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One of 'those' days.

Saturday, September 08, 2012

Ever have one of 'those' days? You know, the kind where you just want to break down and cry. Asking when you feel like yourself again. This is NOT me. I'm trying. So damn hard! I've lost a few pounds...I guess I only have 62 lbs instead of 86 lbs to lose now...so THAT is a good thing. But, I have to be careful how I do it. I can't fall back into that pattern that could kill me. But, I feel like I have no control. I hate that! Ever listen to Katy Perry's 'Pearl'? That's EXACTLY how I feel..."She was a hurricane/ But now she's just a gust of wind/ She used to set the sails of a thousand ships/ Was a force to be reckoned with.....She was unstoppable/ Move fast just like an avalanche/ But now she's stuck deep in cement"

Everyone says it's what's inside that counts...but what good is the inside if no one takes the outside seriously? Really? It's amazing how differently people treat overweight people as opposed to those of 'smaller' proportions. I was never a model, but at my lowest weight, people seemed to take me seriously. I got more respect. Now, it's like everyone thinks they can say and do whatever they want. Before when I 'spoke up' about stuff it was ok. Now, I'm blown off (in alot of situations) What I mean, is in personal circles & public places, people treat you differently. Have you ever noticed? I'm sick of it! I don't care if the person beside me is a 'normal' weight or obese, I'm polite, don't cut in front of them, and certainly do NOT look at them like I'm better. Teenagers/young 20's are even more polite. Just sick of the stereotype it surrounds us in...
I'm not crazy, I've thought about it different times. I know this probably doesn't make sense, but, like I said... it's 'one of those days'...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DB1167
    It does make sense and people do treat others rudely! I have taught my kids that it doesn't matter how big someone is, what they look like or what style clothes they wear they may be the nicest person ....you need to learn what someone is like before you judge.
    3169 days ago

    It does make sense. I don't think everyone acts with that kind of prejudice, but I do know that when I'm already having one of "those" days, when I'm already a little down, I tend to really notice the differences. It's like a filter that makes the negatives stand out in sharp relief and the positives fade away.

    The good of the inside is that WE know it. And when we know the inside is good and strong, we unconsciously project it to the outside. Back at my top weight, I did a lot more than just be heavy. I dressed sloppy. I avoided eye contact with others. I might smile at my kids, smile at something in a book, or smile at some inanimate object, child, or animal, but I almost never genuinely smiled at people. My body language screamed "Don't notice me, don't talk to me, don't expect anything of me."
    3171 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12999072
    I absolutely know how you feel!! I started putting weight on after I divorced my alcoholic husband of 21 years. I remember showing someone photos of my family with my "old" self in them, and the look on their face of what I use to look like vs. now was VERY hard for me to swallow. I even notice the difference of how I am treated by cashiers at grocery stores - especially male cashiers. It's like "hurry up and get out of my line" kind of thing. What keeps me going is that my new hubby loves me for who I am and is helping me learn to love myself again. I need to lose weight for me and not for ANYONE else - especially those male cashiers!
    3171 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12697965
    I love that song by Katy!
    3171 days ago
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