently pulled until it screamed for mercy. I mean, flat out broke it until no amount of super glue was putting it back together.
Wish that I could tell you that it wasn't really my fault. That I was set up. Tricked. Lead into some kind of ninja trap. But that wouldn't be the truth of the matter. The truth is, once I realized the situation, I knew I was gonna break that rule. I choose not to do anything about it, because I thought maybe this one time it wouldn't apply to me. Yeah, I know. Har har.
If we come down to a matter of circumstances, it is likely similiar why anyone breaks this certain rule. Because life gets busy and we don't find the time. It's not that we don't have the time to begin with, but that we fail to make the time for what is going to be important to us. Like ourselves.
Because of circumstances beyond my control, I was majorly late getting to my sisters. I had neglected to eat dinner or much of anything since we tend to eat when we were together, and thought I'd just make myself wait. However, what was not being taken into account was the errands we needed to run and the hours passed dinner time we'd be if we did that plan. Which we did.
Three hours later with my stomach growling all kinds of things I am sure don't belong in a public blog.. the prospect of going the 15 minutes back to her apartment and waiting another half hour to cook dinner was not gonna happen. That plan was out. We both agreed it needed to be something fairly quick, but not bad on the health front.
This my friends, is the ubar sekert way we self sabotage ourselves. We set ourselves up to fail before we've really begun. How twisted is that?
Now, what I could have and should have done, is pull into the grocery store next door. Grabbed a couple of bananas, string cheese and water. Had that for a snack until we could get home, and planned out a better meal.
As it was, we were driving down the roads half starved, with a line of fast food joints quickly passing by. Which like grocery shopping, is so dangerous to do when you are passed the point of hungry. Cause hungry + rational decisions as we all know don't always go together.
Thankfully somewhere inside, my sanity still clung on by a thread. I heard myself say "sweet tomatoes" which is a salad bar around these parts. Luckily she agreed and off we went. Now, with everything else we could have had, this was probably the best option for us at the time. It was not the best option over all. As it was, I knew with salad as my choice I'd be spending more calories than I originally planned on dinner. For some of you who are quirking your brow at this, it boils down to two words. Ranch Dressing.
I didn't go overboard, but I had a good amount. This was balanced out by the mile high plate of spinach, onions, lettuce, shredded butternut squash, black olives, sunflower seeds and a tiny spattering of raisins. It was delicious. I did also indulge in a small amount of frozen yogurt and one of the brownie muffins.
It wasn't a bad meal all things considered. But if you would have asked me earlier in the day if I wanted to spend my calories/points this way, I would have told you no. It wouldn't have been worth it when something better, and cheaper was waiting at home. If you would have asked me if I wanted to go kill it to Jillian that night with 5 pound weights ( the 3's were at my house) because I choose to indulge in that kind of dessert, I would have told you that I was gonna pass.
But that is exactly what happened. I let myself be thrown under the bus, then tried to crawl out with the minimal amount of damage. First lesson. Start of this journey, middle or end, it doesn't change. You have to make time for yourself and for your needs. Putting ourselves last is exactly how all of us got here to start with. And if we don't want to go back, we've got to remember that.