I just saw my blog before last titled, "Struggling With Food." I should have that as a tattoo .
Have done okay this week. Some times good,other times eating these darn carbs. I even binge on healthy ones.Which aren't so healthy in excess. Excess, that's a good word to describe my craving/ eating times.
I eat until I feel full & felt I got my craving fix, but realize 15min. later I have ate/ gorged until I'm very uncomfortable. I just did it again tonight & I SO wanted to be in the 180's.
I have been committed to losing weight on this site for about 9-10mos. In that time I have dropped 20lbs. & that 20 REALLY makes a difference in how I look & feel, but I gain & lose the same 4lbs. over & over & over again in this endless cycle of cravings & giving into them. I do realize now it does comfort me, it does soothe my nerves. It really is like I've heard addicts describe getting their fix.TEMPORARILY is the key word. Why can't I beat this?! Be stronger! I feel like such a loser when I do this. Weak. I evaluate & get back on the horse now.I used to just give up & say I'm beaten by it, so that's a plus, but I see people on here who are dedicated & disciplined & just DO IT !
There's a woman on this site I just read about , she said when she decided to lose weight she just worked her plan. NO excuses, NO room for slip ups & she did an AMAZING job quickly. Why can't I buck up & just do this.
I say I'm weak, but I do mean in this area, because when people see my daily existence they ALWAYS say I don't know if I could live like that even for a day. How do you do it? I say, I'm all he's got & I can't give up on him. He's sick & I want to try to get him stabilized before he moves on in life or he may end up in an institution. So I KNOW I can be strong.
So, I'm feeling frustrated with myself & trying to vent , let go of the negative & move forward.
I do realize this is MY journey & I have a way to go regarding my interaction with food & learning how to cope with stress. So as long as I continue to try I guess that's a positive. I just wish I could learn HOW to get past this .
Thanks for letting me vent. I hope ALL have a successful week !