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LICIA4608
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Aftermath of Family

Monday, August 12, 2013

You know, I love my family, I really do, but they are not helpful in my journey to live healthier. Not at all.

I went to visit them this weekend. My mother and grandmother both had birthdays this weekend. I know I never eat healthy when I go there, simply because the options aren't there. My grandmother doesn't cook healthy and no one eats any healthy foods so it's not even like I could volunteer to cook. The best I got was some raw veggies and dip for lunch one day. I also know there isn't the opportunity to exercise because I have to stay up till 3 or 4 am playing cards or talking each night and have to be up between 7 and 8 am to go shop etc. I do the best I can but I know my time home is always a wash.

This weekend however was worse than most. My brother started on me because of my weight. Well, actually he started on me because of my eating. It was 2am ish and we were playing cards. He'd been playing bar tender and so I'd had a lot to drink (also doesn't help the weight and healthy living issue). I realized I needed to put something in my stomach with all I'd been drinking. My brother got Funions out. I don't particularly like them. I mean, they're okay, but they're really fake and processed and overly salty. I never buy them. It never occurs to me to buy them. I don't even register that they are in existence except when my brother puts them in front of me. I ate a lot of them. I was tired, had been drinking, and was emotionally drained. My brother turned around and started making fun of me and making me feel really guilty over how many I ate. Then he started in on me about my weight.

I haven't dealt with anyone making fun of my weight before. I've had people talk to me about it, in a concerned way, or who've made me feel uncomfortable, but I've never been made fun of before. I was and am devastated. I hate myself over it, I hate the way I look, the way I eat, everything. I don't know how to handle this. I'm alternating between not eating anything at all because I feel too awful about myself and feel guilty about eating and going to the other extreme where it's like "he doesn't control me and doesn't have any right to judge me" and so I binge. This is not healthy. I know that. I just don't actually know how to deal. I wish I did. I want to process and deal with this and move on and get back on track.

What's worse is that I have a first date on Friday and all I can think about it how can I lose weight before then no matter weather it's healthy or not.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD13988259
    Not to excuse your brother, but it sounds like he has his own issues to deal with and instead of doing that, he is taking it out on you. Try not to let his jerk behavior have that much of an affect on you. You are doing the right thing. Yes, sometimes people overeat. I know. Last week, I went to Sonic and bought a medium milkshake. 1200 calories in one snack. ONE. It was awful and I felt so guilty afterwards but besides that, I just felt awful. All of that crap wasn't good for me and I knew it. So you ate a few funyons. Don't let it throw you off. Get back up and keep on moving. You are doing great with pre-cooking and separating your food. Keep it up. Ignore the naysayers and do what you need to do for you. Your date didn't ask you out because of your weight. He asked you out because he wanted to go out with you. Focus on that and let yourself have a good time. You deserve it.
    2864 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5127867
    Your date is something separate from your family. Focus on being happy - that's all you can control. You're back in your world, so work on finding a cardio and strength routine that works for you.
    2865 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2036709
    You have to chalk it up to rudeness and not let what he said and did tear you down. Just keep doing your best and try to avoid those situations even if it means packing all your food to take with you. Hang in there emoticon the healthy way.
    2865 days ago
  • DETERMINEDJANET
    emoticon

    You've been doing so well getting things back on track since returning from you big trip and I'm sorry that this has happened to you from a family member. I pray you can find some peace before your first date on Friday. Remember... you are the same person that was invited out before all this verbal abuse came your direction. You deserve to go and have a good time without being conscience about yourself. You will be in a more controlled environment for food and I know you typically make decent choices most of the time. You're also a very caring person. Start finding those positives about yourself again Licia. There are more of them than not!
    2865 days ago
  • CASTIRONLADY
    Sad that the worst comes out some times. And a friend once told me their are at least 365 reasons not to stay on track...it is Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or Valentines or Birthdays - And there are a least 365 reasons to lose weight - you need to know that You are important enough to stay on track no matter what and You are enough to lose weight for. Period. Feel good about the fact that you are taking steps forward and are honesty blogging about a really bad weekend. God bless you on your journey.
    2865 days ago
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