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Feel like I'm in a traffic circle & can't figure how to get off

Saturday, November 30, 2013

I just saw my blog before last titled, "Struggling With Food." I should have that as a tattoo .

Just kiddin' emoticon emoticon

Have done okay this week. Some times good,other times eating these darn carbs. I even binge on healthy ones.Which aren't so healthy in excess. Excess, that's a good word to describe my craving/ eating times.
I eat until I feel full & felt I got my craving fix, but realize 15min. later I have ate/ gorged until I'm very uncomfortable. I just did it again tonight & I SO wanted to be in the 180's.

I have been committed to losing weight on this site for about 9-10mos. In that time I have dropped 20lbs. & that 20 REALLY makes a difference in how I look & feel, but I gain & lose the same 4lbs. over & over & over again in this endless cycle of cravings & giving into them. I do realize now it does comfort me, it does soothe my nerves. It really is like I've heard addicts describe getting their fix.TEMPORARILY is the key word. Why can't I beat this?! Be stronger! I feel like such a loser when I do this. Weak. I evaluate & get back on the horse now.I used to just give up & say I'm beaten by it, so that's a plus, but I see people on here who are dedicated & disciplined & just DO IT !
There's a woman on this site I just read about , she said when she decided to lose weight she just worked her plan. NO excuses, NO room for slip ups & she did an AMAZING job quickly. Why can't I buck up & just do this.
I say I'm weak, but I do mean in this area, because when people see my daily existence they ALWAYS say I don't know if I could live like that even for a day. How do you do it? I say, I'm all he's got & I can't give up on him. He's sick & I want to try to get him stabilized before he moves on in life or he may end up in an institution. So I KNOW I can be strong.

So, I'm feeling frustrated with myself & trying to vent , let go of the negative & move forward.
I do realize this is MY journey & I have a way to go regarding my interaction with food & learning how to cope with stress. So as long as I continue to try I guess that's a positive. I just wish I could learn HOW to get past this .
Thanks for letting me vent. I hope ALL have a successful week ! emoticon

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD9394210
    Umm....you are not a loser because you struggle with food.
    You are a winner because you chose to fight it instead of giving up!

    You are strong in so many other areas of your life and you should be really proud of that.
    Food is a struggle or me too,but I have other areas that I can be proud of.

    Don't give up and be proud of who you are and who you are becoming.

    God Bless! emoticon
    2759 days ago
  • MATTEROFHEART
    I have the same struggle every week! I eat healthy part of the week and lose, only to turn around and give in to the cravings the other part of the week! Up and down and up and down! I found out what it was like, though, this past week to not even try to fight it and ended up with an 8 pound gain! Definitely can't do that again...it is so worth the fight!
    emoticon
    2760 days ago
  • BLESSED2BEME
    It is a daily struggle for me - my love/hate of food - a war in my head so often. I've been on spark nearly 4 years now and have lost 20lbs...never have gone beyond losing 24 lbs here. Why? Because I continue to divert to old, unhealthy behavior of dealing with my emotions by abusing food and my body. I know that everyday and everyday I say to myself, why? One day I'm going to finally say - enough! Obviously that day isn't here yet. Just sharing this to let you know I understand. I'm glad you vented and I pray you continue to try, everyday, to get to the place you want to be.
    2760 days ago
  • GAILANN48
    I just love the way you perfectly express MY thoughts and feelings!
    emoticon
    In her response to your blog, OOLALA53 really gave me some things to think about, too. That "habit theory" is an interesting rabbit trail that I want to follow.

