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Struggling Update

Monday, July 15, 2013

As I mentioned in the previous blog, I know I've gained weight in the last year or so--basically started gaining at about the time when I knew that my grad schedule was stepping up the pace and the stress grew exponentially. I also know that at least some of that weight is probably fat, since I've gained a couple of inches or so in the gut.

I didn't write the previous blog because I was expecting solutions; really the only solution at this point is to lose the stress and that won't happen until I either quit grad school or I graduate, and after all the time and sacrifice and shear hard work I've put into this degree, quitting really isn't an option (not saying that I haven't been tempted a time or ten, but quitting really isn't part of my vocabulary). Which is not to say that I'm going to quit living a healthy lifestyle. I just know there's only so many things I can control right now. Even if there was something I could theoretically do--a major diet change, an increase in exercise, whatever--I just don't have the time, energy, or brain power to deal with that right now. I'm already at maximum capacity plus some. There's a reason I set my goals for this round of the BLC as basic and simple--that's all I can handle right now. And I'm struggling just to manage even that.

In 6 months or so, I will re-evaluate, and at that point I will consider things like changes in diet or exercise. Maybe more like 9 months, to give me sometime to sleep and remember what it feels like to be human. but for now, this is the best I've got.

But... good news. Yesterday I wore a dress I wore on the cruise 2 years ago--and 20 pounds lighter. Sure, I know that I've gained a bit in inches, but it still fit, so I'm guessing at least part of that weight gain isn't fat. And I looked and felt pretty good wearing it *grin*

In any case, I'm still here and I'm still in the race. I may be slower than the turtle, and the progress may not always be obvious, but I won't give up.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    The most important thing is that you are staying consistent. You are not giving up, but are staying the course doing the things that you know are helping be you healthier. Just remember, that light at the end of the tunnel is visible, and it's not a train! It's the accomplishment of finishing grad school, and knowing that the foundation of healthy living that you've established will see you through the rest of your life. I know it can be discouraging when you feel like you're doing everything right but you're not seeing the results you want. Stay the course, and you will start seeing those results when you're past the stress. Good luck!
    2935 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5466384
    I really admire all that you are doing. With the chronic, debilitating depression, a good day for me is getting out of bed, showering and cooking real food opposed to eating a bag of chips or whatever else is easy. Our commonality is that our health is important to us, and we are committed to doing what we REASONABLY can, and staying in the race without stressing over the pace. (We are stressed enough!)
    2935 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12121677
    You know who won the race between the tortoise and the hare, right?

    I'm a fellow tortoise, BTW.

    2936 days ago
    Love that you are being consistent and keeping on your journey with goals you can manage instead of just lagging.

    I think we all want to give you ideas to help you and hope that some will when we shold surely know by now that you have at least 6 mountains of stress on you. Thank goodness you gently reminded us of wher you are and why!

    If I can ever help, please let me know.

    emoticon emoticon NSV on your dress!
    2936 days ago
    Here's a motivational quote from Sparkpeople. "It doesn't matter how slowly you go, as long as you don't stop."
    2936 days ago
  • PRIZM96
    You are an amazing inspiration to me, Zanna! I absolutely LOVE your positive attitude (even when you think you're being negative)! :-)
    2936 days ago
    Ahhh, Stress comes & goes. Maintenance is a good place to be until the Grad school work is done. It will also give your body a sense of what it's like to maintain it's weight. I read a weight loss study that started a group of people on a weight loss diet and the control group practiced maintenance first then the weight loss diet. the control group lost the same amount and kept it off with much less stress!
    Good Luck with your studies and your healthy lifestyle!
    2936 days ago
  • ASTRA58
    Stress of school can do nasty, nasty things to you and you are right in that there are only so many things in your direct control. I would just try to concentrate on those things that you can control and let the rest fall where it may.

    That is awesome about being able to fit into the dress and just goes to show that the scale isn't always the best measurement of how we are truly doing!
    2936 days ago
  • ELLIE381
    emoticon emoticon
    2936 days ago
    Hang in there, right now it is survival mode but once the grad school work is finished you can focus a bit more on other things. emoticon and just do the best you can emoticon
    2936 days ago
  • ANU_20
    Hang in there Zanna! ... It may be challenging but you also know that this phase is only temporary...and you got to prioritize. So do what you can and be appreciative of all that you are doing & achieving.

    2936 days ago
    Zanna, I think that when the stress and pressure of this dissertation that has been hanging over your head for YEARS and the final stretch for too long is lifted, you are going to be blown away by the difference you feel overall lady. I KNOW it. I'm talking inside and out - top to bottom. This thing is consuming you and your valiant efforts to LIVE and not be consumed by it, are awesome and you are stronger than most anyone I know (honorary Marine emoticon stuff here) but it is hard, heavy stuff you are traversing and while the end is near, it is not near enough and your stress levels and cortisol levels and BP and everything else are just off the charts. I don't know how you do it but you are :: close and we're behind you all the way. Thank God for the friends you have, your husband and your sheer, unmitigated determination! Keep on keepin' on and keep your eye on the prize and the knowledge that SOON you will have the prize and a weight off FINALLY! emoticon
    2936 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/15/2013 5:35:30 AM
  • no profile photo CD12377244
    You're doing emoticon
    2936 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8634484
    It also shows that some of it isn't! emoticon So hopefully when the stress eases, the weight will come off too.
    2937 days ago
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