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Interesting Poll I just took, "Is Your spouse supportive of your weight loss decisions."

Monday, March 12, 2012

Although this may not have been the exact title of the poll, it won't be difficult to find if you would like to take it also. Supportive, or not supportive?? My answer was NO WITHOUT HESITATION. He is supportive in the beginning, when my weight is at it's peak, with that oh so familiar, "what ever you want babe, but you know I love you just the way you are."

This wife has a thought about that comment of his, that should "touch my heart," I think. That thought is Reallllyyyyy, do you now? Truly so??? It's so odd that when I was at 170 lbs. there was no intimacy what so ever~that was nearly two years ago, and we'd not been imtimate for at least a year prior that. Sure thought weight loss might help in that area, but certainly NOT WHY I LOST WEIGHT. That I WAS DOING FOR ME, AND FOR MY HEALTH. He sure missed out~ LOL! As most of my close friends on Spark know, following an accident in June of 2010, my weight began to climb, with lack of mobility and the inability to exercise at all. Dr. ordered and still so to this day.

We are beginning a bit of very light core strengthening in physical therapy, and when I say light, I mean really light. Am getting to do 15 minutes on the treadmill or the new step also twice a week, both also at what I call turtle pace, but hey it's a start~ emoticon. This I will not share with my husband, as he will begin his rig-a-ramaro of, "you are just fine the way you are babe." This so isn't about weight loss right now, it's about being able to walk without pain in my neck and spine. It's about getting back to as normal as "normal" will be for me, with spinal cord trauma, as well as spinal injuries, that will be present for the rest of my life.

Stars oh mighty he doesn't even live here any longer! Lives and works 300-400 miles from home, only visiting long enough to take for trips to neurologist out of state, and there's still no intimacy what so ever. Am I whining about that? Maybe. Possibly feeling unworthy more than anything, yet on the flip side, it sure saves on bedding washing~ LOL emoticon

Tis an interesting cycle though, as weight starts coming off, and I'm feeling better and better about myself, his insecurities are on the rise....with regular text messages wondering if my boyfriend has been by yet, or if he might be interupting something. Just shaking my head. I've been known not to reply to those rediculous notes, and without delay 10 minutes later the "duplicate" message arrives, again to be ignored. That is when the cell phone rings. Insecure MUCH! He doesn't want me passionately, but sure as heck would lose his mind if another man did!

Yes that was an interesting poll. Certainly brought much to the surface that has been blanketed in my subconscious. His gaging actions when my daughter and I are home making our steamed/grilled oven top veggies is a bit over the top. "What ever you want babe." Ummmm-hummmm, as long as the house is aired out just right, and his text messages are answered quick~if "boyfriend" is mentioned in them. Isn't the most insecure one, the one who is usually actually guilty themselves (in a marriage)??? Just a thought. Wondering, truly so what anybody and everybody else thinks. It's a ho-hum thought in the middle of the night. Not something that is nagging or eating at the core of my soul. Just a thought, after taking a very interesting poll.

Much Love To Alllllll~
~Diane~ emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD10752350
    Diane, first of all let me applaude that you are getting more active according to doctors orders. You don't want to do anything to set you back, Just keep looking forward and upward. Don't you just feel so much better with using your body more? I know that I do.

    I was sick for three months and could not exercise and just started back last Thursday and today is my seventh day of walking one mile per day and I feel like I have climbed Mount Everest. You go girl.

    Now, about men.

    They really are rare creatures aren't they/

    I have been married three times. The first one died and the next two I divorced.

    I think from my own experience with husbands that when their own wife starts making changes in her own life, personal changes especially like losing weight they get scared.

    I think he gets scared because then his comfort zone with you is disturbed and he doesn't want to make any changes to go along with your changes.

    He is happy with you just the way you are.

    After all, if you yourself stay they way you are then he can stay the way he is LOL.

    I don't think he understands at all how good it feels to exercise and use your body and to be moving and able to be active and walk and run and move without being hindered by being too big and certain parts of your body getting in the way.

    He is hoping to talk you out of losing weight and exercising because then more will be demanded of him if you get my drift, like a better sex life????!!!!

    He must really be insecure and the only way to fight that is to love him, love him to death LOL.

    Love him anyway that Holy Spirit shows you how to love him.

    Love really does over come any and all obstacles.

    So, please do all things with love as your reason for doing all that you do.

    You love and care for yourself so of course you want to exercise and lose weight.

    Only you know your hubby and the best way to love him out of his insecurities.

    Our Lord will show you how to accomplish the growing and making better your marriage through love and caring.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3405 days ago
  • WARMSPRINGDAY
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    3416 days ago
  • BUDDYSMYFRIEND
    I feel bad for you that your husband is non-supportive in your weight loss efforts, particularly when it's so health oriented. I'm so glad you see through the BS and continue to do this for yourself.

    Your post reminded me to go say Thank You to my own husband, who has been very helpful and encouraging as I'm on my own weight-loss journey.

    Wishing you all the best!
    3416 days ago
  • LVZ617
    I am so glad to hear of your progress in PT. Don't judge yourself by your abilities 5 or 10 years ago. Think about how far you have come since the accident.

    My husband keeps saying he needs to lose weight, which he does, but not as much as me. He does the extremes - a 12 hour fast each day, with vegetables and lean protein for the rest of the day. After 2-3 days of this, he starts drinking a bottle of wine in the evening.

    It must be very difficult to have such a long distance relationship. I know I would feel insecure if my husband kept asking me about a boyfriend.

    The most important thing you have to do is take care of yourself, so do that first and foremost.

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    Lynne
    3418 days ago
  • HISFREESPIRIT
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    3421 days ago
  • CHEPRBYTHEDOZN
    That is alot to ponder...I have heard oftentimes that the guilty one is one who is demanding/protective/insecure. I surely hope that is NOT the case with you ,Diane. You deserve the very best of everything. You've got the biggest heart and sweetest personality of all my sparkfriends.
    I'm glad to see you're able to walk like a turtle ..any movement has to be an improvement!
    God bless~
    3421 days ago
  • NEVERORNOW
    You certainly aren't responsible for his insecurities and I'm glad you aren't obssessing over trying to reassure him. I doubt that anything you could do would fully convince him anyway. You are doing what you need to do for YOU and for your family, in working hard to regain your mobility and health. He needs to get help in dealing with his feelings. emoticon and prayers for you both.
    3422 days ago
  • SMIDGON
    I think a lot of spouses' are insecure. When I was much younger, mine felt threathend when I lost a lot of weight. They feel surely you are or are looking elsewhere. It must threathen their 'manhood'!
    But you know what? That is their problem, not yours. As long as you know your okay, that's what is important!
    Hugs,
    Janet
    ~+~
    3422 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5128667
    Wow - your blog touched me deeply (and this is at 4AM EST with me being in a horrible mood, yet).......please know that your fellow Sparkies care.....you can keep that knowledge with you to help you deal with your spousal issues.......sheesh, that really s**ks.....

    emoticon
    3422 days ago
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