    As for the journey, I believe you're already succeeding, and that accomplishing more of your goals is simply a matter of time. We can do this, Friend. We can.
    2761 days ago
  • TMRGRANNY
    As I was reading through your blog, every time I thought of a comment you would say it in the next sentence. So I really don't have anything new to add. The wonderful thing about venting on this site is that the people here truly mean it when they say I know how you feel. Obviously, we don't know exactly how each other feels because each journey is different with it's own detours and obstacles, but we do understand the struggles of weight loss. Keep plugging and you will soon get off the circle.
    2761 days ago
  • MSHEL7
    Just wanted to add that I truly hate those traffic circles you are talking about. They are adding round abouts every where here, even where they are highly unfunctional!! I guess there are a few on our journey here too eh? and just as unfunctional!! LOL
    2761 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13669487
    I could have written this blog myself on many aspects. At least you lost 20 lbs. I have lost and gained the same 5 or so lbs since February. I better get off this merry go round soon!! There isn't anything merry about it!! You can so it!! You are a winner !!!
    2761 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12499805
    I also label myself weak or lazy or not dedicated, etc., etc., but the labels just make me feel terrible. I lost 20 pounds too and have those same 4 lbs. up and down. It is hard. What i decided to do was to do a couple of SP videos and I am hoping that that will help me not quit until I lose weight again. I also don't buy junk food for home. I know your son may want it and that's hard so I hope that slowly, you don't buy that stuff anymore.

    You and i need to just do one day at the time, and I only weigh myself the 15th of the Month and the last day. emoticon emoticon
    LOVE, CHELSEA
    2761 days ago
  • NILLAPEPSI
    I know you can do this. You are a very, very strong woman. Replace the bad habits with something good. emoticon
    2761 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    Very few people just make the decision to lose weight and then do it and maintain. Has this woman kept the weight off for 5 years? I have seen members here on Spark be strict for a year and then relapse. Most people need to go through success, then relapses, and recommitments many times to be able to maintain for 5 years or more. But what's the alternative? Keep overeating constantly and gaining?

    I know it sounds crazy, but concentrating on the weight loss is part of the problem for most people. Be more concerned with feeding yourself fairly with good, reasonably-portioned meals of foods you like, avoiding too many random decisions to eat, and keep balancing them with freggies. Over time, and yes, longer than 10 months, you will be enjoying more natural foods, but try not to be a purist. The other thing is to give a lot of attention to how good you feel when you eat just enough food without overeating. Eat slowly, savor your meals, and savor the feeling of not being stuffed as often as possible, and let yourself dwell on that more than on weighing less or looking a certain way. Give yourself some kind of credit or admiration EVERY time you eat a good meal or turn down food at an inappropriate time. Don''t believe you've done that enough until you do it a few thousands times. Seriously.

    Don't try to eat the least you can, but do allow yourself to eat less at your meals when you realize you're not very hungry.

    You are not losing weight; you are learning to eat less happily on a continuing basis. It won't even be worth it to get to a certain weight by torturing yourself and then not be able to maintain it.

    You WILL get past this if you keep increasing the time in between slip ups. Many long term maintainers say they fell many times, but when they determined that a fail would not lead to days and weeks of overeating, they got better at not failing so often, and the tide turned.

    Acknowledge how far you've come, not how far you've fallen recently. You've really done well! It's very important in habit theory to try to let go of the self-punishment and reward yourself for every victory.
    2761 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/30/2013 8:07:15 PM
  • MSHEL7
    I love that you don't mind venting here, we all need it and it is a healing process for us. I think you are doing great, this is a very hard journey and you just keep plugging at it. There are times when I have the cravings so bad and go on terrible binges, but they are getting fewer and farther between now. I think the other woman is right, just work your plan and don't stray, but I have such a hard time doing that. I am weak and I get bored and I let stress take me over. I'm so glad that we have each other and that we can work it together, the ups and the downs. You'll see the 180's, I have faith in that. You are working too hard not too. You are also seeing the situations and that in itself is a learning experience for the later times. One thing that I did that was really helpful to me and I had forgotten this until just last week, I bought a book that had a diet in it, every meal was listed and I followed it like it was life or death. I lost a lot when I did it and with you already exercising it might help you to do something like that for a while. I can't do them forever, but I can do anything for a while and when you are losing pretty good you want to continue for a while. Good luck, keep plugging away.
    2761 days ago
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